I delivered my babies on my scheduled c-section date, February 26th, at 34 weeks 2 days. My little girl, Zoi, was so stable that they actually brought her back into the operating room and laid her on my chest while they finished sewing me up. I was so surprised! My surviving boy, Alex, had a ET fistula which was discovered while I was still being sewn up(this means his esophagus didn't connect to his stomach, he also had a hole in his trachea). My angel boy, Ari, was in a good enough condition that they were able to get footprints and hand and foot molds for me. I held him in a blanket most of the day while I was in recovery. I was so distracted with Alex's condition that I didn't have photos taken by Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep as I had planned...now I am starting to regret this decision. The nurses did take photos of his little hands and feet for me though...I've had to be so focused on my Alex because of his situation that I feel like I haven't processed alot of feelings yet.

Alex was transferred 2 days after birth to our Children's Hospital for surgery. The surgery did go well and we were finally able to hold him this past Tuesday. He also started eating by bottle and continues to improve. Zoi has amazed everyone by not needing any breathing assistance and eating only by bottle from Day 1! I had her transferred to Children's as well which made things easier...they are both still there and I think Zoi may come home in less than a week if she stops having apnea/brady's.

Thank you for listening during the hardest period of my life, the last 8 weeks of my pregnancy. I know there will be good days and bad days with missing my sweet Ari. I hate that people are calling them twins...does that get any easier to hear?

Heather

Heather,

I'm so glad you got to hold Ari. I have been thinking of you and hoping that you got to see him. If we hadn't seen Caitlin, I think I would have regretted it.

I am only barely a month in, but if people call Julia and Gabrielle twins I walk away. There were two times I couldn't walk away (we were out to dinner), and I could not look at the person we were talking to. Not as a rebuke to them, but because I just cannot hear it, and all of my energy is focused on not crying. Luckily, each time I have been with my husband, so he handles the conversation. He is better able to have people call them twins than I am; I think as much as it hurts to hear "twins" instead of "triplets", at this point it would hurt him more to explain what happened. It does seem to put you in a weird spot - you find yourself not wanting to say "no, they are surviving triplets," because you don't want to make the other person feel bad. So I can't say that it gets easier - my guess is you just learn to live with it, and some days it will hurt worse than others.

Thinking of you, and am glad to hear that Zoi is doing so awesome and Alex recovering from surgery!

Julia Evelyn, 2 lbs, 15 oz
^Caitlin Elizabeth^, 3 lbs, 3 oz (died one day prior to delivery due to complications of an encephalocele)
Gabrielle Rose, 3 lbs, 6 oz

Congratulations! That's wonderful about Zoi and your strong little Alex.

And unfortunately, no, hearing them called twins never gets easier. It's still one of the worst things for me. I used to correct every single person and tell them that they were surviving triplets. After a while, I stopped correcting people when they refer to them as twins, but if someone asks, "Are they twins?" I can't ever bring myself to say yes, so I answer them honestly. It still sucks every single time, though. I gave a speech at a March of Dimes event yesterday and even after hearing our story in detail, people came up to comment on our "twins." I was really offended then.

Please keep us updated on Zoi and Alex's progress. It's great that you got hand/foot molds made; I have Spencer's in a frame in the babies' room. They always point to them and we talk about Spencer.

Heather,

I'm so glad you posted an update, it's great to hear from you and know you are hanging in there.

I agree with Amanda, hearing the word twins does not get any easier. I think over time the pain gets a little less raw but I still cringe every time I hear it. It does get easier to correct people but I still get just as offended as I always have.

Your post brings back so many memories, those early days of struggling through the NICU with your survivors while trying to grieve the loss of one of your babies are so difficult. For me, I don't think I truly started to grieve until my survivors were home and out of the woods medically.

I hope Alex continues to improve and Zoi is home very soon!

Jessica
Mom to Parker, McKenna, ^Hadley^ born 10/9/07 28w5d
little brother Sawyer
and big sister Ashlyn
www.fourplusanangel.com

Heather,

Congrats on your little angels...

We are praying for a fast NICU stay!!!

Please keep us posted.

www.havingtriplets.blogspot.com
www.thisisourLONGjourney.blogspot.com

Cathi

Our Precious Angels
^Raiden Landon^(B/D 10/17/08) 22wks
^Ryker London^(11/12/08-11/22/08)25w5d
^Gwyneth Bella^(11/12/08-12/1/08)25w5d

Megyn Velynda born 12/08/09 @ 35w 4 day

I'm glad to hear that Zoi and Alex are doing well, and I hope they have a short NICU stay. I'm sorry to hear about Ari. It is so hard to be excited about survivors and miss your angel at the same time. Actually I never have been able to do it at the same time so I yo-yo back and forth between emotions. I'm so glad that you got to hold Ari.

Ah, the twin word. I'll never relate to it. I feel out of place at the multiples group I go to because while I have two babies at home like the majority of the other members, they aren't twins and I just can't call them that. Someone on this board mentioned they had seen the name of a business called "Two Triplets" and I think that's a perfect phrase. It has gotten a little easier to hear that word, once I realized that most people are really asking if my boys are brothers who are the same age. For people asking if they are twins, and I know I'm not ever going to see them again, I just say yes.

What has blown me away is the number of people who know the whole story and refer to my survivors as twins. This includes my MOTHER of all people. I don't care if they refer to them as two babies, but twins, not okay.

Allison

Mom to:
Madeline 09/2001
Jack, Evan & ^Alex^ 03/02/2008 @ 26 weeks

Heather,

Congratulations on the birth of your babies. I am so glad that Zoi and Alex are doing well. I am so glad you got to hold Ari and have molds of his hands and feet to keep.

The twins thing makes me so mad. I still get upset even after almost 4 years.

Lets us know when you are home with the babies. We are all thinking about you.

Dana

Jacob, Olivia, Benjamin
30 weeks 1 day