Hi All:

Our boys will be 3 in just a few weeks. This past January, the day care they are in met with us and discussed trying to separate them to see if this would help their speech as they are all very behind. Two had tongue-release surgery a year ago so some of their delay is from that and the rest is from being a triplet. We agreed to try it and all agreed that if it did not work out the boys could go back to all the same room. Well, it is not going well at all. All 3 throw an absolute fit whenever I leave and one has sobbed and screamed for 2 hours. One was moved up to a pre-school room, one stayed in the room he was in and one went to another 2 year old room. He is doing the best. His speech was the furthest behind and now he is saying MUCH more, but....he is the only one who we have seen an improvement with the speech. The other two are so fixated on being apart that I think it is actually hurting them and not helping. The one in the preschool room is doing the worst. The other two bounce back fairly quickly after I depart, but not him. The drop off is the WORST. The all are misearble with that and at least before, one or two would be okay with me leaving. Should we give it more time or put them all back in the same room? I am so torn with what to do, but I want to make sure I make the right decision. They will have to be together next year anyway because they do not have 3 rooms for 3 year olds.

Thanks,

Jennifer

They are only 2. If it is traumatic for them to be separated then I would insist that they be put back together again. There is plenty of time for them to be on their own later.

Lori

http://yesidohavemyhandsfull.blogspot.com/

Yep, I agree... they're still really young. Ask that at least the two who aren't thriving be put back together.

Loren
GGG Jan.2005 @ 28wks

Sweetened Taters - http://sweetenedtaters.blogspot.com

I put my 3 yr old (now 4) in a pre-school room thinking it would help her towards readiness for kindergarten -- it backfired in a way I didn't anticipate. She became quite clingy -had difficulty being dropped off, had social problems in the class and HATED going there. I realize it's not exactly the same as your situation however I wonder if your little guy(s) are just overwhelmed with all the changes in such a short time.

Is it possible to put them back together in the 2 year old room where your one son has done so well? Or, is it possible to have them "visit" another room once or twice a week to get a different exposure? Eventually, with a lot of support, and staying for 30-60 minutes to drop off my daughter, she has come around to really enjoying her pre-school. I suspect the same will happen with your boys as well (if you choose to leave them where they are) but it will just take time - realistically, you can't be in 3 rooms at once to help them out...

I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" decision - this seems a bit torturous for you and the boys...in your gut, do you feel it will benefit them in the end? If not, I'd go back to having them together....

good luck

Janet
G - 12/07 35 weeks
GGG-04/10 30 weeks

My heart breaks just reading your post. I'd definitely put them back together. There is plenty of time to separate them down the road if they need to be. For now, they just need their brothers

Ellyn and the lucky 13!





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Thanks all!

I have a meeting tomorrow with day care to discuss our options. One option the Director approached me about is to drop the two off to the original room and separate them after I leave. They are familiar with the caregivers and will have each other until after I have left and so maybe going to another room will not be so bad. I guess it can't hurt to try it. They do not plan to move the one who is doing well, but even though he is doing well with his speech, the drop off is sooooo hard for us both. I may ask to see if it could be possible to drop all 3 off at their original room. That would be ideal. My husband had the opportunity to go with me Friday to drop the boys off and he had always brushed off my complaints about how hard it is on me and them. Well, not this time. He did not want to leave them and said he didn't realize how clingy they had become and that is when we started to discuss moving them back. I think if one of these other options doesn't work, we are going to request that they be moved back to their original room for now.

Thanks,
Jennifer

I wouldn't do that. If they don't want to be separated then why would you let them be upset leaving each other while you're not there. And it could backfire and make them not trust you or the teachers. Doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Also, someone mentioned putting the 2 together and leaving the 1 in his own room. That may work for some but I wouldn't do that because I know whichever one of mine was alone would feel left out and hurt.
The whole splitting multiples up thing that schools push on us PISSES me off! UGH! First of all, does the person who is telling you to split them have multiples? I doubt it. THey have NO idea of how strong the bond is with our kids. If they are sad, put all 3 in the same room and DON'T let the preschool talk you out of it! Remember, YOU are paying THEM!
Okay, sorry I get so heated about this. My trio are just doing so well in Kindergarten in the same class.
GL

Crazy mom to:
DS 10
DS 7
& BBB 5!
9/29/06 born @ 32w2d

Also: I've had 4 kids with speech delays and they are all fine now! Don't worry about that. THey are still so young!

Crazy mom to:
DS 10
DS 7
& BBB 5!
9/29/06 born @ 32w2d

I agree with everyone else. I'd put them back. They can't work on the speech if they are miserable anyway and it may be doing more damaged in the long run...

BW!
Agapi

Agapi

Proud Mommy of
Kaden, Rowen, Kai
BGB 03-22-05

Put them back in the same room. Mine are 5.5 and I still feel like that. They are together all day everyday. How sad for them to be apart at school. MIne all have their own friends at school but they also play together with other kids. I can't imagine splitting them up. At just barely 3 mine had a speech delay too and they all outgrew it. Be kind to yourself (and them ) and put them back together.

Crazy mom to:
DS 10
DS 7
& BBB 5!
9/29/06 born @ 32w2d

I agree that it is more important for them to be together right now. This does seem almost "mean" to be separating them. Do you think it is the room that has improved your son's speech or could his speech possibly just improved because time has helped? I understand that the speech is important, but more so I would think is the comfort and security they have from each other throughout the day. Is it possible to do a speech therapy session at home in the evening? Not sure if that would work or not though??

Shiloh--Proud Mom to:
BGG born 2/04
B born 7/06

I'm a big fan of separating in school, but I would agree with everyone else in this situation. I'm assuming that since it is day care, they are there all day. I wouldn't want my kids separated for that long at that age. I would think that if it is a possibility for separating for one activity, or for a little bit every day, that would be ideal. But, if that is not possible, I would definitely want them back together.

We did separate my boys for 3 year old preschool, but that was only for 2.5 hours/day. I think your situation is very different.

Kelly
Ben, Jack & Drew 05/28/02
Charlie 07/06/06
Aunt to: Liam, Aidan & Connor 03/05/08
www.outnumberedmommy.blogspot.com

Depending on the speech delay your boys may qualify for Speech Therapy services through your local intermediate unit (once they are 3), the therapist would be able to see them in their classroom at day care to work on speech with the boys, but also to help the teachers learn how to better promote the use of speech and other communication with the boys. I haven't had my multiples yet, but I am a pediatric physical therapist and worked in day care all through my 7 years of college, I can't imagine separating them at that age. I'd say to try to keep them together and see if they qualify for speech services. Honestly though it's typical for boys to be a bit behind in the language department especially because they are multiples and boys! My colleagues who are speech therapists say that all the time! That's just my two cents!

~Jennifer~
Madelynn - 2.5 years old
ID Boys - 6/5/12 (35 weeks)
Daniel - 5 lbs 7 oz
Ryder - 4 lbs 8 oz
Garrett - 5 lbs 8 oz

As you can imagine, stress and anxiety, especially in young children, is detrimental to learning and development. Given that all 3 throw a fit, and that two are stressed by the separation for long after, and that they'll be together next year anyway, I wouldn't hesitate to put them all back together now. I suspect they'll thrive and be more focused on interacting with the other kids (and therefore eventually become more expressive) if they're not this stressed.

Our girls are a few months younger than your boys, but we'd face the same scenario if we were to separate them now. Our kids definitely take comfort in one another's presence when they're away from home, and I plan to keep them together until they tell me they want to be apart.

Just for the record, our trio are now third graders and have been together since preschool and do wonderfully. I attribute part of their success to the amazing bond they share. They are independent thinkers with their own friend sets, but still love to be together. I too have huge issues with the whole mandatory separation of multiples mayhem. Fortunately, we attend a marvelous private Catholic school which has let us decide and has, in fact, agreed with our decision to keep them together.

We are just now starting to talk of possibly separating them next year because of some academic differences, but we'll see how it goes the rest of this year and get their input as well.

Ellyn and the lucky 13!





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I agree with everyone else. I would put them back together right away.