I have 3 going into 1st grade in a week. Since one DS is autistic, the social worker showed us around the school early (boundaries changed so they will go to a new school this year) to get him acclimated. Well of course all my kids went and we looked at the names of kids in each class. Currently my kids are separated. Well lo and behold there are triplets in one of my DS's class. I was like how come they get to be together and we don't? The social worker (love her BTW) said the school really frowns on it. I'm assuming since we are in Illinois, that mother fought to have them together and IL is not a mandatory state (pretty sure).

Anyway, my question... my one DS did not do super well last year. He was withdrawn and finally got a little bolder toward the end of the year. Did not raise his hand, talk etc. He really did not want to go to school each day. He is attached to his sister, who is a social butterfly. Do I ask for him to be switched to her class? Would this help or hurt him socially? BTW, there are about 4 kids in DD's class that she knows and only 1 in DS's class that he knows that that boy is autistic. He knows how to handle that, but, again, he needs some "typical" friends. We are already friends with the autistic boy, because, when you have one, it seems that's where you gravitate... where people will accept you. Anyway, what are your suggestions?? I did ask the social worker her opinion and I'm still waiting on that.

Ann

BBG born 7/7/03
33 weeks 3 days

Ann,

You need to advocate what you think is best for your children. We're also in Illinois. In kindergarten we kept them all together because our preschool experience was such that N needed to see that her brother and sister were safe although she did not need to play with them.

With 1st we let our most independent (M) go out on her own (our school only has 2 classes per grade for all but this year's first grade, last year's K).

2nd grade N went out on her own based on the recommendation of her first grade teacher. In third grade I fought to get C a class of his own and for 4th grade requested they be placed together since we had already done the separation thing and with the increase in homeowrk didn't wanted to go through the nightly ritual of tears and fights over "you're doing it wrong" "that's not how my teacher does it" etc.

My request was granted and all 3 were placed together for 4th. They were placed together for 5th this year by the school (I chose not to request special placement but to let the school handle what they thought would be best since they've all been independent and all together).

If you have specific concerns over you son being placed alone, you need to call and meet with the principal and social work as soon as possible to express your concerns and find out why they chose to separate. Even though having all of them together would have been easier for me for grades 1-3 the teachers had valid reasons for wanting to have one out on their own and I respected that as they respected my reasons for wanting them together in K and 4.

If I can be of any further help, please e-mail me.

Laura
Mom to M, N & C (5/8/99)

I agree with Laura. If you think it would be best for the kids to be together then you should request that...the sooner the better. Of course, it would be good to find out why the school thought this arrangement would be best. Mine also find comfort in knowing their sibs are there but usually play with other kids. Singleton parents don't know how lucky they are; we will have to make this decision every year.

Laura, I am happily surprised that they let the kids be together again for 4th grade and even more surprised that they continued it this year. I guess all that stuff they used to think about having to separate multiples all the time isn't as correct as they once thought. The feeling I've gotten from the school is that they will be apart for the rest of school once Kindy is over. Though I may try to do something similar to yours. Did they feel any jealousy that one did/did't get to be alone/have a sib in class? Fortunately, we have 4 classes per grade (at least for kindy) so I could have them all in separate at some point.

Parents at the bus stop all act surprised that they are in the same class this year. Almost acting as if I'm a bad mom for doing it. But they are still so young and also having to deal with an 8 hour day and long bus ride. Our school will listen to the parent but I do think they may have some bia toward separating.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but please do talk to them at least about the reasons for their choice.

Andi
g/b/g
triplets started kindy Aug 19
8 days until they turn 6

My suggestion would be leaving your DS where he is. We put our shy daughter in a class of her own and she blossomed; something she didn't do in kinder with my kids all together.

Lisa
Mom to Aidan, Christian, and Rachel (10.03.01 @ 36wks)

For us separation was easy the first year because Nichol didn't want to be alone and Meghan did (and we had been told that they separate relatives, including cousings). The kids were very accepting as long as we promised to try to get them all a turn alone - with our son it was much harder to get, but Thank God his 2nd grade teacher was adamant that he get to experience his "year of independence".

Our principal was also very understanding and even in a follow-up e-mail this year when I thanked her for this years placement stated that as a general rule they still like to separate multiples to give the less dominant child(ren) a chance to grow but stated that with my 3 it isn't a problem. My experience was if you have valid reasons, other than "it's easier", for wanting your children together schools are more willing to consider the request.

Our son has ADHD and I personally feel it was very beneficial to him to have 1 of his sisters in class with him the first few years. Even now, if we forget to give him his meds, the girls will remind us based on his behavior and try to help him remember to bring his homework home on those days.

Laura
Mom to M, N & C (5/8/99)

Lisa,

Yes, I am wondering if I am reacting too soon - if I need to give him another shot alone. He really didn't blossom last year in Kindy and he was alone.

Ann

BBG born 7/7/03
33 weeks 3 days