Okay, here's the situation. The kids always want to play outside but as soon as we do the fighting starts. Over toys, who gets to swing with whom, etc they are 6 years old and still can't seem to get along. They have toys galore outside. Bikes, scooters, cars, dump trucks, a huge play structure so it is not lack of stuff. Also, my son constantly whines to play with him. I don't mind as long as it is kicking a hall around or do something like that but I don't want to crawl around on the ground with cars.

I guess I just need some suggestions. I want them to use their imaginations and play together. I give them ideas like to use their fort as a castle Pretend they are Rick climbing.

Suzan

g/g/b August 21, 2005
my miracle 24 weekers!!!!

Hmm, that's tough. Mine usually do better when they're outside.

The only thought off the top of my head is that playing outside is a privilege, and if they fight you either a) take away the toy they're fighting over or b) put one/both of the fighters in the house for 5 min (preferably watching everyone else out the window!).

If there are particular items/issues causing the fight, I have sometimes purchased more (so there is one for everyone) but I find that what they want to play with changes frequently so I don't often buy three of something. One thing that has caused a lot of fights in the last year or two was when one of the kids got on a bike that was not his/hers, and then the owner would scream bloody murder. So we have a rule that a child cannot get on another child's bike without permission; violation of this rule is an immediate time-out-inside.

When my kids are outside I don't usually go out with them. A mom friend of mine suggested telling the kids "I'll come out in a little while" then gradually lengthening that time before coming out. My husband is always outside with the kids though, because he loves being outside, and is usually puttering in the garage or working on the landscaping.

None of that probably helped! Good luck.

Mary (41) happily married to Case (45) since 7/2000

Stay-at-home mom to Madelyn Anne, born 10/31/04

and GBG triplets: Laura Catherine (4 lb 8 oz), Andrew William (4 lb 9 oz) and Elise Nicole (4 lb 7 oz) born 3/15/07 at 34w 1d

Uh, hello, don't go outside with them. I haven't gone outside with mine since they were four. If they're fighting, I can't hear them so they have to work it out themselves. That's the whole reason I send them outside. Cut the umbilical cord.

And another thing, my kids have whole imaginary elaborate worlds outside. I am not part of them. I just occasionally come by and take note of them.

You have a fenced in, safe yard. I no longer do. Plus, we had a suspicious incident a month ago where someone tried to lure one of the neighborhood girls in to a van. Add in the constant construction vehicles and strange workers all over and it all adds up to no way I am letting the kids out of my sight. If I had your yard I would happily push them out the door alone. I can't do that because it is not a safe environment for them to be out there alone. When they are older and the neighborhood construction is done I will gladly cut the umbilical cord. Until then I deal with the fighting too.

Lori

http://yesidohavemyhandsfull.blogspot.com/

Our front yard is not fenced so I need to be outside with them. We also have a river not too far from the house that, if they wanted, they could get to. They do know not to go near the water without us. Our back yard is fenced but it is too rocky and all thier stuff is out front. Believe me, I have cut the umbilical cord in all other areas. Playing outside alone is totally different than when we were kids. I remember leaving the house is the morning and not coming home until my mom rang a bell.

Your suggestions are good. Some I already do, some I need to enforce more.

Suzan

g/g/b August 21, 2005
my miracle 24 weekers!!!!

Our yard isn't fenced (except the non-playing zone), but I still send them outside. I keep an eye on them from the windows to watch how they behave, and I knock on the window from time to time to let them know I'm still watching.

It's seemed to work for us. If they start fighting bad enough that I have to intervene, I tell them they can't play outside anymore and they have to stand in the hallway.

I'd keep sending them out every day until they get the rules figured out. It might take a week, but they'll get it.

As for stranger danger, we have a lot of friendly neighbors and friendly strangers. I've told the girls they are to stay away from the street and any cars or people that walk by/through. They have power in numbers and I've told them to SCREAM if they feel threatened or are worried about a sister. If they scream, they will never be in trouble. They are also to STAY TOGETHER in the yard where they can see each other.

Again, that's worked for us. Good luck! It was really hard for me to let go on the outdoors playing situation. REALLY hard.

Loren
GGG Jan.2005 @ 28wks

Sweetened Taters - http://sweetenedtaters.blogspot.com

I don't know your neighborhood setup, but can't you send them out in your backyard? Or tell them to play in the driveway? Aren't there other older neighborhood kids playing? When we go to Michigan during the summer we never have a fence but they are old enough to know the perimeter of the yard and and stay in the yard or driveway. They also know that if ANY cars or vans stop, to run in the house.

I grew up in Phoenix during the 1970s, which actually had higher crime rates then, than now. Crime rates around the nation have plummeted since the 1970s, so the only difference now is parents watch Nancy Grace all day. My sister and I sat up a lemonade stand in my grandmother's front yard in 1978 and a man stopped in his truck, approached us, then proceeded to tell us to follow him back to his truck to get the money. When we got to the truck, he tried to get us in to "go for a ride" and then he said a bunch of profanity. I didn't understand him because I was only eight and had never heard those words before. I ran away with my sister and the neighbor had written down his license plate. Turns out he was a grandfather and a convicted pedophile. So this stuff was definitely going on in the 70s. Times really haven't changed. You have to make your kids street smart. When people tell me things are different nowadays, I'm like really? I was almost kidnapped and raped by a dirty old man, so no they're not.

Okay, well I won't go into neighborhood safety but I will say this. I have noticed that if I'm around my kids while they play, someone will usually find a way to tattle or bait me into intervening. Someone is usually left out or unhappy, etc.. If you've ever watched GOOD preschool and elementary school teachers on a playground, you'll see that they allow kids to work stuff out themselves. I have no idea what the situations are that lead to the fighting, but I might think about how to remove myself from it...even if I have to physically be present for safety reasons. Just food for thought...

Susanne

gbg @ 31.6
5/2006

I expect my kids to work it out, but am happy to help if someone needs to come get me. Usually, Mommy's solutions make EVERYONE unhappy, so they try to work it out themselves!

One of my favs is to divide the yard into 4ths, and nobody is allowed out of their quarter. Oh, and the playset is not in anybody's space. It's MUCH less fun to play by yourself, so they are usually eager to try.

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06