I think it is hard to keep kids from talking about birthday invitations due to the excitement, but those not invited can end up with hurt feelings. In this situation, I would send the son that received the invitation. He shouldn't be penalized because his brother wasn't invited.

This is a great learning opportunity if your goal is for your kids to be treated as individuals. My boys have been in this situation before. The invitations are based on friendships, and oftentimes only a set number of kids can be invited. We don't invite all of the kids from school to birthday parties. It would be 40+ kids before we get around to friends outside of school.

Have you tried setting up playdates for the son having difficulty fitting in? We watched the new American Girl movie this week, and it has great lessons in friendship for both girls and boys. It provided an excellent opportunity to talk about how kids treat each other.

good luck,

Lisa
Mom to Aidan, Christian, and Rachel (10.03.01 @ 36wks)