Ok, the babies are only 4 weeks old, and dh is ready to schedule his surgery. I don't know how to feel about this at all. One one hand, I know that 3 is enough, and I should count my blessings, and be done and happy with what I got. On the other hand, the loss of Eastyn weighs heavy on my heart. I know I can never bring him back, get to hold him or raise him, but I feel like God took one from me, so maybe he'll give me another baby. I hate feeling like it is so final, with having him have the surgery. I am 28, he's 31, we are still fairly young. I know we've been through so much with 4 years of infertility, the surprise of triplets, the sorrow of loosing Eastyn, the uncertainty of Rylan's brain injury, an emotional rollercoaster. I feel guilty and selfish for not wanting my family to be "done". But I also don't want to stretch myself so thin, meaning I know there may be much of my time that goes to Rylan. Also, I still have Logan and Lyndon, I should just be satisfied with everything God has given me.....right???

Sorry to ramble on, I just don't know what to do or feel. Maybe I should just agree to stay on the pill for a while. But I know that my husband feels like our family is finished.

TIA for any input.

p.s. I really don't know if my heart could handle another pregnancy or loss.

Kelly

DS~7years
triplets~2years
January 25, 2005 at 33.4 weeks
DS,DD, and ^i^DS