My triplets wil be 9 next week and their fighting is driving me crazy!!! Mom she touched me....she said this, he said that, she hit me, he changed the channel...they fight about who got more pasta at dinner to who gets to be served dessert first! I am losing my mind and actually told them its becoming torture to be around them. Anything I do nice for them they are always ruing the moment by fighting! I am just venting but any helpful words would be appreciated too. THANKS!!!!

Melissa
Mommy to triplets 9yrs old plus one 2 yr old!

Vent away! It can be wearing! I finally told the boys to work it out, and if it can't be worked out, then what ever is being argued about will get turned off, put away, or whatever. I stopped being the referee. Cries of "Its not fair?", I answer "If it is a fair, where is the ferris wheel?" They got so sick of hearing that piece of nonsense that they stopped with the 'Its not fair' nonsense.

Whatever it takes!LOL! Good luck!

Vaughn -- w/ three 15-yr old boys

>Vent away! It can be wearing! I finally told the boys to
>work it out, and if it can't be worked out, then what ever is
>being argued about will get turned off, put away, or whatever.
> I stopped being the referee. Cries of "Its not fair?", I
>answer "If it is a fair, where is the ferris wheel?" They got
>so sick of hearing that piece of nonsense that they stopped
>with the 'Its not fair' nonsense.
>
>Whatever it takes!LOL! Good luck!
>
>Vaughn -- w/ three 15-yr old boys

Haha!! I do something similar - it's a line from Spongebob. "Funfair? I could use some fun!" Shuts them up every time. or at least they take it out of my hearing...same thing.

Kari S.

Mom to BBB 21, 18, 14
BBG 9/25/01

Great, mine are 6 and driving me batty. Its never going to get easier, that hard just changes, ugh. I think having separate activities seem to be what works for my kids, they just spend too much time together and get on each others nerves

BBG 6/21/06

Who knows if this will still work when mine are your age, but starting maybe 2 months ago I started being "happy to settle it for you".

- "Mom, she took my book!"
- "Oh, I'm happy to settle this for you. Give me the book."
- Put book on top of refrigerator.
- "MOM!"
- "I hate for you to have things that cause you to fight."

Etc. etc.

I settle any fight that they don't work out quickly. It is NEVER in a way that they prefer. If they are fighting over stuff, the stuff goes away. If they are touching/looking/irritating each other, BOTH of those kids need some quiet time to themselves. Usually, some amazingly fun activity magically appears for the other two at that point. (Making brownies or something.)

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

Not sure if if I could be any help. Our trips are 9 years old also. However, ours get along GREAT! They never fight and are very courteous to one another. They support each other and console one another. They are never jealous and insist that the others get more of the good stuff.

AND THEN I WAKE UP!

Your post, I am sorry to say, makes me feel GREAT! Because I know it is not just us! We just drove from from Warren, MI to Gatlinburg, TN then to Cleveland, TN then back to Warren, then up north to West Branch. It is a miracle that my kids were not left at a rest stop.

Terrible twos? How about the Nasty, Nitpicking, Neurotic nines????

Surviving husband to Tammie who passed in March of 2009.
Now married to Nina.
Father of Samantha Nicole, Kayla Shea , and Dominic Paul born on 10/14/02
Step-father to Kristina Nicole born on 09/24/85
Grandfather to Riley Faith born on 5/13/06
Come and see

There is hope. My kids quit fighting when my trio reached 5th grade. One day I just realized that all the fighting had stopped. They are very supportive of one another. Best of friends. They are not competitive with each other. Never have been.

If they fought or tattled, I just said, "Thanks for sharing", and let them handle the problem.

I honestly have not heard anything about fights since that day.

mom to:
Ryan 32 The Lawyer
Jason 30 The Chief Meteorologist
Chris 30 The College Student
Tim 30 The college grad

I love hearing their versions of their childhood memories!!

You have gotten great advice from the "veteran" parents.

Be strong. This is a phase and you have to nip it in the bud or life will be a challenge. Follow the advice given here - whatever they fighth over is gone "put it in timeout", let them work it out (away from you so you don't here the fighting), take away a privilege (if you fight over dessert, you don't get any). They won't like the punishment and the fighting will disappear quickly. You have to follow-thru every time!

We don't get a lot of fighting around here. Like another mom stated, you need to have them follow their own activities and not be together every second. It does make a difference!

I was just telling some friends last night that I think we did what we set out to do - our triplets are individuals and need to follow their passions. My dh and I are exhausted. We are constantly going in different directions because each boy is so different. They don't share a lot of activities. They have time apart. They have learned to appreciate their differences. If they weren't brothers, I don't know if they would be friends because their paths wouldn't cross. It's worked. They are unique people!

You will get through this stage too!

Sharon
15 year old bbb + 19 year old son

When they're little, you want them competitive (ie who can earn more marbles). When they're a little older, you need them on the same team. So, when one complains or tattles, both/all get the punishment regardless of who is deserving. When they complain about it not being fair, do not give in or argue back. Do not let them know that their whining and fighting is driving you nuts. Stick your iPod in your ears and dance around the living room if you have to. You'll get an especially good response if you start singing along to "It's My Party And I'll Cry of I Want To".

Have fun with it. Don't let them beat you

I disagree with pitting the kids against one another.

Competition between siblings only breeds resentment.

Mine were taught to encourage one another and help when necessary. Today they are kind young men willing to help anyone, including their siblings.

mom to:
Ryan 32 The Lawyer
Jason 30 The Chief Meteorologist
Chris 30 The College Student
Tim 30 The college grad

I love hearing their versions of their childhood memories!!

Kathy, I totally agree. There needs to be a "like" button for your post!

Sharon
15 year old b/b/b + 19 year old son

>Kathy, I totally agree. There needs to be a "like" button for
>your post!
>
>Sharon
>15 year old b/b/b + 19 year old son


LOL!!!

mom to:
Ryan 32 The Lawyer
Jason 30 The Chief Meteorologist
Chris 30 The College Student
Tim 30 The college grad

I love hearing their versions of their childhood memories!!

I agree with you too. Encouraging mild competition (ie. "Say, your sister just wrote her first initial...can you do that too"?) is useful. Pitting them against each other creates division. (ie. Who is the fastest, who is the neatest, who has the most etc.) This also will spill over into the natural competition among siblings for parental attention. Instead of learning to share your attention they will learn to compete for it. It is the ultimate prize. This can have all sorts of bad outcomes.

Encouraging that mindset, and then ignoring the aftermath by basically tuning out will make the unwanted outcomes all the more likely.

Susan

Parent to GGG born 31 weeks 4 days 4/26/07




http://www.thedivinemercy.org/message

  

I used the "I gave him more pasta because I love HIM more!!".

It actually worked and made them realize how stupid they sounded.

Good luck!

Kelly
Ben, Jack & Drew 05/28/02
Charlie 07/06/06
Aunt to: Liam, Aidan & Connor 03/05/08
www.outnumberedmommy.blogspot.com

Hi Ladies and Dad
I just want to comment that I read through this thread today - not sooner because my 4 year old GGG's don't really fight much - and was SO happy to see that some of the veteran moms are still posting.
I was sad when the big split up happened awhile back and so many people dropped off the forum. I was in the habit of checking indaily and looking through the posts and posting myself. I live in a foreign country and it made me feel a little more sane - LOL! I'll take any sanity I can get handling small children and being over 50!
love
Lana