Hi everyone
I had my triplets on 5th September 06. I found out during the pregnancy at 22 weeks that one of our boys had hypoplastic left heart syndrome. He died 3 weeks ago, never leaving hospital. Even though we always knew that this was very likely to happen, we're devastated. We feel like we have a huge void in our lives. I think about him all of the time and feel so angry/sad that this has happenened. No one else understands, it's like people think that we have 2 others so it's not so bad. We're so exhausted, having to juggle 2 babies at home and having 1 in hospital an hour away that I could only get to visit twice a week. He was an amazing little boy and tried to hard to live. Anyone else been in this situation? We live in London. Thanks.

Kerri,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby boy. My son died in utero so I can't share your experience of having two at home and one in the hospital - though others here have done that.

It is incredibly difficult to have an "incomplete set". Things are not the way they should be and it is heartbreaking. Over time the pain does ease. You will never forget your son, but you will smile again and you will take pleasure in your surviving babies.

It is incredibly frustrating when others minimize the life of the baby you lost and it is terribly inconsiderate when people say things like, "well at least you still have two", etc. I like to give them the benefit of the doubt that they can't think of anything else to say.

I'm sorry that you've had to join us here but welcome, I hope that you are able to find some support and comfort here.

Marie

Dear Kerry,

Im very sorry for the loss of your sweet boy. The loss of a child is devastating and very heartbreaking. I lost two of my triplets, and the thing that hurts me the most is when people tell me that I should be thankful for having Nathalie. I dont think these people understand that each baby is an individual and that although we are SOOO grateful to have them with us, they cannot replace the life of our lost baby (ies).

Welcome to this place, we are all in the same boat, so feel free to post what you are going through, we all are or have been going through this grieving time and are here for you.

Monique
Mom to 26.5wk triplets, born 09/14/06
^Nicole^
^Daniel^
Nathalie

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little boy. I lost my little girl when she was 2-1/2 days old and still in the NICU. My two survivors were still in the NICU at the time so I didn't have 2 at home and one in the hospital. It must have been so hard to have to travel back and forth and not be able to see him every day.

The loss of a child is a terrible thing to go through and no one should have to experience it. You are so right in that most people don't understand. I always hated the comment that 'at least you have the other 2'. It's like you shouldn't feel as bad that you lost one because you have 2 more.

The pain does get better with time. Those of us on this board are proof of that. Its a hard road, but it does get better.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

http://www.brianandcharlie.com/blog
^Alexandra^, Brian, Charlie 07/28/2003
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I am so sorry. I lost two of my quads at 10.5 weeks, but my sweet Lucy lived for three days with a condition (anencephaly-lack of formation of the brain/skull) that was diagnosed prenatally. Many of my surviving sons premie clothes came from a little boy with hypoplastic right syndrome. Most people thought that since we knew Lucy was sick, that her lost did not matter the same, and while we were grateful to be prepared I still miss my little girl a lot. And there were also people who knew how much we wanted a child and just wanted to rejoice with us over our little Samuel...and we do rejoice over a Samuel after a very difficult pregnancy...but that does not mean we do not miss Lucy.

I know that my situation is not the same, but I still wanted to send you my deepest condolences.

Jane

Jane

Blessed with a quadruplet pregnancy
Miscarried quads A and D at 10.5 weeks
Lucy Mae (8/1/05-8/4/05) and Samuel were born 8/1/05 at 36.5 weeks after 17 weeks of bedrest!

I too am very sorry for your loss. There is just too much loss lately. It is really aweful. We lost our triplets after my water broke at 23 weeks and I was hospitalized until giving birth at almost 26 weeks. My precious babies were so beautiful. Sophia lived for five days, Steven Jr. for 8, and Xavier was fighting until 11 days later. It was very hard to seem him suffer and fight. I have a lot of guilt about Xavier because he was fighting but had a stage 4 brain bleed. We had to let him go. Its so difficult to discuss. As most of us will tell you, hold on to your husband and surround yourself with loved ones. Its a tough road. My heart goes out you and your loved ones. God bless and be well.

Raquel
Mom to triplet angels: Sophia, Steven Jr. & Xavier b/d 25w4d (11/26/06, & Sweet baby Joseph (11/14/07-11/14/07)
Eliana Grace-God has answered
Born 4/03/09

I am so sorry about your loss. You can never prepare yourself to loose a baby, even if you do expect it. I lost my triplets at 23 weeks from preterm labor. I was so devestated. I feel like we lost our family. It did seem like nobody new what I was going through and thought that I should just bounce right back from it. That is until I came to this site.

I know how you feel about people think you shouldn't grieve because you have two left. When I got pregnant again people actually thought that I was "over" loosing my babies. I had a coworker tell me that "I didn't have to be so sad anymore because I was pregnant" I couldn't believe it but if you have never been there then you don't know. Yes it does help to have something to look forward to but I still have really bad days where I just can't stop crying.

We will never get over loosing our babies it just seems to get easier as the days go by.

Kara
Mom to BBG Triplet Angels
^Alexander Ryan^^Ethan Cole^^Avery Lynn^
8/12/06 - 8/12/06

BG Twins @ 36weeks 4days
Alison 5lbs 14oz
Elijah 5lbs 7oz

Hi Marie
Thanks for your message. I'm sorry that your son died too, it's never easy is it? I think you're so right when you say it's incredibly difficult having an 'incomplete set'. That's exactly how it feels.
I do realise however from reading other messages that we are extremely fortunate to have Ava and Alexander.
Once again, thanks for your kind words and I'll 'talk' to you soon.

Kerri.

I'm so sorry that you lost 2 of your triplets, to lose one is bad enough. Thanks for taking the time to reply. I know it's going to be a day by day thing. It's awful that we have to 'meet' eachother but it's good to know there are others out there in the same boat. I shall look forward to 'talking' to you again soon.

I couldn't agree more. I'm so sorry for your loss too.