I have five year old triplet boys in kindergarden. Cody is at the top of his class. Alex is about on target. B.J. is at the very bottom of his class. What do I do? B.J. really should stay behind but, he would be devistated! He wants to learn so bad but, the connections aren't being made. We have had lots of testing done with him. They have come up with ADHD. He was on Strattera and it really helped him in the school setting. He had awful mood swings once he got home. We opted to keep him on it anyway. Then the insurance company quit paying for it so he had to stop the medication. They said it wasn't approved for anyone under 6. So now we have seemed to have lost ground with him. It's like he has forgotten all the he has learned. It's so strange. I just don't know what to do. I really don't think B.J. could handle staying in kindergarden when the other two move to first grade. Does anyone have any advice for me? I would really appreciate it! Thanks!

Lovin my boys
Alex B.J. Cody 5
Zackary 8

This is a really tough question and in the end the final decision will be yours. The school will most likely go along with what ever you decide.

I am wondering if you did not hold him back but let him advance to the next grade but hired tutors if you could keep him paced with his brothers. It is really hard on the kids to hold one of them back because it will always be obvious to their friends and teachers. My students at the elementary level are very kind about students who are held back, but as the kids get older, they can be cruel about it.

I know you should always do what is best for the child so he has the best opportunity to learn, but in the case of multiples you have to think differently. It also becomes more of a social issue than it does with a singleton.

I work with a lot of students on meds for ADHD/ADD. In some students it makes a huge difference and they are really able to focus. They do end up playing catch up for a while depending on how long it took to get them tested and on meds. For other students, the meds just aren't enough.

None of my own children had any of these problems so I can't speak from a parents point of view. I speak stricly from my experience working with my students grades K-5. The meds can be a godsend and really allow a child to learn. I guess another point would be, how dedicated can you be with homework and reading and math practice at home.

I know I have not helped you in your decision but I hope I have given you a few things to toss around when you make your list of pros and cons.Good luck with this tough decision.

mom to:
Ryan 32 The Lawyer
Jason 30 The Chief Meteorologist
Chris 30 The College Student
Tim 30 The college grad

I love hearing their versions of their childhood memories!!

My boys are in 1st grade (separate classes) but I haven't dealt with the ADD issues.

Your son is very close to turning 6 and being able to go back on the meds that seemed to help him. I would talk to the school and make sure they were aware of the specifics of his situation.

Based on what you said, I would move them all to first grade. At some point, your son will be able to be put on meds. Perhaps there is another drug that could provide some help until he is 6 and is approved by your insurance.

He may be eligible for an IEP (individual education plan) that could help him through the year. I wouldn't give up quite yet on keeping them together since you are so close to perhaps finding a solution to his medical problem.

I have a friend who's child was put on meds for his ADD. Originally, he was kept behind in kindergarten. He was then diagnosed and put on meds. He has thrived under his new meds and is doing very well in school. She does have to adjust his meds frequently to find the right dose/timing/medication. But he is doing very well in school now. Holding him back was the right decision for him but not for every child. Having triplets make it an even tougher decision.

I wish you all the best in finding the right decision for you and your boys.

Sharon
6 year old b/b/b + 10 year old son

When will they turn six? Do you think he could do the work if he were back on the medication? If so, I don't know that I would hold him back at this point even though doing it now as opposed to later might be easier in the long run. (That's a good circular argument...I guess I am not much help.);) Also, will your boys be in the same class next year or not? If they are going to be separated anyway, would it be so traumatic for him to be in a different grade? Gosh, my heart breaks for you! Any of us could be in your shoes. This is one of the hardest parts of having multiples...figuring out what is best for them individually when they want to be part of their group.

Could you get him into a good education-based care center for the summer to help him catch up? If he is a young five, a preschool might even work for his needs. He might even enjoy the independence from his siblings and blossom! My son had to start to pre-school through our school district because he was so far below his age level. I thought he would be devastated to leave his sisters...Wrong! The girls were upset that they could not go with him, but he never cried for any of us! Within one year, he not only caught up, but his teachers even recommended he start kindergarten early. We declined because I did not want my (just turned) four yr old in a class with six yr olds.

Let us know how things go as the year progresses. ((((((Good luck!))))))

I taught 8th grade prior to being a SAHM with my trio, but I would only say a couple things to you:

1. You know your child best; follow your instincts.
2. Can you try another med? Or at least another one until he turns 6?
3. Whether he advances to the first grade or experiences another year in K, please get him some professional help during the summer to get him caught up.
4. Someone mentioned it before, but if he has been diagnosed with ADHD, he qualifies for an IEP. Please make sure he has one. Modifications can be made that will help him become more successful than he currently is.
5. Keep loving him.

Good luck, and remember, it's only January! Hang in there!

Paula

Paula P-F

I'd like to thank everyone for their advice. We are having B.J. tutored. I just love them all and want the best sometimes I think I worry to much! The teachers say that he is behind and at the bottom of the class but, because he tries they don't see a problem.
Today the teacher said "I don't have any trouble with B.J.'s behavior (we have tons of trouble at home) It Alex that I have trouble with" (we don't have trouble with Alex at home) I'm so confused at how to handle the home/school thing. The bottom line is I want the best for my kids. They all have their little issues do you just let them go and hope they out grow them or do you fight for help now so that it won't be worse when they get older?

Cody: Arnold Chairi,Reflux, Moderate to Servere Asthma,Cronic ear
and Sinus infections and, allergies. Received therapy paid by our insurance for trunk weekness and left sided weekness and gross and fine motor delays. Then it got to be to much driving 2+hours once a week to the hospital so we discontinued in hopes the school would help. He is also at the top of his class. No so in art and gym.

Alex: Mild Asthma,Allergies. Received OT therapy paid by our insurance. Dicontinued for the same reasons. Alex is very hyper and,Shy. He is a angel for me at home but, awful for others. I wish I could change that. How?

B.J.: Very mild asthma and allergies and, cronic ear infections. He has ADHD. They are also still ruleing out PDDNOS. They don't really know whats wrong in my opion. He is a loyal child and very caring. I love so much! I wish I could get in his brain and sort things out and help make the connections that need to be made.

Oh well we will make it through.

lovinmyboys
Alex BJ Cody 5
Zack 8