It's great that you find the positive posts to be most helpful, but some people find the vents to be most helpful because it helps them to not feel alone when they are having a bad day(s). The point is really that everyone is different and we all come here for our own reasons with the hope that we won't be judged for what we say here. You were offended by the statements above just as others may have felt judged by your post. Could it be that some people found your words unkind in a way?

Really, any post that begins with what you think of other people's posts is going nowhere good, despite best intentions. I'm sorry that you were put off by people's response, but it honestly had no hope of turning out any other way.

Casey

Im Sorry but your post seemed like a huge slap in the face to OP and all the responders on the venting post. It was so full of judgement! I am one of those that tend to live on the sunnier side of the street but I also live in reality.Raising triplets is not full of sunshine and roses, trying to shove that perception down anyones throat is just a bit insensitive.

BBG 6/21/06

try not to cry foul after your original post...while your post of "blessings and enjoyment" of triplets tried to sound sincere, it really came off as chiding those that responded to the vent post.

We already know we need to be positive, we already know negative feeds off negative, I don't think any of us needed that pointed out, but you felt we did.

Everyone has different outlooks, somedays I want to vent, somedays I want to focus on the positive. Guess I'm saying if you post because it makes you sad that many moms are jealous of singleton moms, you are going to get comments like you got. If people want to vent, simply let them, maybe hold off a while before you post a life is good, be grateful for your many blessings post, rather than on the heels of a vent post.

I have 4 children, work and have a nanny. Yet I will complain when I feel like it for reasons that suit me, regardless of what others think...does not mean I don't have my positive, running thru the fields of flowers days. I just hope I'm smart enough not to post those when my internet friends are needing some vent time.

sorry you feel like people aren't kind because they are expressing their reality...sometimes reality isn't kind.

Jonib
Abby, Andy and Caroline turned 2 Nov. 20th!
Rhett turns 10 12/15!

no, I can't get the lily pie to work

Maybe more people would post if people kept it real and not always so perfect sounding in their lives and that if they don't do it a certain way then it's not right.

Seriously, you can't try to change people by making them feel bad for their very real feelings! People get negative. People get positive. People get sad and happy. People get jealous! We are all a bunch of women on this board - well mostly - and women are women and are jealous of other women! Haven't you figured that out by now?

I've been a singleton mom looking at how fun multiples would be. I've been a multiples mom looking at how nice it was to be able to go to the store real quick. I have enjoyed both lives. They both have their advantages and they both have their disadvantages. I wouldn't change either one for the world. I now enjoy having my mixed bag and love it every day! It's hard as hell, but who's life isn't at times!!

I'll be positive when I'm feeling like it and I'll be negative when I need to be. Thank you, but I'm keepin it real.

The first post sounded condescending.

This post appears to be filled with drama.

Are you a bit lonely?



Jamye

Love my GGG ~


19 months old.....and counting
Born on 08/07/06

http://www.babysites.com/sites/3petes/

popcorn smiley.. where are you??????

Parent to GGG born 31 weeks 4 days 4/26/07




http://www.thedivinemercy.org/message

  

Michelle
(formerly known as bsebllmom9 )
Tyler 17!!
Steph 15!!
Ayden, Ryley & Dylan 3 years!!

Yes, we all know we need to be positive and try to have a positive outlook on life. But there are days when this is much easier said than done. Your post came directly on the heels of a therapeutic vent session and it came off sounding holier-than-thou.

I was the one who said I was offended by your statement that the "complaining" moms obviously didn't understand the "magnitude of the gift of triplets." I still take offense at it.

Just because people have a venting session or two on TC (where else do people understand better?) doesn't mean that they have a negative outlook on life in general. It also doesn't mean that they don't understand what great gifts their kids are.

I stand by my original post.

Michelle
ggg born March 15, 2005
35.2 wks

Darn Triplethefun4 stole my smiley. I guess I will actually have to respond then. More re say what I said in the other thread since I came so late to that party.

Most of us vent about one thing or another that can be difficult. But I don't think any of us believes the bad out weighs the good. So in reading your last thread I didn't see it as people attacking something for expressing positive views. But rather defending their feelings that were expressed so recently in the vent thread. Because of your timing your post probably made some feel somewhat insulted, as if their vent about a small part of parent meant they didn't appreciate their children or 'count their blessings' enough. We all have our days. It is quite funny to read this forum over the years. You are not the first to respond to a vent with a "just think positive" response. It never turns out different. And those people who posted those think positive count your blessing posts in the past now participating in some of the venting posts. Because we ALL have our days. Doesn't make anyone less of a parent or parent any less fun.

You find it better to read and think positive. Great, do that. Some others find it better to occasionally dump out their frustrations so they can focus on the positive later. The responses you got to your post were all about the timing. I bet if you waited a week or two to post your post, and a little wording change, most of the same people who vented would have been posted how amazingly blessed they feel. And how many of them feel sad for singleton moms for never being able to experience same age siblings playing, laughing, hugging. I have read that thread a few times over the years too.

Tasha
Have children afraid of monsters or just looking for a fun kids app? http://www.goawaymonster.com/

though i am pretty much clueless
as to what is really going on here

think some lurkers like could be like myself

we lurk because after years of being on TC
we have seen the drama come and go
and we have been burned at one time or another by either someone
or something they have said on this forum

it is hard to sometimes word things just exactly right
or to get the right feeling of what we are saying in the forum world
so many times things get taken wrong

i am one who has seen this happen hundreds of times over the years

or some might lurk simply because TC was a great source
of help and information in the beginning
but as time has gone by and the kids get older
we grow farther away from the needs that are on this forum

just a thought is all
and am sure will get my share of flames at me for not knowing
what is going on lol

Well, good for you! I read your post and I was astounded because my life was a wreck back when my kids were that age. I wish I had been as positive and happy as you sound back then.

But I am NOW, so I guess it all works out in the end. I read the vent posts and think, "Thank God I'm over that stage. Thank God I'm not there anymore."

So here's to many more happy years and stages, and when you hit the rough spots, just know it doesn't last. In my opinion, it just gets better and better.

I also laugh at the snarky responses, because I tend to be a little snarky myself and then I think, "Oh goodie, some entertainment for the day." I wouldn't take it personally. But it's best not to stoke the fires either. Unless you are bored, of course.

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

Hi - It just depends on what kind of day you are having. Some days I feel just as you described in your previous "triplets are a blessing" post. I have days where I feel on top of the world. Then there are days like today. I can't wait for nap time. I'm so ready to get these kiddo's out of my hair for a couple of hours! It has been a complete meltdown, whinefest, fightfest, chaotic day.

It is very normal to feel blessed and over the moon some days and then completely overwhelmed other days.

Try to take all the comments with an open mind and not personally. I feel your original post was sweet and it made me stop and think about what a blessing my babies are. Others may be having one of those "bad days" and just need to post about how they are feeling at this moment.

Okay, didn't we do this yesterday. And where do you find that popcorn guy at, I like him.
Anyways, I thought that was the whole reason of TC, the freedom to express your emotions and concerns to other multiple moms. Have the choice to respond to a thread if so wanted to. If a thread is negative than why respond to it. If you are a positive person than stay away from the negativity of others. I like to think that I am and can be positive with the way my life as turned out. But there were bad days when my girls were small and I am sure that there will be plenty more. I hope that I can count on some of you to understand when I do have those bad days. I am sorry that this has turned ugly for you. But like the pps stated, timing is everything.



Nicole,
My little lady's
Brynn, Taylor, Shelby,
36w, March 22, 04
Formerly known as niknakx3

Hillyt mom to
Ian 9
Ella, Holly, Jilly 4
Hadley 1

I swear I am not choosing sides, but did want to say that it was a lot easier to be positive until the kids were about 2 1/2, and easier again once they were a bit over 4. There is a big point in the middle there where I felt like I was being eaten alive. Potty training, giving up naps, biting, and the like tend to push many of us to the edge now and then. I tend to be really pretty positive in real life, and use a board like this to comiserate and get support from other people who have been there.

I think there is room for both outlooks, but it should be said in a way that at least tries to not slam someone....

Your original post came off very condesending, especially since it was right after 3petes WONDERFULLY HUMAN post. I'm not negative all the time, but reading her post and everyone else's responses was a breath of fresh air. It was a huge weight off my heart to discover I'm not the only one who feels and thinks the things I do. It never occurred to me that other MOM's have to make special arrangements to go to the grocery, etc. That's the whole point of this forum.

Excuse me and the rest of us for having human emotions, and for having houses that are a mess and aren't filled with laughter and hugs 24/7.

"Maybe more people would post if people here were more kind."
Maybe you should take a dose of your own medicine before you start judging people for having normal emotions.

Jenny
single mom to spontaneous BBB 34w 2d

http://lilypie.com>

Ahh.. get over it. Go back, read your replies there are just as many posts agreeing with you as there are ones who are offended.

It's your right to have your own post about loving the experience etc, it's other's right to vent and rightfully so raising triplets is a roller coaster.

I personally would like to rent my nearly 3 yr olds out for a year, simply because they are making me bonkers right now and LOVED LOVED to read the vents because I felt human, normal and I was relived to know that all the negative thoughts swirling in my head weren't only because I was a mean Mommy.

Of course I love my kids, they are my greatest wish come true but it doesn't mean I can't be tired or frustrated.

Keep lurking or posting, but as someone who tries to see things "half full" you sure are dwelling on the negative.

Misty
Mom to Emma,Isabella and Sophia
05/06/05 33 weeks

I'm saying this with compelte kindness, just trying to give you insight into why your post offended some posters.

Right about the same time, there was a vent post and two positive posts. I posted to the vent post because I found it very helpful, real and honest. I can understand and anticipate some of those feelings and it helps to know that others have been there and made it through. I also responded to the other "non-vent" post because to me, it was also honest without attacking anyone who felt differently. I thought it was a beautiful thought without judgment. I did not repsond to your post because I knew that it would offend others who had just taken a vulnerable chance (myself included) at being accepted for real feelings.

Have you never had a day where you cried in your bathroom thinking you would never get a break?

Your general sentiment about your kids and the big picture is beautiful and wonderful. But, real life and real people are all different and everyone has bad days. Sometimes, it helps to vent and to be honest.

DS,18; DD, 12; DD, 9
B,G,G 8/21/08 32w 1d (24 NICU days for all 3)

I really think that you should choose your words a bit more carefully next time. I can understand wanting other to see the positive HOWEVER.... we do need to vent.. When I resonded to the other post it was the FIRST time I had ever let it out what has been bothering me because I just let it bottle up and I don't allow myself to ever complain or vent because I am always telling myself how lucky I am and the one time I decide to let it out, I read a post like yours. I don't even know you and I shouldn't even let your words and thought make me feel guilty but because of the person I am I did let it bother me ... so please don't make us feel bad because we are only human and need to vent. For some of us this is all we have.

I normally would have to agree that people in general tend to be negative but the way that I see what happened is that a real mother needed to post her feelings as a mother. I don't see what the point in explaining to someone to positive was. I think that everyone here is well aware in the day and age we are in that it is believed that positivity changes everything.

Personally, I have not experienced "bad days" with my babies yet. They are now 15 mo old and my DH and I have not had a single day of help with them and never needed it. They also came straight home from the hospital with no medical issues. I had no bedrest. I had an uneventful pregnancy.

Most of the women you are telling to be positive experienced a "journey" to get their triplets, went through hell in their pregnancy only to deliver their babies severely premature and their babies fought for their lives - give me a fricken break if you think these women don't realize that their triplets are a blessing.

Life is life. Bad days happen. Being positive to make life go well was on Oprah - we probably all saw it.

Wow I'm being a B***H...go figure


Momma C to 15 mo old BGB trips!
DOB 12*15*06
4 pound 34.5 weekers

My post was misunderstood as far as the whole venting thing. I don't have any problem with people venting. We all need to vent when we are having bad days.

What I was commenting on is the being "Jealous of singleton parents". Okay wrong timing, fine. But it bothered my heart and I wanted to share about triplets being a blessing. And being thankful for having triplets.

Jealously is not a good thing! By saying that your jealous of someone, it means that you are not happy with what you have. Yeah you can say, thats not true, but what else does jealously mean? To be jealous or envy of someone is to wish for what they have, right?

Well you don't have one child, you have three and always will. And you need to be thankful for them, through the good days and the bad. Jealously is not going to help any.

The reason I wrote this post is b/c many triplet moms have told me that they have given up on posting here b/c they will get bashed for sharing their feelings. And it's true.

I wrote my feelings if a different post, I didn't respond to pete3 's post b/c I didn't what to start drama in there, but I did want to share about the jealously thing.

For those of you that understand where my heart is on this issue, thank you. If not then so be it.

Cheryl
Mommy to 5
Kyle (16)
Casey (13)
Tripz (BBG Jan 2006)


http://lilypie.com>

I read your original post. In my humble opinion, you said nothing offensive. I chat on about three different boards and I have found that many have a tendency to take something a certain way, then speak to the original poster as if that is what the poster must have meant.

It doesn't matter that your words never insulted or judged. If its taken that way, you will be grilled for it.

I have had a few here who have called me a jerk and insensitive even though what they pulled from my words had no meaning like the way they took it.

When someone says "you offended me", that is impossible. Nobody can offend someone. One has to choose to be offended. Being offended is a choice. We choose how we react.

And even if there were some words that may have been questionable, your intent was obvious in the whole post. You were simply trying to help.

Surviving husband to Tammie who passed in March of 2009.
Now married to Nina.
Father of Samantha Nicole, Kayla Shea , and Dominic Paul born on 10/14/02
Step-father to Kristina Nicole born on 09/24/85
Grandfather to Riley Faith born on 5/13/06
Come and see

Peaches and creme here and one of my triplets is in a skilled nursing facility!!!.
He tried to set up the other day!!!! 2yrs I've been waiting for this. My children feed off of me so it's very important to be positive. Mostly for a enviroment.
I feel if our family didn't have such positive thoughts our son wouldn't be here. And sometimes you get down, because I've posted. The positive thoughts keep me going.
Jeannett

I am new at this......my kids are only 2 months old. I appreciate your POSITIVE post; I appreciate every positive comment that I hear. I heard sooooooo much negative when I was pregnant with the trips; I really got tired of the negative comments . Thanks for being POSITIVE.

I agree that we all need to vent sometimes but I also agree that NEGATIVE feeds off of NEGATIVE.
I am new here and learning. Please don't eat me alive

I think what rubbed me the wrong way about your post was that you felt that anyone who was jealous of a singleton mom didn't appreciate the fact that they have triplets. ("The magnitude of the gift of triplets" - or something like that.) That simply isn't true. That's it.

Oh, and Lea? Bravo. You are incredibly articulate!

Jo

Liesel, Radek, & Courtney
Born 31 weeks, 1 day
August 28, 2007

nick g I usually agree with you...only because you are a male I guess! But I think you are off the mark on this one, first of all you failed to make me laugh which is something I've come to expect from your posts. Secondly, it was all about timing...so many of us just hit the vent post...and then we get a slap on the wrist about our blessings. give me a break on that one! I expect greater things from nick G!

I'm sorry, but I'm sarcastic and positive...sometimes the sarcasm is what gets me through...I can't stand having to preface a whine about how much I love my kids...
most people know a positive outlook is healthier both spiritually and physically, but for petes sake, a vent is just that, a vent. That is why I come here instead of calling my mother...I don't need to freakin hear how lucky I am...I just want to commiserate with people who understand.

Cheryl, if you don't understand...hold your posts until a vent post is AT LEAST off the first page...and please spare the pity party...I think you knew what you were posting and how it would come off.

I'm back to take care of my blessings with the flu AND double ear infections as of today's dr's visit...anybody want to tell me how blessed I am I just might have to find a punching bag smiley

Jonib
Abby, Andy and Caroline turned 2 Nov. 20th!
Rhett turns 10 12/15!

no, I can't get the lily pie to work

As a lurker, sometimes I lurk to get great advice. Sometimes I lurk to find out new ideas for toys. Sometimes I lurk for the drama. But mostly I lurk because after 3 years with triplets, I have an attention span of about 5 minutes. And this place offers me that five minutes several times a day, with people that I think understand how I'm feeling, especially when I want to vent.

Someone once posted that it should be a given that all of us LOVE LOVE LOVE our triplet children. That we can't imagine life without them. It would be great if every time we came onto the site, we could click "i agree" at the end of a long statement saying just that. And then we could feel free to complain (or B*#^h?) all we want.

Truly I lurk because I'm inspired by such an amazing group of mothers, and I can't get that great advice from anyone else.

Sude
mother of Milly, Sabine & Jack
5/12/05

I agree with you Cheryl. I think if someone made the choice to birth their children, then they have no right to be jealous of the singleton mother. Those who have many children, you made the choice to have them. You did not have to have them. Now, I am in now way advocating for abortion, since I am pro-life but the fact remains that there are options.

I agree that positive is better than negative. I try every day to remember that my triplets are a blessing and that there are many moms of angels out there who wish they were dealing with my 3 boys who dont sleep through the night or someone elses triplets who are wreaking havoc on their parents' living room, etc. I can guarantee you those people would be grateful just to have their children alive.

I'm not saying that venting is not necessary. Sure, everyone has bad days. I personally try not to read the venting posts because I dont want to see what I could possibly (or not) have to look forward to. It is really all in how you perceive things.

So I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your thoughts.

Momma to BBB triplets born 04/11/08 @ 34w1d
Landon (My Charmer)
Kadyn (My Cuddler)
Reilly (My Cookey Crazy)

huh???

I missed something.

Having both singletons and triplets...I DO miss having the intimacy of one baby. It's just the TRUTH. I love my trio, but there are things you miss out on.

oh well.

Christa
Mommy of:
Reagan, "Queen Bee"
Ethan, "Mr. Cuddles"
Delaney, "Da Boss"
Addison, "Sweet Pea"
Joel, "Super Sillies"

I used to view and post a lot more here. I don't know the personalities of the people on the board now, but when my trio was much younger, there were periodic outbursts of sniping and cattiness / pettiness. Over the span of several years, i found it to be episodic and recurrent. Let is roll off your back as best you can. Enjoy the board for what it offers, including a lot of great advice and commiseration during difficult times.

Best of luck!


Mark
Lucky husband to Sally
Dad to g/b/b triplets
in Spring 2003 at 36w2d

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