Has anyone else found that their friends who have singletons suddenly do not want to talk to you about the struggles of parenthood? Just in the last week this has happened to me several times. Someone will start to talk about some frustrations then say "Well, I shouldn't complain to YOU--compared to you I have it easy!" Now I admit that sometimes depending on what the vent is about, I may sort of be feeling like "give me a break" but in general I want to be included in what my friends are going through. Just because I have three does not mean I can't relate! I guess it sort of hurts my feelings and leaves me feeling somewhat excluded.... Anyone else deal with this?

Sonya, Mommy to:

Tyler 8-15-01
Amanda 5-23-03
Leah 5-23-03
Trevor 5-23-03

That's why I finally joined my Mothers of Multiples Club. I was the only one with triplets for most of the time but at least the other moms understood a little better than my other friends. Infact my other friends quit inviting me over to their homes. I think my 4 sons and I intimidated them. My kids are 21 years old now and my best friends are almost all from my multiples club.

mom to:
Ryan 32 The Lawyer
Jason 30 The Chief Meteorologist
Chris 30 The College Student
Tim 30 The college grad

I love hearing their versions of their childhood memories!!

after waiting to be a mom, it's hard to feel like you still don't fit in because a lot of people don't see you as just another mom. i'm still struggling with it,but i also found that when i called a couple freinds who had been supportive during my pregnancy, but had dropped off after the babies were born, i found that they were really glad to hear from me. it turned out that they assumed that i wouldn't have time to talk to them, and didn't know when to call. once they knew that i appreciated those calls, and even a message on my answering machine things got a little better. i also got a cordless phone with an earpiece so i can chat a little longer, and still play with the babies. that has helped my old freinds remember that i'm still me, but i really haven't been able to make new freinds unless it was through the multiples club. actually they didn't used to have any triplet moms, but since i've joined so have 3 others.

just know you aren't the only triplet mom out there, even if you are the only one in your town.

jen

jen- mom to
leah,lynnette and lorraine 28w2d

ray 30w5d

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i have found this too. in fact, people don't talk to me period! we just moved to a new state (5 mo. ago) and in the apt complex we live in there are quite a few people with one and two kids. i was invited to one playgroup a couple weeks in a row, but that was it, and no one ever calls me to do anything. there is one girl that i do a lot with and she has one 8 month old, but i love her because she just treats me like a normal person and invites me to do things. i think a lot of the people here in our complex just don't know me yet and know that i'm game for anything, but no one ever really talks to me either. having multiples can be isolating, not because of the babies, but how other people perceive us.
sometimes when other moms say to me "you have your hands full" i just say, "you do too it looks like!" because 'just' one is a life change as well.
you aren't alone!

Meg

I am worrying about the play dates already! I have one friend who has a son my older son's age and a daughter the age of the babies and I think she will be great, but I am afraid we will feel pretty overwhelming to others. Christy does talk to me about her issues and that means alot to me!

Sonya, Mommy to:

Tyler 8-15-01
Amanda 5-23-03
Leah 5-23-03
Trevor 5-23-03

Sonya
I have actually found that playdates with our multiple friends are less sressful to me. Houses are defiantley very child proofed. Also a person with multiples are used to having their eyes on hordes of children and arent afraid to stop a child, any child not necessarily their own. Someone with a singleton really doesnt get this concept. They are able to sit and chat while watching their one child and I am usually running around after my 3

I am in a regular playgroup with other moms from my multiples club. The other children are twins, we are the only triplets in our playgroup. We did once have a mom of a singleton, but she dropped out, giving some very lame excuses. We just figured we overwhelmed her. It's funny that other mothers of multiples just don't get as overwhelmed by the amount of kids. We even offer at the holidays for two moms to stay behind with the kids and two to go shopping! Hey, what's a few more kids when you are used to a tribe?

Krista
Michael, Katherine & Daniel
7/25/01 27w5d

Krista
b/g/b
July 2001

Krista,
I always offer to babysit for my friends kids. I agree I pretty much feel the same way, at this point what is 1 more kid for a few hours. Unfortunately, I usually dont get the same offers. I do luckily have 1 terrific friend my daughter's godmother), her daughteris 5 weeks younger than my 3 (we call them our quad). She has babysat for me on numerous occassions and has even offered to take my kids for a weekend (I'm not ready yet). We are all going to disney in NOv. So their are people who wont treat you any differently, but there are also people who are totally overwhelmed by us
Tara

I am hoping this summer to hook up more with our multiple group moms. Part of the isolation right now that I feel is related to the rsv season quarantine.

Sonya, Mommy to:

Tyler 8-15-01
Amanda 5-23-03
Leah 5-23-03
Trevor 5-23-03

I've been expreinecing a different dynamic in this area. A friend at work and I got pregnant at the same time. We were all about compairing notes in the begining. When I found out mine were triplets she was done with me. I've been working from home now for some time so I don't have the face to face with her. Everyone says any time they bring me and my pregnancy up she leaves the room. I don't want her to feel like her pregnancy is less special than mine but I also don't want mine to be less special becuase of hers. I guess there is something I am missing.

Froggy

A very similar thing happened to me at work, too. Someone else was pregnant with her first when I found out. I tried to be as low key as you can be about something like this, but obviously it is a big deal. I didn't want her first pregnancy to be overshadowed, but she was obviously not happy. I have been at this job for many years and she was relatively new, so I'm sure that factored into people reactions, too. She did not come back after her delivery and I never heard anything from her.....which was OK, since we were not friends outside of work. I felt bad, but there was nothing I could have done. I often asked her how she was feeling and showed a lot of interest because I remember what a big deal my first pregnancy a few years ago was......

Sonya, Mommy to:

Tyler 8-15-01
Amanda 5-23-03
Leah 5-23-03
Trevor 5-23-03

I actually lost what I had thought was a good friend during my pregnancy. She was upse about the date of my shower because It was going to be within 2 weeks of her sheduled c section of her 2nd child. SHe thought it should have been later (it was at 26 weeks). She made the comment It isnt more special just because it's 3. She's right (all cpreganancies are wonderful), but she had also been thru 3 years of infertility with me and I expected more from her.

I completely sympathize with your situation, and I know others have raised the concern, too. I wish I had time to search the archives, because it seems like there was another thread not that long ago (2-3 months) that might have mentioned good "come backs" to help people get over their issues with HOM moms. (I don't mention the other thread to make you feel bad, btw. I think it's good that these issues come up repeatedly, because plenty of us miss threads, hmmm, I wonder why LOL.)

For the expectant moms out there, I also want to say that I've been blessed with friends who have singletons the same age as my trio, and it's a delight to have playdates with them. I've been able to do extra outings with my kids because I can go with another mom and her singleton, and she has an extra arm/hand for one of my kids. Also, the older your kids get, the easier it can be to find "common ground" with parents of singletons--preschool, potty training, etc. Once you're not in the throes of infancy, it's easier to insist to singleton parents that you do have common concerns and really mean it.

That isn't to say that sometimes I think parents of singletons don't know how easy their lives are! But let's face it, if I'd had a singleton first, I wouldn't KNOW what it was like to mother triplets, and I would still have felt plenty tired, overwhelmed, scared, etc. That's usually what I say when I get the "oh, I can't complain to you" line: "Parenting is tough no matter how many kids you have."

HTH,
Jody
g/b/g born Jan 2001
http://www.geocities.com/hombiblio/

Jody
g/b/g born Jan 2001
http://www.geocities.com/hombiblio/

I totally feel the same way. We seemed to have lost or at least don't do anything with our friends anymore after the triplets where born ours are 5 now and it still hasn't gotten any better. When I had my first child my friend was having twins and I thought I don't know how she does it. My first one was so sick all the time and, when not sick he was on the go and, he only wanted MOMMY! Then I had the triplets and you know most of the time it was easier with them then it was with my first child. You just got to remember everyone is different each child and, each parent and we are all different in how we handle things.

lovinmyboys
Alex BJ CODY 5
Zack 8

You're welcome! So far is is mostly the "I feel bad complaining" that I run across. I am trying to get more involved in our local multiples group, but that will mostly have to wait until after RSV season, then I am hoping to get out more with other MOM's. I had the same issue during the pregnancy too, since my good friend was pregnant at the same time.

Sonya, Mommy to:

Tyler 8-15-01
Amanda 5-23-03
Leah 5-23-03
Trevor 5-23-03