It will never get easier. UGH it sucks.
Even if Sweet little Ari was here on earth and you had full term triplets that had no NICU time and came straight home and everything else went perfect, you would STILL feel this way. The fact that you have lost 1 of your babies makes it even worse.
I have 2 losses under my belt but I do have 5 children and even with my year old I go in all the time to check on her.
I hold my breath until I see her chest move, or I put my fingers under her nose to feel her breath.
It is a horrible feeling but completely normal (again even if you did not suffer a loss).
My baby just turned 1 year old and I still have her sleep with me.

also I feel so bad for you that the NICU staff is saying "twins" ..that is just RUDE! IT should be in charts and just be known!


I am so sorry for your loss of ARI. You are in my thoughts.

Brooke