My guys are 22 months old. I am almost two years into it, and I never could have imagined how hard it would be.

There are, of course, moments where they hug and play. Tiny moments where I feel so grateful. But it feels like mostly these days they are biting each other, hitting each other, pinching each other, biting themselves, and the worst of all (which makes me feel the most guilt) is pushing each other away for my attention.....crying, crying crying to be held by me. They are almost 2yo and I feel like I am always carrying one baby with another one or two pulling at my leg to be held. It is this awful combination of feeling both guilt (they didn't ask to be triplets, am i giving them what they need?) and suffocated by them.

I know I probably need to figure out a way to structure their days more and that they spend way too much time just running around the house. But for me, taking them all out by myself sometimes feels equally daunting. I truly don't know how the rest of you do it.

Is this typical behavior given their stage of development? Are my feelings as a mom of triplets normal? Any practical suggestions would also be super appreciated.

I also feel the same way you do about them being triplets and they didn't ask for it. I do tell them that they are a triplet and they have to share. I get the same thing additude from mine from time to time. My triplets are almost 2 1/2yo. I run a daycare as well during the week. I know that when I have the daycare running that they are much happier because we stick to the schedule alot closer then on the weekends. I don't give them alot of free play time because it just causes them to fight more. I also have a rule that if they are fighting over a toy they lose it. This rule really has saved my sanity. If my kids bite or hit each other they go straight to time out and I started time out when they turned one because of the biting. When they were one I made a baby jail and put them in there. I took two baby gates and aligned them in the hall way to make a 4 sided jail. This worked great because it removed the child from the situation and by the time they got out they had forgot what they were fighting over. I would only put them in time out for 1 min. per age of child. So when they were one it was one min. I also make my kids kiss and hug if they hurt each other.

They are working you, Momma. Do not carry one around so the others will flail themselves at you. Walk away from that.

At that age it was necessary for me to have the day very structured. We did an outing every morning to break up the day. Then we'd come home and lunch, followed by naps. I then would prepare a homeschooling curriculum to do a structured play time after naps and before dinner.

I also had a mother's helper from 3pm to 7pm, 3 days a week. Her job was to take them out in the yard so I could prepare dinner and they had a change of scenery.

If you do not keep changing the scenery, they will turn on each other for entertainment. You need to get them outside so they can run it off.

GL!

Sorry to say but mine are 5 and it has yet to get easier. The best was 9mo thru 22mo. At 22mo it all went to he$$ and at 5 it is better but 22mo to 3.5 was the hardest. Structure and organization helped me thru it but its tough! I joined the gym with daycare around that time and it helped me stay sane

BBG 6/21/06

Hi 3potatoes,
The age that your littles are at right now was the very hardest for me, way harder than any other stage. Once they get their little legs on, they can run in three different directions and have so much energy to do so!

My two favorite parenting words are "EXHAUST CHILDREN"! Children who are physically worn out topple over into a deep sleep, are peaceful and content, and have all of their "ya-yas" exercised right out of them. Think how great you feel after a vigorous workout!

Getting little ones physically tired in the winter is tough. If you have a triplet stroller and can get them out into the fresh air, that helps a lot. Another thing that we did was to get a small, indoor bounce house. Most can go up temporarily or permanently in any room depending on the space that you have. Little ones are happy to bounce the day away for hours on end and it really does help to promote happiness in the household!

This first one is from Amazon and would be temporary as the blower has to be on to keep it inflated. It is big at 72", but would be safe and sturdy. It cost $119 and would last well.
http://www.amazon.com/Perfect-Size-Indoor-Use-Phthalate/dp/B004GWJB62/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1328293662&sr=8-2

This next one is from One Step Ahead and can be left up as it is an inflatable (be sure to get a pump for it). It is much smaller at 48", but there is a good review from a triplet mom on the site who liked it. It costs $99 and there is a discount code for $15 off if you use SVE1585.
http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=537907&cmSource=Search

This third one is from Walmart and is inexpensive at $42. It is also an inflatable and will definitely spring leaks after awhile. It is 71", but not as tall as the others.
http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=537907&cmSource=Search

We had several of these different indoor bounce houses, and then also purchased one of the larger, more expensive outdoor bouncers that use the blower. We still have the big outdoor bouncer and it has lasted for five years with hard use from four boys. The first bouncer listed from Amazon would likely be your best bet if you have the space for it since it is not an inflatable, but any of them would help you tire out your littles.

Exhausting my children is still my goal to keep everybody happy, especially with four boys. For Christmas, my Mom gives our boys passes to the indoor waterpark here. We go every Friday after school and bring pajamas to put the little boys into after they swim. This is the first year they have been tall enough to use the giant waterslides. It is a beautiful thing...400 stairs up to the slide and only one minute to slide back down...then back up, then back down, over and over. My kids are so tired after our Friday nights at the waterpark, they are practically in a coma when we get them home. They are peaceful and mellow as a result, all weekend long. I can't stress the benefits of wearing kids out enough!!

HTH and hang in there! It gets so much easier..it will get better!

Love,
Cynthia
DS-7/99
BBB born 8/04 at 31 4/7 weeks

You're not alone, but you're hitting the age where you'll need to switch it up to save your sanity. Our kids are 27 months, so we're right there with you.

Rotate toys: Hide some of their toys for a week, and bring them out again when the kids get antsy. This is a trick other triplet moms here taught me and it has worked incredibly well.

Childproof additional rooms and play in different areas of your house. We have an upstairs (living room) and downstairs (family room) play area. They go about an hour in one space before needing for us to switch it up by going somewhere else.

Find ways for them to burn energy indoors. E.g. we don't have a bounce house inside, but they are allowed to jump on an air mattress.

At 22 months, I slowly started figuring out ways to take the kids out by myself. I was lucky, it was summer, so I found enclosed areas like ballparks and tennis courts where they could just run and chase balls without the risk of them getting too far away from me. I started teaching them how to stay close. Laid down the law before exiting the car. Then every single time it went well, I praised them. If they didn't listen, we packed up and left immediately. You'll be amazed how fast they learn!

Then I started getting braver and taking them to semi-enclosed playgrounds and enclosed indoor play areas (mall, children's museum). The distraction factor is higher when there are tons of other kids around, so part of our success has been teaching them in quieter areas first. In the beginning, plan to only be out an hour or so - it lessens the meltdowns if they aren't overtired. Leave while everyone is still fairly happy!

Whenever we go out, I corrall them at the end of our outing by offering snacks and something to drink.

It does get easier to take them out every time you do it, and the reward comes in the form of better behaved kids the rest of the day. Promise.

Hope some of these ideas help you. You can do it!

age 2-4 was SOOOO hard for me! last year I actually made it my new years resolution to take them out of the house by myself. My 2 friends who also have multiples helped me with that just by reminding me what my resolution was. The more I did it the better it was. Even looking back though, I still don't think I could've done it before they were 4. My middle son needs 1:1 attention most of the time though so that made it more challenging. During the early years there were MANY days when I seriously thought I wasn't going to make it. I wanted to run away. Obviously, that wasn't an option and look, I DID make it! It was bad though, I had panic attacks and my anxiety got really bad. If anyone remembers me, they'll know I was the one on here everyday asking how in the world I was going to survive.
For me, 5 is the turning point. 5 was even better with my singletons. Now, I take them everywhere with me. I don't love to do it because it isn't any easier but it's hard in different ways, ways that are manageable and I still get gawked at and have to deal with rude comments about having 5 boys BUT I do it anyway!!!
The bottom line is, you still have a long road ahead of you. It's not going to be easy and there will be days when you feel like you just can't do it but you WILL be ok and there will be a point where you think, Wow, I can do this! Up until mine went to Kindergarten this year I paid for a babysitter at least once a week. Sometimes I just left the house and sat in my quiet car alone. I needed that to survive. My advice for you is to add a sitter in your budget 1-2 times a week. You NEED a break. Do what you have to do to be able to afford it. For me, it was necessary.
I used to come here and read about all the other moms and how they took their kids to the park or to the store or never had help,etc... That was NEVER me. I couldn't handle it. And I wasn't afraid to say it. I'm still not. If there are moms who are acting like they've got everything under control, they are lying!!
It's going to take some time but you will get through this hard time!
Hang in there!

Crazy mom to:
DS 10
DS 7
& BBB 5!
9/29/06 born @ 32w2d

I wanted to comment on your, "they didn't ask to be triplets" comment. You are in a very difficult time in their lives. The next couple of years will be very challenging. That being said, being a triplet will be one of the greatest things in their lives. They will have built in best friends and playmates. They will learn to share and take turns, and that the world does not revolve around them. My boys are seventeen and juniors in high school. They have lots of friends and do go their separate ways at times, but when it comes down to it, they truly love and care about each other. One got hurt in football, and as soon as his brother was off the field, he came to check on him. They talk about wanting to go to college with at least one brother.

It is my greatest privilege in life to be their mother. I don't know why God picked me, and there were times when they were two and three where I thought God had a really twisted sense of humor, but WHAT A BLESSING! Hang in there during these tough times, as they'll be big seventeen year olds in a flash!

Heather, BBBB (two identical, two fraternal) 28 1/2 weeks, now age 18!

Heather, I can't tell you how awesome it is to read your perspective on this forum. Whenever I read your posts, it is really encouraging and makes me treasure this time with them more, despite the tantrums, whining and general ornery "toddlerness." Thank you!

To the OP: I just want to add to my previous post about going out. What actually helped me is to experience a few of those awful scenarios I was so fearful of... you know, where everything didn't work out just peachy. E.g. my first time out with them solo at the mall, our stroller's wheel got a flat. I only noticed it after I had already loaded everyone in. Argh.

The second time out with them, 2 had a complete meltdown in full view of everyone. Once you have a few of these less-than-perfect moments under your belt, you'll see that it seems worse than it really is. Handling a few of the "bad" days will build your confidence in taking them out, they'll get used to the routine, and soon you'll say to yourself, "If I could handle THAT, I can handle anything."

GGG born Oct. '09 at 32w6d
http://ginnegaap.blogspot.com

Hi 3potatoes,
Yes I agree with both previous posters!

My DH and I have a saying "It never goes well the first time, even the second time, that we do something, but don't give up because it does go well if you keep trying!" We have been hiking, biking, camping, and traveling with all of our kids since they were babies. We actually took the littles on their first hike when they were just 7 weeks old! It NEVER goes well the first time we do anything new, but learning from what happens makes the next try go much better. As a result of this attitude, we have had so many fun experiences which gives us the confidence to try more new things. Actually, the events that go "wrong" make for the best and funniest memories! Doing things by yourself just means you need to start small and gain your confidence in order to go bigger.

The other thing that I wanted to share with you was about the triplet thing. My older son is 12yo and he had thousands of hours of undivided, one-on-one attention from us for five years. As a result, he is academically advanced, in gifted programs, and is doing so well. The littles, in contrast, have not had any of this same kind of one-on-one nuturing. (Only first born children tend to get this.) We are just beginning to get them on their feet academically and I do feel badly for them as a result.

However, when you compare them socially, it is a completely different story. My older son has never had a friend as close as his brothers have had since conception. He feels so much more isolated and lonely, so it is a different thing I worry about with him than with them. My littles have a slumber party every night. They wake up next to their two best friends every day of their lives. I like to say that they share a level of intimacy that most adults don't experience until they have been married for at least ten years. It cracks me up to hear them talk with each other and the things they say.

Your kids will not always be at this age and it will get better for you. I love the saying "Parenting doesn't get easier, it gets different." My little boys got so much easier around age 3. Now at age 7, they are so independent, but need different things from me than when they were littler.

Hang in there. You can do it!

Love,
Cynthia
DS-7/99
BBB born 8/04 at 31 4/7 weeks

>Heather, I can't tell you how awesome it is to read your
>perspective on this forum. Whenever I read your posts, it is
>really encouraging and makes me treasure this time with them
>more, despite the tantrums, whining and general ornery
>"toddlerness." Thank you!
>

Thank you. I just want moms to know that they will survive those first few years. Each stage has its' own set of challenges, but it goes by so fast. It seems like a month ago they were turning sixteen and starting to drive, and they are seventeen already. They have taken the ACT and are starting to talk about college. I can't imagine them going off to college, but I'm so thankful that they are all healthy and will have that opportunity.

Heather, BBBB (two identical, two fraternal) 28 1/2 weeks, now age 18!