Tonka:

You can do it!

I was never in your shoes, because I delievered after PROM at 32 weeks, 4 days, but I would imagine the best thing to do is take it one day at a time. Also, and I don't expect this will help you, but having our babies in the NICU, even just to get big, SUCKED. It sucked HUGE. It was HORRIBLE leaving my precious babies with strangers. I would have traded ANYTHING to have taken them right home. And sitting next to their incubators at the hospital every day? Not really helping with the C-section recovery: I bled from my incision site every night because I was pushed so hard. Much easier just to have the babies lying on a quilt next to you, with bottles in a cooler nearby or breasts at the ready for that next feeding.

If you don't already have help lined up, now is the time to call in family, friends, random strangers, and ask for in-house help for the first 3 weeks. You will NOT want to go up and down stairs more than once a day after your surgery, so if you have steps to navigate, think about mini-fridges, separate diaper stashes, etc. If you DO take the babies home right away, you will NOT get the same amount of BF'ing help from a Lactation consultant, and yet your babies will still probably have some preemie nursing issues, so if BF'ing is part of your plan, call around to La Leche or look in the yellow pages for someone to come out to your house the day you bring the babies home. There are usually multiple LLL groups in an area, so if you're not happy with the first leader you talk to, keep calling (ask your Ped. for contact numbers).

Again, one day at a time, and try to think ahead to the most important tasks you'll want help with after homecoming.

Congrats on making it to 33 weeks, and best wishes for a fast recovery after your babies are here.

Jody
g/b/g born Jan 2001
http://www.geocities.com/hombiblio/

Jody
g/b/g born Jan 2001
http://www.geocities.com/hombiblio/

Tonka,
I am 12 weeks pregnant and you are my inspiration. My goal is to go as long as possible. I know it is easy for me to say because i am still early. Keep up the great work and I will add you to my prayers. It will be an awesome experience and you will do just fine. If you have any advice of things to do to get to 30+ weeks please let me kno
Meli

Meli
Elijah-4yrs. old
Spontaneous BBB triplets born at 34.3 weeks 6-8-04
Adam- 5lbs 11 oz. 18.5 inches
Ryan- 4lbs 6 oz. 17.75 inches
Joshua- 5lbs 17 inches

Tonka:

My peri was never very firm about how long she would let me go. The uncertainty really got to me since I wanted a firm date. However, I had to focus on making it through one day at a time.

Even though it is great to make it to 34 weeks, your babes will have better developed lungs and improved suck reflex if they stay in you longer. I will tell you that it is very emotionally and physically taxing to have to deal with the NICU. My two boys came home with me at 2.5 days, but my daughter had a six day stay in special care. It was very difficult to leave her behind, and the visits really drained me. I can assure you that the NICU is not somewhere you really would wish your children could be.

Good luck...

Lisa
Mom to Aidan, Christian, and Rachel (10.03.01 @ 36wks)

Lisa
Mom to Aidan, Christian, and Rachel (10.03.01 @ 36wks)

Tonka,

Thank you so much for writing this. I have had a few posts in the last 2 weeks. I am 31 weeks and 3 days and I am feeling exactly like you. My Doctor told me that he would be shocked if I made it past 30 weeks. I always had 32 weeks in my head as a goal, and as I get close, it sounds like my finish line is also going to continuosly be moved back. I feel the same way as you do about the going home vs. the nicu stay. I am afraid that they will come right home with me and I will not have learned how to best take care of them.

Thanks you for helping me to not feel like I am alone in feeling this way. Are you in the hospital or at home? I have been in the hospital since Dec 22 and it is driving me nuts. My body hurts from sitting in one spot. Anyways, please keep me informed on how things go with you - being so close behind you I can strive to follow in your shoes.

Good Luck and hang in there!

Heidi
31 weeks and 3 days

Heidi
Lydia - 5lbs, Sasha 5.8lbs and Isabella 5.7lbs
born at 34 weeks 5 days
AND NOW...MARCUS EARL, 9.2lbs!!!!

Tonka,

I went through the same thing! My true 40 weeks due date was 8/31. At first my dr told me I'd make it to late July. Then it was mid-July (the 24th). Then it was August 1st. Then I had some problems and we were back to late July, but my dr was out of town so we tried to hold off until he got back. He got back and I went for a check up on a Tuesday thinking that he would say that I would deliver that Friday which was 8/1. Well I was doing so well at that point that he said that he wanted me to make it one more week to 8/8. I ended up w/ pre-eclampsia and delivered on 8/7 at 36 weeks, 4 days (would have been 8/6, but my mil was out of town and we waited for her). I say all that so that you know that it is normal for a dr to play mind games with you when you are at your weakest.

It will be a long 2-1/2 weeks, but it will make such a difference! My babies did not go to the NICU. They came home with me at 4 days. They have been very healthy. They all got sick a couple of weeks ago. One was even diagnosed with RSV. However, this potentially fatal disease was just barely worse than a cold for him b/c his lungs were strong and healthy. I would go through 2 weeks of pregnant hell for myself to spare him of 1 day of wheezing from RSV...and I'm sure you'd do the same. Just try to keep that in mind during the especially hard times.

It WILL be crazy if they all come home at once. It will also be VERY hard to breast feed if that's in your plans. I'm not saying that it is impossible, b/c there are those that have done it. I thought I was very determined to bf but when I got home w/ all 3 babies, plus recovering, plus all those hormones, plus trying to figure things out, it was just too much for me and I gave up on day 6. That was the only thing that I could eliminate so I did and it has worked out just fine for us. Luckily I recovered very quickly from the c-section and was able to do a lot more than I thought I would be able to. But you will want help at least for a few weeks until you get things figured out. You just take one day at a time and make it work.

Any pain that you go through in the next 2 weeks and all the hard work that bringing 3 babies home at once is WELL worth it. I'd take that over a NICU stay and having to worry about sicknesses any day. If you need more encouragement or just need to whine about how hard it is, feel free to e-mail me.

luvmytrio
Gavin, Garret & Claire
born 8/7/03 at 36w4d

luvmytrio
Gavin, Garret & Claire
born 8/7/03 at 36w4d

My peri though I was going to deliver very soon at 26 wks-that's when I started steroids for lung maturity. I ended up delivering at 33 wks. I was in the hospital for 9 wks before I had my babies and I know it is really taxing on you in many ways. After I made it 32 wks my peri said let's go for 36 wks ! He was thinking that was encouraging to me ? It was encouraging, but at the same time I just wanted to sleep !! I was prepared for at least a little NICU time, and was told the babies would do great, and that it would be 'easy','routine' type of a NICU time. I had visited several friends' preemies in the hospital, and was not worried about how the babies would do (not looking forward to NICU time of course, just not too concerened). I have to admit I was a little relieved after the babies were born because I was feeling so bad before, and they were all healthy !!!

One of my boys did not end up staying healthy. He had MAJOR problems with NEC, lost most of his intestines and we were told we could only hope he could stay alive long enough to get to the top of the transplant list-and he would be in the hospital for 2 yrs (if he beat all the odds and survived that long). He 'only' spent 6 months in the hospital, It was worse than I could ever describe seeing him go through SO much. The only worse thing would be to have seen him go through that and then still not survive. I can't even imagine how painful that must be :'(. I will always feel incredibly blessed that he did survive and that my other two babies did so well.
I didn't have a choice to deliver later than I did because of the HELLP syndrome. I literally would have stayed pregnant- at my biggest- for the rest of my life if I had know what it could have prevented.

I know many women *feel* like 'giving up' and begging their doctors to do their c-section now !! but really what choice do you have ? I hope that any responsible peri would not do that !
None of us really have that choice to decide when to deliver, except those few who were fortunate enought to go past 35 wks. I know how long every single day/hour/sometimes minute !!! feels like, but it will be over soon and there is NO price too big to pay for healthy babies. I hope you do make it to 36 wks , even if it seems impossible now.

Lorraine

Lorraine

Reach for the heart of God and not just His hands.
Organ donation saves lives!
Life happens when love is given.


http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/bradenwild

Thank you all so much. You are awesome. I often cry when reading your posts--the happy and sad stories alike. I am very thankful to be on home bedrest, especially since I have 2 children at home. At least I can talk with them and see them every day, even though I can't pick them up or take care of them. (We have hired a nanny since I have been on bedrest for when DH is at work.)

Your replies are just what I needed for encouragement. I do know that I would give up a kidney, or even a leg for that matter, for my children if I had to, so surely I can "give them" another few weeks. Thanks for helping me keep it all in perspective. I appreciate you all.

-Tonka

-Tonka

My peri did the same thing to me!!!! He told me in our initial consult that he would schedule a c-section at 36 weeks. I had an exact date that I shot for throughout my whole pregnancy: February 26th, 2003. Then on the 21st of February, he said that although 36 weeks is usually the most he'll keep triplets in there, that he'd like to take me to 37 weeks since I was doing so well. (Ha! He wasn't there for my nervous break-downs, crying fits, screams of pain when it felt like my ribs were cracking, etc.). I lost it. So I completely understand what you're going through right now!

I had also just not mentally prepared for going that week, and I think that had something to do with showing signs of pre-eclampsia at 35 weeks 6 days, so I delivered that day. I really believe in the power of positive thinking, and I think that I had just given in by that point.

But I want to let you know that even born at 35 weeks 6 days, my babies did not come home with me. Two babies spent over 2 weeks in the hospital, and my third spent over 3 weeks in the hospital. It was the hardest period of my life. WAY harder than that last week of pregnancy. So do all you can to keep them in there. It'll be worth it. You can do it!!!!!

Melinda
mom of Annabelle, Lillian and Charlotte, 2/25/03
35 weeks, 6 days

tonka- REALITY CHECK TIME - at the risk of being obnoxious- quit your whinning! i delivered at 36 weeks and felt thrilled and a little guilty to make it that far and have healthy take home babies c-section and all, esp when so many other triplet moms don't get there and would give thier lifes blood to ensure that their babies have every possible chance at a healthy outcome. yes you are uncomfortable- yes this is a challenge. yes, you may be able, God willing, to bring your babies home with you. yes, the goal has moved but in the right direction.

be pleased that your body is functioning so well and keeping your and your babies healthy. and as for WANTING your babies to be in the nicu- you obviously have never had babies in a nicu! i can not imagine wanting my babies to be sick enough to be hospitalized in the nicu. i can not imagine having to leave my babies everyday to the care of strangers (even if they are well trained nurses and docs). i can not imagine not being able to look at and hold my babies anytime day or night to make sure they are doing ok.

this is not the first time you will have to change plans in mid-stream for the health of your children. be thankful, be thrilled, be excited, be joyful that you and your babies are doing so well and your doctor is wise enough not to succomb to the hormonal whims of the hom. YOUR POSITIVE ATTITUDE IS A HUGE REASON YOU HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR- DO NOT GIVE UP NOW JUST BECAUSE THE RACE HAS GOTTEN A FEW WEEKS LONGER. you can do it for your babies. terri

terri
mom to ian,wes,amelia (09/02)
leslie 12 years
micaela 9 years

Tonka, (and Heidi, along with others in the same situation!)

Just wanted to add my two cents worth. I had hoped all along to make it to 32 weeks, and allowed myself to hope for 34, 35 would be great. I ended up going into preeclampsia at 33w4d and was hospitalized, delivered the babies at 34w exactly. I wanted to hang on for another week but due to the preeclampsia, contractions, etc. my peri decided enough was enough. I know how hard the end can be! And Heidi, though I wasn't in as long as you, I remember those days pre-delivery in the hospital!

I count myself lucky that my trio had 1 day full NICU, 2 days stepdown and 1 day NB nursery before coming home with me 4 days after delivery, at 34 weeks that is not always the case. I know what you mean about feeling overwhelmed about taking everyone home with you when you get to go home. Our neonatologist actually offered to let us take one home per day over a 3 day period, but I couldn't bear the thought of leaving them there (besides the hospital was 1 1/2 hours away from our house)!! Those first few days/first week I really wasn't in much of a position to do too much, my Mom came and stayed, I could take care of myself and feed a baby or two, change some diapers but no heavy lifting, I didn't really start feeling better until the end of the first week. But you know what, as a MOM, you realize that you can do anything that you set your mind to! I did get up for all of those feedings and I did what I had to do for my babies, you will too, I know it!!

Hang in there and I hope these next few weeks go well for you! We are here if you need to vent.

Deb
Mom to 34w g/g/b

Deb
Proud Mom to g/g/b
Born at 34 weeks on 6/23/03

Terri's post got me thinking about some things that I apparently should clarify. Alshough not actually very encouraging, I'm sure that she meant well in some way. I don't want to be unthankful for any of your advice.

First of all, I hope that it is clear in my post that at no time did I ever "want" my babies to be in the NICU. I did think that they would be, which is a reasonable thing to prepare one's self for. I did state that I was intimidated and scared about bringing them home. I should not be ashamed to feel like this. My doctor DID change my "finish line", and I was not mentally prepared for this, but as I mentioned I am thankful. I also did mention that I (and I'm sure that all of you, too,) would do anything that it took for the babies to be healthy.

Just wanted to clarify. I am physically miserable, but my heart is full of happiness. I'm sorry if this came across as pathetic or whining.

-Tonka

PS. Terri, I do not think that you need to feel guilty at all for having healthy take home babies. You did not take this away from anyone, and I think that we all rejoice with you in your good outcome. I am happy for you, and it is a good goal for us to strive for

-Tonka

Well, Tonka, the gang's all here!!!

Olga is in the hosptial starting 32 weeks; Heidi's in starting 32 weeks, and I'm still at-home on fairly substantial bedrest starting 31 weeks. As I see things, you're leading the pack!! And, yes, the doctors keep slipping the delivery dates!!

Frankly, I'm not sure whether to be fearful for them, or to admire their raw courage in the face of raging hormones and exhaustion! All along, I was assured that 32 weeks was the average -- until a week ago, when I was told that 33 weeks was the average, just as I was completing week 29. H'mmm... I came back to proudly announce the end of week 30, and was just informed that the set of triplets ahead of me was born last Tuesday at 25 weeks, which has now become my new d-day. Let's see -- she's leaving with three babies and I'm hanging out with a bowling ball for another four weeks...

Being in the midst of the gestational hide 'n go seek, I completely understand the feelings of frustration and, as someone who studies psychiatry and dissociation, this creates a really interesting puzzle. No wonder poor Terri stepped into the drink on this one!!

I've longed for a child for more than 25 years. I went to great lengths to get pregnant. Up until this past week, I really haven't whined about being pregnant -- I've been grateful. And I truly adore my little babies.

I am probably lying to myself about the impact of my doctor's having told me that I would only go to 32 weeks. At the time he gave me this advice, I questioned it and wondered whether I was treating at a good enough facility if that's the best they could do. Oops. I had just encountered the old "set the bar low enough that you don't make yourself look like a dufus parameter." And, since a lot of us have struggles getting through weeks 18 to about 27 or 28; and, since those are the scariest weeks from the standpoints of our babies, perhaps they are right in setting that bar there -- it is about the same thing as Dr. Luke's first hurdle where you're pushing to make it to some sort of viability. The difference is that our doctors are less willing to call the teeny-tiny preemies viable than Dr. Luke's book does.

From there, as they see us begin to stagger (like over-worked field horses pulling an enormous load), they begin to see how truly strong some of us are, and that we are pulling up to the load. This is where we begin feeling like crap. This is where they become excited and start stretching due dates -- seeing themselves as "attagirl coaches," without taking the time to explain why they're changing directions, or even admitting that we ARE changing directions. Frustrating?? Perhaps...

But not if we take our blinders off. Our doctors want to be "in control," but let's be honest, ladies. Throughout my time on TC, it's been quite clear to me that it is imperative that I continue to read, exchange information, monitor my own diet, and be willing to create a stink if someone assaults me on an ultrasound table. As hom pregnancies, we are put in an unique circumstance of having to watch out for ourselves a bit differently, and we become familiar with things that a lot of pregnant women do not know -- or, for that matter, a lot of mothers of babies do not know -- just through the sheer volume and/or scope of what happens when things come in triplicates.

I launched a huge whine today on my poor mother. I've had non-stop headache for more than 24 hours. My doc and I have an understanding that I am an intelligent woman and he provides guidelines for what I'm looking at to bring me into the hospital. It's already saved me 2 or 3 unneeded trips in. I appreciate it because they wind up being 12 hour trips with itchy, miserable monitors all over me; no rest; no real treatment, and multiplied frustrations. I had promised to get my blood pressure checked, and my mother went to make a couple of phone calls. I told her it wouldn't take me long to dress; just to call me when she was ready. When she came back, I had fallen asleep and she left me sleeping -- not knowing that the pain was still intense and that I was sleeping only because I hadn't slept for more than 24 hours. I was furious when I awoke alone, 2 hours later, not having gotten my blood pressure checked, still suffering headache and having not complied with my doctor's advice.

But I was way off base. My mother has been very helpful towards me, and I simply unleashed my anger, frustration, pain, and let them rip. It wasn't fair. Yes, I needed to get my blood pressure taken, but how did any of that help my blood pressure? And, her motivation was kindness, thinking that it would help me to sleep. Who knows? Maybe it even did??

My doc is frustrating me by stretching things out. Frankly, the thought of being stuck in a hospital bed, having things delivered back and forth, and no expectations on me of any kind -- that sounds good right now, and he kept telling me I'd be in the hospital before Week 30, etc. I'm not. I'm somewhat disappointed, until I learn that Olga has all of those pesky monitors on and cannot get much sleep and was harrassed for five days straight until they would allow her to return home.

I have been given full custody of my parents' bed, and use of a mega-large bathtub that I can still use daily, and occasional assistance so that I can get into my office by about every other day. I can drink chicken noodle soup and cold milk and Ensure drinks and watch mindless tv and snooze on and off throughout the day.

And, if I can stretch to 36 weeks, 2days, I could even make that initial date that I had longed for so that my little babies would be born on February 14 -- the date my doctor once told me that I could never make.

I am so glad that all of you are here. Tonka, it really helped me to hear you put into words what I have been feeling. But part of the reason it helped me was that it emphasized that my doctor may have "played God" in telling me how long my pregnancy would run, but there is really only one God, and He's never been stymied as to how long I would be pregnant. Instead, He's always known my babies from the beginning of time, and He's known how long they would remain in the oven, and He's known how dearly I love them, in spite of being extremely tired of being pregnant by now.

Your doctor can tell you that you're going to go 36 weeks, if that will make him feel good, or even if he believes that he is serving as your coach and encouraging you. But, truth still remains -- men do not have the babies. We all know that you're doing the very best you can to keep those babies inside where they belong, and that they will be inside until the time is right. Next time he starts spouting prophecy about birth dates/times/weeks, just remind him that they'll be here when they get here. Unless he puts you on the calendar and issues an engraved invite, laugh and remind him that you are Wonder Woman and that you are continuing to "suit up and show up" until the babies arrive.

And, as you tell him this, please give yourself an enormous pat on the back and have a few giggles on the house. You see, you can sit there envisioning Heidi in her tenny-runners and an olive colored long runners' silks, scrambling up the hill behind you, looking like a cocktail olive on toothpick arms and legs, right on your heels. At her heels is Olga, running with the same attire and the same cocktail olive mid-body part, but she's gingerly carrying a duffel back between her legs, "just in case." Me, I'm the enormous green olive with the chubbier little legs and arms right behind Olga, following you up that hill. It's so good to have found a leader!! We will follow you!!!

And, if you'd like to quote some "law" back to the good doctor, just tell him that d-day must be something akin to pornography -- you can't define it, but you'll know it when you see it!!

I love you guys. Be kind to yourselves, and kind to your cage keepers and friendly feeding personnel!!

Catw/3/kittens
b/g/g edd 3/12/04

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.

anything can happen, you could go into labor tomorrow! I was 34 weeks when my peri said (after telling me to be happy to make it to 34) that I could go 1-2 more weeks, at my 35 week u/s he said "well your csection is today at 2, you've got 2 hours to make phone calls!" We didn't plan that at all! My babies stayed in the NICU for 7, 9 and 10 days...trust me, you don't want them in there at all! Mine were very healthy and did really well, but I balled my eyes out when they sent me home and I had to leave my 3 babies there, then I crawled out of bed everyday to make the one hour trip to the hospital and stayed there all day! I would of much rather had them home with me! Although I understand what your saying, I still would want them home! Good luck, I hope all goes well and they'er as healthy as can be!!!

Carol, mom to Rex, Owen & Macy, 9-4-03 @ 35 weeks

Hi Tonka,

I can imagine how you must feel! I totally think that the longer you keep the babies inside the better!! I can imagine how uncomfortable you must be! I'm only 18 weeks and I am bigger than I was with my 2 year old singleton at 6 months!!

I think I'd feel just like you. Recovering from a c-section is really hard (it was for me anyway) but having 3 healthy babies is worth anything.

Jami

mom to fairy-girl & spontaneous b/g/g triplets born at 36 weeks.