Hi All,

Hope everyone is enjoying the summer like weather!
Just wondering if anyone has experienced this. One of my 3 boys is causing himself to throw up if he doesn't get his way. He screams or makes the gagging motion. If I don't pick him up or give him what he wants, I get vomit all over the floor. Any advise?? Please help, I don't want to raise a child that is in control of me!

Thanks!

Mary

Mary
BBB Born 07/01/2007 - Happy Canada Day!

Ignore him. Clean up the vomit once you've removed him from the area and he's in time out. Don't say a word to him. Don't let him see a reaction from you.

He's not getting his way, he will figure this way isn't working for him and give it up.

Or if he's old enough, have him clean it up. Obviously it won't be perfect. Hand him some paper towels and tell him to get to it. Once he's done it, have him sit in time out. Tell him we don't tolerate that kind of behavior and then once he's out of the room clean it up how you know it needs to be done. I'm sure once he's had to clean it up a couple of times, he'll give it up.

Don't give him the option to be in control. You're the parent. You're in charge. Period.

Michelle
(formerly known as bsebllmom9 )
Tyler 17!!
Steph 15!!
Ayden, Ryley & Dylan 3 years!!

Mary, your son is only 11 months old, right? I'm not entirely sure time out works well for kids that young. It definitely might for some kids, but most kids don't really understand the time-out concept for quite some time.

Also, have you talked to your pedi about this? I know the first thought for many people is to ignore the situation, but that may not cure the vomiting. It's definitely worth a try...but if you find that ignoring the child doesn't improve and eventually resolve the situation, then there's a good chance you might be doing more harm than good. At 11 months old, he still needs to have his basic needs met...and one of those needs is love/attention. That doesn't mean you need to give in and console him until he stops crying...but at least acknowledge what is going on or redirect him to another activity. When he feels like he is losing control, he depends on you to help him re-gain that control. If he is upset, then you might want to react calmly and quietly to diffuse his emotions. And if possible, try to do it before he really blows up. I'm sure there are signs and when you see the first sign, see if you can modify the behavior before it starts.

>
>Also, have you talked to your pedi about this? I know the
>first thought for many people is to ignore the situation, but
>that may not cure the vomiting.>

I'm not sure where you're coming from, Crystal. I have seven kids, most of whom have done this sort of thing. I don't understand second-guessing a parent who's got a lot of experience.

We have one girl who's affectionately known as Ruca-Puka (like puke with an ah on the end). She did this when she was younger. That was her way. Did it in the car, did it at home in bed, and basically whenever things didn't go her way.

The problem was, she was rubbing off on the others and they were trying their hand at the puke-for-attention thing.

So, ignoring it was the only way we could deal with it. Quietly grabbing her at the first "hork noise" and setting her off to the side where she could puke in peace without getting attention and without making the others think it's okay. She quickly realized that puking was not helping her get her way.

In the car, and other situations, she had to deal. We gave her no attention and carried on our conversation with the others the best we could.

We absolutely will not coddle a child whose behavior is negative at the time that the negative behavior is occurring. Talk about reinforcing.

And trying to redirect - yeah, good luck. You've got three or four others who are behaving themselves and you are going to devote all of your energy on the one who's having the fit? What's that teach the rest? "If I want attention, I'd better throw a fit."

In our house, and it's always worked, we ignore the bad behavior, instruct after the fact in a calm manner, and reward good behavior.

Mom of: Kristi(25), Kevin(22), Kelli(20), Angus(8) and GGB - Ruca, Nadia and Max (6) Born 10-14-04 at 34 weeks.

I agree with Michelle. Nolan would do this to us around that age. We ignored him (not totally but enough that he knew we weren't going to give in) and it stopped. Took all but three times but it worked. Time outs worked wonders for us too. He's still a baby at 11 months old but he knows the difference between positive & negative attention. Any attention is good to them so ignoring it is a happy medium. Took me 5 years to figue that last one out, LOL!!!

Tiffani & Ray(NJ)

I would go with the "experienced mom" advice on this one. I completely agree with Michelle. Once your son realizes he can control a situation, he will use it to his advantage. It can be difficult to ignore it, but doing so should minimize and eventually end this behavior.

Crystal's advice is nice text-book, psych advice, but isn't practical when trying to establish a boundaries with toddlers. Crystal, I hope your kids (when you have them) never do this to you, BUT if they do, I think you will find that always trying to please a child will only make things difficult for you.

Melanie
BGB born at 32 weeks in 2005

Crystal. I have seen you doling advice to many parents around here and never having had a child yourself. At least not that you have acknowledged. I'd love to know where you get your parenting expertise from. You are what 10 weeks pregnant?

I have been a parent for 17 years. I think I've been through temper tantrums, control issues, etc. I never said not to show love and attention. At about 1 years old, you can sit the kid in a time out, whether it be strap them in to their high chair to cool off or put them in their crib for a cool off. No one said sit them in the corner, lecture them for an hour.

Granted I missed the part where the kid was 1 years old. So giving them a towel to clean up their own mess is not going to work, but it will work for those reading that have older kids that are pulling this stunt.

Redirection is great, I'm all for it and did it with my own kids and still do. I also do it with my daycare kids, meaning putting them someplace else while you clean it up. Don't let them see you taking the time to do this, otherwise they win. They are getting the attention they are seeking. You put them where they can't see you and they are removed from the situation and can think about something else.

I'm sticking to my experienced parenting style. I'm in control. I'm in charge. It's my way or the high way. My kids are loved beyond belief and they know it, because there is love and discipline and they know I don't take their crap. Does that mean they won't be trying to pull something past me through the stages and phases of their lives, you bet! But I'm not backing down and they will know it. Do I beat them and leave them in a corner to fester for the day? Um, no.

So please share where you get your parenting experience from. I'd love to glean more knowledge any chance I get.

Michelle
(formerly known as bsebllmom9 )
Tyler 17!!
Steph 15!!
Ayden, Ryley & Dylan 3 years!!

Thank you everyone. I will try what was suggested. I try my best to give as much attention to each of my boys, but as you all know, it can get hard sometimes. I'll keep you posted....

Thanks again!

Mary
BBB Born 07/01/2007 - Happy Canada Day!

It doesn't take actually having a child to understand psychology and developmental milestones. I have spent a great deal of time babysitting and working in a daycare with many different children. I have children in my family. I was a child myself. All of my best friends have children under the age of 4 who have recently experienced similar issues which they discussed with me in-depth. The most important thing I have learned is that there are many different parenting styles, and 5 children who are parented the same way may all respond differently. Thus, I feel it's important to offer multiple suggestions for correcting a behavior rather than just one.

With regard to this situation, I just saw a few people mention "ignoring" and at 11 months old, there could be another layer to the tantrums that ignoring might worsen. It also might 100% solve the problem...but my point was that she shouldn't continue ignoring if the tantrums continue.

My advice isn't meant to be parenting advice from someone who has raised her own children...it's meant to be general advice from someone who has a pretty good foundation in psychology and has a lot of life experience with children. I find that many of my suggestions are supported by some other parents who have also tried and succeeded in doing the same things. I understand that some parents are really offended by people who offer advice but don't actually have their very own children. But if advice is helpful, does it matter who offers it? And if it's not helpful or if you know it won't work with your children, then ignore it. Simple enough.

Taking care of other children, not your own, is a completely different story. I, too, did tons of babysitting before having my own.

I am not a psychologist, but I do have 11+ years experience as a parent. There is a difference between hands-on parenting and theory - point blank. You will find this out when you have your kids.

If you have kids who vomit to get what they want and you jump through hoops to prevent it, you will be one TIRED parent!!!

Melanie
BGB born at 32 weeks in 2005

I think the problem, Crystal, is that a person who's never been a parent or even a parent of a singleton cannot possibly give BTDT advice to a mom with triplets. You've got a multi-faceted family dynamic in which every action you do affects not only that particular child, but how the others view their behavior as well.

You're taking "text book" parenting and applying it to a mom with triplets? How presumptuous to think that a few psych classes and some babysitting would give you the wisdom and experience.

I thought I knew how to raise triplets before I had them because I had four childre before. I found out after one day of having them that I didn't know jack about raising three at once. It's a whole different ballgame.

Mom of: Kristi(25), Kevin(22), Kelli(20), Angus(8) and GGB - Ruca, Nadia and Max (6) Born 10-14-04 at 34 weeks.

I didn't realize my suggestions were so poor. Upon reading other posts, it really seemed as if they were similar to many other suggestions made by other mothers of triplets. I must admit, though, that I think it's just as presumptuous to think that someone who isn't in your exact situation cannot possibly give you any ideas or advice of substance...and that applies to all aspects of life, not just parenting triplets. Out of the goodness of my heart, I was honestly trying to offer help to those who were looking for some suggestions.

Regardless, it appears that quite a few of you are offended that I would offer help. Thus, I will respect your position as experienced triplet parents and stop offering unwanted advice. I apologize to those of you I have offended.

It's not the offering of an opinion, but the suggestion that the advice of an experience parent (who has 5 kids, including triplets) could be wrong. After you've had your trio for a few years and you've encountered things you never dreamed you'd deal with, then a difference of opinion is a welcome addition to a post asking for suggestions. All that I think these ladies are asking is that you tread lightly when it comes to offering parenting advice. It's like a first year med student trying to tell an MD that his professional advice is wrong. It's not going to go over very well.

Mom of: Kristi(25), Kevin(22), Kelli(20), Angus(8) and GGB - Ruca, Nadia and Max (6) Born 10-14-04 at 34 weeks.

Never said your suggestions were poor. From reading your posts since you've started coming around, quite a bit I agree with. You're on the right road with your knowledge.

I am not claiming to be an expert and that what I've done is the right way and there is no other way. This is what worked for me. It's worked for a lot of other people. It's from experience. I don't have a problem with someone offering up different advice than mine, especially if it worked for them and their kids. I have issue with someone who has NEVER had a kid say that what I do is wrong. That's all. Once you've had a few years of real life parenting under your belt, we can discuss parenting all day. I'd be happy to.

Don't stop posting because of this...that's for sure. You do give some good advice. Maybe just have a siggy line that let's people know that you have kids on the way and that way they don't think that what you have advised really did work for you. That's all. But you do what you want. I'm not in charge of this shindig and offer what worked for me where I see it might help. It's a public forum and there are a wide variety of personalities around here.

Michelle
(formerly known as bsebllmom9 )
Tyler 17!!
Steph 15!!
Ayden, Ryley & Dylan 3 years!!

I have no problem with people offering advice. We all know how much advice is worth. What works for one, won't work for another. I have found in my many years of parenting and dealing with other people's children since I began babysitting, when I was young, that ignoring bad behavior seems to be the best tool. Acting up is asking for attention. Give the attention when they're being good, not bad. You will get better behaved children and children that thrive on that. Who wants a bratty kid that acts up negatively to get the attention they desire? Sure as heck not me! I don't tolerate it. I hate to see it in other children as well. Never have, never will.

I'm glad you have a good handle on the psychology of children. It will help you. I also have a good handle on the psychology of children, in theory and real life. Some things look better in a book then put in to real practice. You will see that living with a child 24/7 and not seeing that child here and there and hearing how a child behaves, is a big difference. You will see that some things just work better when you do it differently than a book says.

Kids are out for themselves, by nature. Whatever they can try to get away with they will. If you let them. Keep them in line and you will have some of the best behaved children. Let them get away with too much and you will have those obnoxious children that no one wants to be around.

Good luck with your babies! I'm sure they will be in great hands. Keep a go with the flow attitude and you'll do just fine. I totally agree with raise 5 kids in the same household with the same parents and you can get 5 different kids. Everyone's different. This I totally understand. But my core parenting is the same regardless of the kid, whether they be mine or the ones in my care throughout the week. So far so good.

OP - sorry to hijack your thread. Hope you find something that works for you. Kids are a challenge, even for the most experienced of parents!!


Michelle
(formerly known as bsebllmom9 )
Tyler 17!!
Steph 15!!
Ayden, Ryley & Dylan 3 years!!

We will have to try this...Hmmm. It might mean a few tossed NG tubes...(barfed up), but if she learned when she barfs that she has to have that dreaded procedure done again (tube insertion),...she might catch on a bit quicker. Again, it may mean more work in the short run, but less in the long run.

Susan

Parent to GGG born 31 weeks 4 days 4/26/07




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