Okay, I'm finally done with gymnastics, homework, lysoling the whole house. So I found some things that might help.

1.Young Kids are egocentric. They fundamentally can not see others point of view until around age 6 or 7 they can start using perspective a bit more. until then you have to remember that they can't think about how their actions affect anyone else. Their intellectual development is just not to that level.

here are some specific examples:

While children feel that adults rules are sacred, but just can't follow them sometimes. They do not understand that they have broke rules, no matter how many times you tell them. They aren't likely to be capable of understanding exactly why some behaviors are acceptable and others are unacceptable. They best thing in the case of rules is to keep reminding (AGAIN AND AGAIN) one day it will "click"

SHARING THE BIG ONE... This goes back to egocentrism. Once you realize your kids can't think of others feelings, it really helps. They just don't realize other people have feelings. it sounds crazy, but it's true. Say one of your kids takes a toy away, they other whacks them with something else. You should comfort BOTH children. Our first instinct is to yell at the offender who has NO clue why they are being yelled at. They think, I wanted the toy, I took the toy. Period. You should step in and say to the child who has had the toy taken and retaliated with hitting "I don't think child A knows why you are upset, can you tell her why?" They will most likely be too upset to answer, so keep rephrasing the question (YES I KNOW LOTS OF TIME AND PATIENCE) saying Child A upset you by taking the car and that is fine you have a right to be upset, Validate thier feelings. When child B finally calms down and tells child A why they are upset, you should then ask Child a Why they took the toy. Point out that it upset their sibling, and point out we don't hit. By the time you do all of this they will be playing happily again, but you are laying the ground work for the mto be compassionate in the future.

* The goal here is voluntary unselfishness. The book points out that many adults force children to share when few of us would be as generous with our prized possesions. That new toy to them is like a new car to us and we wouldn't just let someone take our new car because they don't have one. Children's right of ownership and right to decide whether or not to share must first be respected in order to prepare them for voluntary share. Only when sharing is a real choice and not coerced can a child make the choice to be generous.

Children also are great at lying... They sometimes think that something is true because you want it to be and something is yours because you want it. These beliefs cause children to tell "lies" and take things guiltlessly that don't belong to them. You need to respond with empathy. Something along the lines of "you really wish that was yours or you really wish you had done that. This helps them seperate wishes from reality without making your child feel bad about themselves. Children as old as 6, have a hard time telling the difference between an honest mistake and a purposeful lie. They also tend to judge how bad it is to tell a lie in relation to how likely it was to be found out and therefore punished. They think a believable lie is acceptable and an one that stretches the truth too far is bad.

another thing is to make their environment pleasing and enjoyable. Make things accesable, but not overwhelming. Picking up is much easier if things aren't all lumped into 2 or 3 toyboxes. Sort things into different containers and then store them in the toyboxes or on shelves. Show them how to pick up and keep working with them. They will feel a huge sense of accomplishment for doing it eventually.

I have more, but I'm getting tired and this post is 20 miles long already. Let me know if you want more or if you have any questions.
***KEEP IN MIND YOU WILL NOT SEE IMMEDIATE RESULTS YOU WILL HAVE TO DRAW FROM PATIENCE THAT HAS PRETTY WELL BEEN TAPPED OUT but you are teaching them to make the choices on their own, by teaching them how others feel. And not because of some mysterious adult rule because mom said so. Reason with them and they will learn to use reason.

Hope this helps...Becca

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