I totally agree with Kristina about staying together IF you can. Maybe I'll feel differently a few years from now when the kids are a bit older. But for now, 4 toddlers is definitely daunting. Mostly from the standpoint of errands or outings, like Kristina mentioned. Not being able to run out for an item without it being a big ordeal does stink. I definitely do have to plan more thoroughly. It would be great to have a partner around. But the trade off is that I get every other weekend totally free, and I've really been able to get out and socialize like I used to before the kids. So that is a silver lining.

For me, it was pure luck finding my therapist. I went to one, didn't seen to connect with him, then went to another and it seemed to be a fit. He is very reputable in my community and is active in various organizations, so I felt he was competent. It has helped tremendously, and so has my Lexapro. I'm not kidding either. Within the first few days of taking it, the "edginess" that I'd been feeling for the past few years literally disappeared. Unfortunately, the marriage didn't get better. But getting help for myself and getting "better" made me realize it truly isn't all my fault that the marriage fell apart. With my husband, it's always about pointing the finger. He constantly says things like "if you were nicer to me, I would do xyz" or "how come you always have to criticize me" if I ask him for help with something. He actually accused me of deliberately waiting to take the kids up to bed until he went to the fridge to get a snack. I'm not kidding. I didn't ask for his help taking the kids up to bed. In fact, I didn't even notice what he was doing, it was simply time for bed and I said let's go up to the kids. He was pissed at me and said I did it on purpose just to keep him from getting a snack. And by the way, his snack was literally delayed by about 5 minutes because we don't have a bedtime routine...it's up the stairs, in bed, kisses, blow out lights, and that's it.

So anyway, I hope you find a professional to talk this over with before deciding to leave. there are realities that suck...like going back to work, dividing up assets and debts, being totally alone and responsible for your kids' lives, etc etc.

Enjoy your holiday weekend if you can. Kristina, LOVE the blog!!

Melissa
ggg 12/05
b 7/04