Beatrice-
I am so sorry that you are going through this! This post really caught my eye because weight has always been (and will always be) a huge issue in my life. I am extremely fortunate to have a husband that could not give one care in the world about my weight. We tried for three years to have a baby. Every month that went by I kept saying to myself "Oh well, why try to lose weight? I am just going to get pregnant!" Well, three years later and 45 lbs. higher, I got pregnant with triplets! yikes! I was WAY up there at delivery (about 285 lbs.)! My boys are 3 1/2 years old and I am down from that weight, of course, but I still have about 50 more lbs. to lose. (I am on Weight Watchers-such a great program!) My reward to myself when I lose all my weight is to get a tummy tuck. I am going to save each month for the next year, and use some of our tax refund money. My dh just smiles and says "whatever, hon! You look beautiful to me no matter what you think about yourself!"
Well, that is my happy story, but I grew up in an entirely different situation! I grew up hearing my dad constantly make negative remarks concerning my mom's weight. He would even call her names. They are both in the 60's now and it hasn't happened for many years, but it basically ruined their relationship. My dad feels very badly for his behavior, but it is too late. There were way too many years of the verbal abuse making my mom feel so badly about herself. They have stayed married all these years, but it has been a horrible marriage. I think we were probably the only kids that actually wished their parents would get divorced. I know that sounds horrible, but it is true. Both of my brothers have sadly turned out like my dad. One is not married, but has a very skewed vision of the "perfect woman" equals a perfect body! (probably why he is not married!) The other one is married and gives my SIL a very hard time about her weight. This is a beautiful girl that probably weighs 135 lbs! (I think my right thigh weighs that much! ha!) She was 105 lbs when they got married! Well, big friggin' deal! That was 13 years ago!!!! I guess what I am trying to say is that bad attitude about weight DOES affect children in the household very much. All three of us are in our thirties and still suffer from some sort of weird weight issues (whether it be physically or psychologically). You have got to do what is best for your children. Your husband already has his own DISTORTED view on weight, but you will be the one to mold your children's attitudes. Good luck with everything during this very stressful time.
Take care,
Renee (mom to Dalton, Griffin, and Zach 6-1-00)