Kiefer,

God knows what He is up to buddy and He chose you for a reason! As for how we do it - we don't know how we do it we just do it! Specific advice I can offer immediately includes:

=> You are beiginning to realize that there are a bunch of 'naysayers' who will continually put themselves (sometimes forcefully) into your path. You do face a tough challenge. There is no other way to slice it. The road will be hard but the reward at the end of it is great. The babies are a blessing but many people can't (won't) see it that way. Consequently they will give you horrible advice or load you down with scary stories or tales of great trial. In the final analysis all you can do is walk by faith and let God handle the details. You will get through this (sometimes it will seem like you won't) like the rest of us did, one day at a time.

=> Educate yourself thoroughly on the possibilities and probabilities of HOM pregnancy. It is best to be informed and to have thought rationally about various courses of action in case you are faced with a crisis decision. I say this not to scare you but to prepare you. HOM pregnancies are high risk and there are a number of things that might (OR MIGHT NOT) go wrong and a number of options for you if they do. You are best off if you understand these things in advance and understand the probabilities associated with them. Eductation is they key to overcoming the bad advice you can get from the 'naysayers', well meaning friends, and others. The folks here are a good resource. I have listed sevberal links on our web page which is linked under my signature below.

=> Work hard to keep your wife's spirits up. She will probably begin to feel 'useless', helpless, scared, and bored all mixed together. She is doing important work and needs to hear you say that she is doing important work. Try to enlist a group of friends to visit with her and keep her talking. Planning a baby shower with the help of a friend is a good distraction for her right now...

=> Develop a network of people to help you once the babies are born. Get friends, family, church members, collegues, etc. to take specific time slots to come over and help (clean, cook, do laundry, shop, babysit, etc.). Learn now to accept any help that is offered (this was especially humbling for us). If someone asks, "What can I do to help?", immediately give them a specific task. You can't imagine right now how valuable three hours of sleep will be (especially for your wife). Ensliting help now will ensure that she can take a nap every now and again.

=> Begin laying in disposable baby supplies (diapers, wipes, powder, receiving blankets, etc.) Check with the moms on the main board for estimated quantities of each. Buy a few things each week and store them (we had (still have) packs of diapers and wipes stashed all around the house). Get someone at work or church (or both) to sponsor a baby supplies drive for you. The more you can lay in now, the less expense you will have later.

=> If you know an experienced garage (yard) sale fanatic, give them $50 - $100 and turn them loose with a list baby gear you need (onsies, diaper bags, swings, receiving blankets, clothes, furniture, etc. - get an itemized list from the moms on the main board).

=> I strongly urge you to consider breast feeding the babies. Breast milk is far superior to even the most expensive formula. Breast fed babies are generally healthier and develop more rapidly than those fed formula. Many medical professionals advise that breastfeeding triplets cannot be done but it CAN. My wife (and many others here) has exclusively breastfed our babies since birth. Consequently we have not spent a dime on formula. By some people's reckoning this saved us around $300 per month. My wife's breast feeding story is also linked from the site below.

I remember the feeling of helplessness. The most important things for you to do are to educate yourself and work to stabilize your wife's mood and outlook. The rest will fall into place (especially if you ask for help). Please contact me or Kari (my wife) if you want to get more input. We can be reached via e-mail at jnkspencer@charter.net

Regards,

John

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