It was six years ago, at nearly precisely this time, that a moron of a doctor nonchalently said, "One of 'em's gone..." Not to beg the question, but did one of my babies simply pack up and decide to take up residence in another womb?? He kept repeating this as I was struggling to comprehend what he was saying. The conversation?

"What do you mean, one of them's gone?"

"One of them's gone."

"What do you mean, gone? Are you trying to tell me that one of my babies is dead?"

"Yeah. Gone...
well, now we need to decide what to do..." the last said as he is heading out of the room.

Wow.

We go from someone who would never listen to any of the horrible problems I was experiencing -- which I have since learned were all related to my pre-eclampsia that was diagnosed back on December 16, 2004 -- to "one of 'em's gone." His response to my complaints? He ridiculed me and continued to tell me that "I told you, triplets aren't a good idea."

It still hurts. It is coupled with the anger that comes from knowing that it didn't have to be this way. It is coupled with knowing that all three of my babies should be here today.

This morning has been very rough for me. And, on Monday we go back into trial on my case against the doctor and the hospital. Hopefully, by then, I will be past the *anniversary* hit. But, I'm thinking that I may bring in Carina's urn of ashes and a pink rosebud to commemorate this anniversary and leave her sitting at the front of counsel table on Monday.

For those of you with new grief, I promise you that the grief gets so much easier to handle as time goes by. But, anniversaries still suck, and right now I am hurting terribly as the minutes roll past. By 11:18 a.m., I had been given the news and knew exactly which baby I had lost. It is so sad and hurts so bad.

EDITED TO ADD: And, I praise God every day that I did not follow his recommendation and continue in the pregnancy for another two weeks. It would have killed Caidan and Caeleigh, and would most likely also have killed me. He tried to send me home and scheduled a c-section for January 9. When I insisted upon being admitted, they found that I was in severe pre-eclampsia and took my babies by emergency c-section on January 8. It was my mother's insistence that resulted in my being hospitalized on January 7. I praise God for her, too, and for her wisdom.

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.

I'm not sure I had known the circumstances around your childrens' birth (and what a horrible way for it to unfold) and that today was the day you found out that Carina was gone. I'm so sorry. I'll be thinking of you and all of your precious children over the next few days.

Allison

Mom to:
Madeline 09/2001
Jack, Evan & ^Alex^ 03/02/2008 @ 26 weeks

Cat,

I'm so sorry and my thoughts are with you and baby Carina today.

Isn't it weird how the pain can get better but at times still hurt so much. I know the feeling of 'it didn't have to be this way' and that truly is painful. You look at your 2 survivors and wonder what life would be like if you had your little girl and your whole trio intact.

Had I delivered at a different hospital in town - that has different procedures to handle the problem they found with Alexandra - she would likely still be here today.

I commend you for having the strength to go after this Dr. and make him accountable for his actions.

Be kind to yourself and give Caleigh and Caiden a few extra hugs.

http://www.brianandcharlie.com/blog
^Alexandra^, Brian, Charlie 07/28/2003
[/

I'm so sorry. It's awful to know there's someone you can rightfully blame. I wish you all the best with your trial, especially right now at this particularly difficult time. I think taking Carina's urn with you is a fantastic idea, by the way.

My thoughts are with you as you go through this tough time.

Our little angel
^Alex Joseph^ (11-4/11-5)
Brennan Matthew
Christian Jacob

"
Big brother Justin 8

Happy Birthday to Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh. Thinking about you Cat and your angel Carina.

Jacob, Olivia, Benjamin
30 weeks 1 day

Hi Cat,

My heart goes out to you. Gosh reading your description of how your Doctor treated you is Dejavu for me. My Perinatiologist and him must be related. I wish them both a very, very long life. One where they out live all their family members and end up in a home where they are at the mercy of others. I know that sounds so mean and hard but that is my wish for them both. Then they will know the pain of loss. Hope you are doing better. Love and hugs

Raquel
Mom to triplet angels: Sophia, Steven Jr. & Xavier b/d 25w4d (11/26/06, & Sweet baby Joseph (11/14/07-11/14/07)
Eliana Grace-God has answered
Born 4/03/09

Cat, thinking of you, sorry I have been absent. I hope this trial is over or almost over. Happy belated bday to all of your children. xoxoxo Hugs, Nan

Nan~
In loving memory of my beautiful girls:
^Shelby Lee^, ^Megan Aimee^ and ^Lynne Barbara^,
March 6, 2009, born at 20 weeks, 0 days.
http://rememberingourtripletangels.blogspot.com/
http://forumforgrievingdads.com/