Rachel --
I'm so sorry this year has been so incredibly tough all in ADDITION to having lost Jaxon, Courtney, and Colin. As if the overwhelming pain from that is not more than any human should be made to bear.

Anniversaries are so bittersweet -- an opportunity to really think about your children (and hopefully some of the sweet memories from your pregnancy and their brief lives -- who they looked like, etc.), but it is so wrong because they are not here. It's just so out of place for so many reasons.

Your post had me remembering where we were after our failed IVF after we had already West, Keaton, and Rebecca. And there are so many SO MANY emotions. On top of having almost made it to the winners circle only to have your dreams and your love ripped from your arms (one at a time no less), then to be sent back to the starting line empty handed.

One thing that helped me through was switching REs. My new guy gave me such immediate hope, I didn't have to go to the daunting old office where we went with the triplets. He had a new focus and a new theory/treatment, and we got pg immediately.

I am just over the hill from you, and I have a few names if you think this might be an option you would like to pursue.

If you feel the need to get out for a chat and/or a bite and/or a Starbucks or something, I will gladly break free and meet you anywhere. I happen to know the Albertsons Center over there like the back of my hand . If you just want to vent and yell without getting out of the house, drop me a PM and I'll send you my numbers -- actually I'm just going to PM them to you right now.

Please know that you are not alone. I am sending up my thoughts for Jaxon, Courtney and Colin, and sending thoughts of peace for their mom.

Steff

^West Rogers^, ^Keaton Edward^, ^Rebecca Joy^ 1/6/04



Missing their sister ^Maria Jose^ 4/7/04-5/10/04