Just wondering how you handle sibling rivalry and competitiveness among your trio? It's been really getting out of hand at our house lately. My girls compare and point out every little thing that I do differently between them. "Why does she get the pink bowl?" "Why did you give HER the pop tart with more frosting?" "I NEVER get to be first" "Why do you always sit next to Anna at dinner and you NEVER sit next to me?" (We just have our usual "spots" we sit at for dinner time)

They also love pointing out to each other when they get something better than the others - like Cassie's teacher passed out a piece of candy at school one day and she brought it home and was showing it off a lot, and the other two were just distraught over "IT'S NOT FAIR!" "Why does she get one and we NEVER get one?"

For one, I know it's difficult for them to understand that not everything happens in threes. I tell them "Not everything is for 3 girls - some things are just for one girl" and I tell them that there have been other times in the past, and will be in the future, when they have gotten something that their sisters didn't get, and now it's somebody else's turn. I've always tried to make things fair between them, and now they can't understand when any little thing happens differently for one of them.

How do you address these types of issues with your trio? How do I get them to stop comparing the amount of frosting on their pop tarts? It's making me crazy!

I've tried "Oh stop it now", and I've tried "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit"....but I need something more. They aren't getting it....

Thanks for your advice!

Angie
GGG 5/13/04

When what they say is really ridiculous, I say "Because she's my favorite" or "Because I love her more than I love you." They get the sarcasm (age 8). But one told me once, "You know mom, we really don't like it when you say things like that."

I also say "You are right. It's not fair." Then I move on. Sometimes the kid feels the need for more validation in the fairness category. So we remind them it's not fair this time and sometime she'll get the better end of the deal.

They also know "you get what you get...." and will say it to others.

We don't allow gloating or bragging. If you got candy, lucky you. Just eat it and be quiet about it. It's just not nice and you wouldn't do that to your friends at school, so don't it to your sisters.

We don't have regular seats at the table. The person responsible for dishwasher and general kitchen help gets first choice seat. If someone else jumps in to help, they get 2nd choice. If kitchen person doesn't do her job and another does, then kitchen person doesn't get first choice and the helper does.

In the van, we have a daily van helper. That one gets first choice seat. She also has to help make sure everything is brought in and the trash is picked up.

MonsterMom6
10 year old ^b^ b twins @ 30w5d (1 survivor) and
8 year old gggg quads @ 32w0d

That is a tough one. DH doesn't have any close siblings so he's starting a crash course in sibling rivalry. Ours isn't too bad yet, but they do notice differences. I think the key might be to try to make each of them feel special sometimes. If they all get their moment in the sun, the shade won't feel so bad. (ok, a bit corny) But really aren't all those questions saying "you love HER more". It is hard to make 3 feel special every day but a few minutes of conversation 1 on 1 might help them to be less jealous of each other.

Andi
gbg
triplets
1st grade

>How do I get them to stop comparing the amount of frosting on
>their pop tarts? It's making me crazy!


I think I'd just buy a few of the plain pop tarts and serve them once. Tell them you quit getting the frosted ones because you were sick of hearing them complain. That should solve that 8-)

Andi

The candy thing...I would take the candy away from the child flaunting. It's not nice and we don't allow that kind of behavior.

Dawn

Mom to Samantha, Jeremy, Paige and Christian

Born 12/12/03 @ 31w 2d



http://lovinglifewithquads.blogspot.com

All excellent points! Thank you all so much!

Angie

I tell mine that life isn't fair and sometimes some will get something and they won't and vice versa.

As far as competitiveness, I tell mine that we all have different strengths and weaknesses. We all can't be best at everything, then I point out something they are really good at and then drop it. I will not play that game.

You having three girls is definitely working against you. The drama is fierce with mine and I only have two girls. I probably would throw the pop tart out and tell them they get nothing now if they complain.

When I just had two kids we had odd/even days. On the odd days my oldest got to do things first or make decisions for the day. On even days, my youngest did. For example, they used to fight over who got out of the bathtub first, who got to choose the music in the car and who got to brush their teeth first. The bickering was driving me crazy. Odd/Even days worked great until I had triplets!!! With seven of us in the family we now each have our designated day of the week that each person in charge. This person still picks the music in the car and also says the prayer at dinner. (Yes, we used to have arguments about who said the prayer. Not what God had in mind...) When my older two are at school, we now have Day 1, Day 2, and Day 3 for the triplets to determine who gets on the Wii first and who takes the first shower etc. They each know which day is theirs to go first, second and last. This has helped a ton.

I also remind them life isn't fair and I try to point out times that things aren't fair to me as an adult. That's just life!!!

Liz

Adam-12
Jake-10
Andrew, Luke, and Kaitlyn-7

I would STOP making things so fair. In my house, if you aren't happy with what you have, you don't have to have it. Don't like your bowl? Away it goes! Don't like your PopTart? Say buh-bye! Don't like your seat at the table? You are all done eating until the next meal - head it on to your room.

If I have one kid who is showing off / bragging / trying to make others feel bad, I take away whatever it is they have and talk to them about how they are making others feel, being a good friend, sharing when they have something nice rather than being mean, blah blah blah.

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

I don't make a big deal about it. My girls are 9 years old (plus 11 and 12 year old dds), and when I hear the "It's not fair!" I mostly ignore it or simply say that life isn't always fair. Whenever they complain that their sister got a bigger piece/slice of something, I just say "sorry" and move on. We don't have designated plates or seating, so maybe that helps.

My girls are constantly trying to get me to tell them who my favorite is. I always play around with them and say, "You're my favorite fraternal triplet; you're one of my favorite identical triplets; you're my favorite oldest dd, and so on." They think it's funny.

GL! -- Gloria