Thanks so much for everyone's input. Dh scheduled his consultation today....He is determined to do this. But I would like to go with him and explain to the dr what we've been through and see if he would even go forword with the surgery on dh.

You know, I will NEVER go through fertility treatments ever again. When we started planning for our family, dh only wanted 2 kids, I of course coming from a family of 7 kids wanted a housefull. I can remember in my 16th week of my pregnancy, Eastyn was already a worry, we though maybe TTTS. But he was a baby to me, he had a name, he had a place in my belly and in my heart. Dh and I cried and cried over the thought and fear of loosing him. Dh told me, "when you are told you are having 10, you want all 10". It amazed me with his openness of having 4 children after only wanting 2. Well when we did loose Eastyn, I told him that I was done, maybe I should have my tubes tied, and he told me no, and not to do anything that we may regret. He also told me that we would never do fertility again, but he wanted to go home, start our lives with our surviving babies, and be able to have bedroom time without charts, temperatures, you know, sex on demand. He told me that we would wait a year or two and just see what was to happen. At the time of saying this, we also feared loosing Rylan.

He has always talked about a vascectomy, but we wanted to wait until the birth and make sure everything was ok with the baby...now babies. We haven't even had Rylan's MRI done yet, and he is going full force with this. I know in my heart Rylan will not leave us too, but thinking with your heart and your brain is quite different. I mean, what if, God forbid, we loose Rylan? I may very well really never want to have any more children (heartache). I don't know, it's just too soon.

Again, I understand his reasoning for this, but my heart is not accepting of it. My emotions for my loss is so raw right now, I can't even explain it, but I know all of you can definately understand it. I know he is scared of tempting fait again, and loosing even more than a child, but loosing me, the mommy to his other children.

I'm sorry this is so long. Thank you all for your input and being an ear. I am not saying that I don't want him to do it because I want more babies (but I would welcome it), it's just taking it away from me. The dust hasn't settled on everything we've been through, and I just feel as though it is one more thing that is taken away from me. You know, kinda like we all have a shirt in the back of our closet that we haven't worn in a very long time, but just can't throw it away because we have the security of knowing it is there when we want it.

Kelly

DS~7years
triplets~2years
January 25, 2005 at 33.4 weeks
DS,DD, and ^i^DS