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Heavensentme5 | Mon Jan-24-11 11:59 PM |
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1584 posts
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#752, "Feeling overwhelmed.......long"
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I am so overwhelmed here with 4 children needing me all the time. I have no down time and from the moment they get up in the morning,I am looking forward to naptime then bedtime. And both of those can be ordeals too. I have resorted to locking them all in their bedrooms and listening to them scream and cry (the Girls mostly)until they go to sleep. Otherwise, Abby keeps popping out of her bedroom, Robin follows on my heels,literally, until 11-12 at night! Or until I break down and say "just get in my bed and go to sleep." 99% of the time, the Girls sleep in my bed with me. Henry still sleeps in his bassinet next to me. He is 11 months old now. He's getting too big for the bassinet but I am afraid to put him in his room for 2 reasons. 1. I still have fears he will die in his sleep (I went thru this with McLean too but moved him to his crib at 5 months old.) 2. I am worried McLean will jumpo in the crib with Henry and hurt him accidentally. He has jumped into the crib before and jumped up and down with Henry in there. McLean weighs 32 pounds! Henry is only 18 1/2 pounds. I am considering moving the crib into my bedroom.
I can't afford babysitters-I use one when I am absolutely desperate. The kids like her and she brings her 4 year old son with her. Except he is an only child, not used to a group like mine and he hits them and last time he was here he got them all sick. My Mom is still recovering from her brain surgery and all the attending complications so I hesitate to ask her unless it's during naptime. Yesterday, I took the boys to Target (I wanted to buy b-day presents for the girls)so, I asked my parents to watch the Girls for 2 hours. They did it but it was obvious they really didn't want to.
X-Dh is such a huge jerk too. He only comes by once or twice a week to see the children and only for a few hours. Abby has completely regressed in her potty training. I had her completely day trained-even at naptime. She's now back in diapers. Everytime she talks to Daddy on the phone she says, "Daddy, I want you to live with me. I want you to come home. I want you to tuck me in." And she repeats it over and over.I just about cry when she does it. Last night when she said that to him, Robin said to her, "Daddy doesn't live here anymore Abby." It tears my heart out that my Girls aren't even 4 yet and this is their life now. McLean is 26 months and he is so aggressive and angry now. All I do all day is follow him around and clean up his messes. Today he spilled paint all over the kitchen table and floor. He opens the fridge and spills out gallons of milk, juice, water, eggs, etc. (My Dad is supposed to be getting me a metal lock with a padlock for the fridge.)He hits the cats, spills their food,empties out his dresser drawers, pulls all the clothes off the racks in the closet , it just goes on. Abby is just sad all the time. Robin always says to me, "Mommy, why are you yelling?" I feel like Henry gets ignored completely unless he needs a diaper change or food. All I do is yell at them, get frustrated, I'm mad,angry and unpleasant right now.
Robin asks me every night, "mommy are you going to leave me? " Or "Will you take care of me?" Once the divorce is final (X-DH and I even argued over whether it's 60 or 90 days)I will no longer have health insurance.I will have no way to pay my ADHD Dr.-he doesn't take medicaid and I don't know about my counselor. I can get my ADHD meds thru medicaid, I think but I can't just go to any Dr for them. Every time I go in, My Dr tinkers with the dosage-this one I'm on isn't working so well anymore and I am almost maxed out on the dosage.I cna't take adderall-which is what I want-b/c of Henry-he is still nursing. He's not ready to be weaned. He still doesn't know how to use a cup and he is unable to use a bottle. My lawyer is trying to get me more spousal support-in Texas there is no alimony unless you've been married more than 10 years. He's trying to claim special circumstances b/c of the children's health issues. X-DH's slimy lawyer is trying to push me to go to work. Where am I going to find childcare for 4 children, that's quality, affordable and has 4 openings? Not happening. Besides, again, Henry's health precludes any of them being in group care. I am trying desperatly to build up my business. I have been doing it for 2 years but X-DH has also spent the last 2 years sabotaging it. He badgered me until I dropped out of nursing school-he even had the crummy counselor we were seeing back then badger me too! I would be a nurse now and could be working if he hadn't. (I was going to work 2-3 nights a week-preferable weekends-so I could sleep while jerk was home to watch the children.) I've been over this and over this, even my family agrees-that Discovery Toys is the only thing I can be doing right now b/c I just can't go to a 9-5 job with my unique circumstances. My parents certainly cannot watch my children all the time and I won't let the X-in-laws anywhere near them. (They are idiots. They haven't even seen the children since early November!) They live 1/2 hour away and for the last 4 years they have never seen the children more than once a month, if even that much.They see their grandchildren in NC more! It's obvious they play favorites. They can do that all they like, I'd prefer they just get out of my children's lives all together.
I am going to talk with my DR at the next appointment about the insurance issue and see if we can work something out. He's been seeing me for almost a year now and he knows the situation. He has even seen the X-DH and evaluated him for ADD.
X-DH had the nerve to complain to me that he has no money b/c he has to pay so much in support to me and the children! Then he tells me I need to watch the children better (in regards to McLeans' destructiveness.)I really laid into him and told him off! How dare he?! He's got the life, he lives with his parents, goes to work, Mommy cooks,cleans and does his laundry for him ,he has computer access (high-speed, I believe) a new e-mail so he can play with his stupid e-bay and sports crap uninterrupted. He watches his precious hockey and football all night long and all he has to do is some yard work for his father. He comes and goes as he pleases-he went out on New Years to visit friends and stayed out all night! (He told me.) I can't even go and play Bunco with my girlfriends anymore without begging my parents and going into major guilt debt or financial debt by calling a sitter! I have a board meeting this week for MOMs (I'm the VP so I need to be there) and I know my parents will b*tch and moan but they will help me out. But I will feel guilty about it. I have an all day DT thing on SAturday so at least X-DH will watch the children then. I do 16-18 hour days every day raising my children and trying to fit in (rather unsuccessfully) a business. And I feel lousy about it b/c I know I need to be doing better in all areas but I just don't have the emotional/physical/spiritual energy to do it all right now. My DT thing is a huge goal setting day and I am doomed to failure before I even walk in the door at this point! (I can't even seem to combat the negative self-talk either.) Just going to the grocery store is a major undertaking these days b/c I have to schlep all of the children, and getting them all dressed and out the door is hugely stressful. Abby and Robin are on this big "I do it myself" kick so when I let them , they just dawdle. If I help them, they have HUGE tantrums. Then I start to yell at them. It can take up to an hour just to get all 4 dressed, never mind fed! We are all up between 7-8 am but still can't seem to get anywhere before 11! I am at the breaking point here. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading so far if you've made it this far in my depressing life here! 
Korrie~
^i^B/G/G 24 w 3d,1/17/00
B 10/31/01
B 1/27/03
<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src=" " alt="Lilypie Kids birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a>
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Replies to this topic
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Valerie3 | Sun Jan-04-04 12:44 PM |
Member since Nov 05th 2007
138 posts
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#753, "RE: Feeling overwhelmed.......long"
In response to Reply # 0
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Korrie,
I'm sorry, I have no advice for you, just wanted to say that in my opinion you are doing great considering the circumstances. Anyone would have a breakdown now and then with so many worries. It sounds like you are there for your children, doing all you can to help them adjust to a new situation. You only have two arms and with hardly any time left for yourself, of course you aren't your patient self. Who would be? So please don't be too hard on yourself.
Valerie
mom to Elinor, Estée, Alec
8/15/2002 @32 weeks
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steadman6pack | Sun Jan-04-04 01:03 PM |
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1384 posts
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#754, "RE: Feeling overwhelmed.......long"
In response to Reply # 0
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Oh Korrie, my heart goes out to you!!! Where abouts do you live... i have a MIL that i would loan to you. She loves kids and helps out greatly.
I have a suggestion, it may or may not work. What if your x-dh comes over around 5-6ish in the evenings to stay w/ the kids then you could go get a part-time job somewhere that way you'll get out of the house plus earn some extra $, it would take a little pressure off the Discovery Toys. You dd Abby will have her daddy there to tuck her in and you will have some time to yourself. Even if your x-dh comes over just 2 or 3 days a week, i think it would really benefit everyone?!!
I really don't know what else to say other than i think of you often and you are in my prays. Try to remember "this too shall pass". You have gone through sooo much in your life and someday your children will admire you for all you've done for them. Take care, Korrie
Beth
Dylan-8 
Tommy,Karli,Abby- 10/14/02 32w 2d
Beth
Dylan-12
Tommy,Karli,Abby- 5yrs. 32w 2d
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TylersMom | Sun Jan-04-04 01:06 PM |
Member since Nov 05th 2007
386 posts
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#756, "RE: Feeling overwhelmed.......long"
In response to Reply # 0
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Korrie, I am sooo sorry for what you are going through! I can't imagine and I think you are doing great, too,considering all you have to deal with. I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom for you, but all I can do is pray for you and I will do that!
Sonya, Mom to:
Tyler 8-15-01
Amanda 5-23-03
Leah 5-23-03
Trevor 5-23-03
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mw | Sun Jan-04-04 01:30 PM |
Member since Jul 18th 2005
4285 posts
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#757, "RE: Feeling overwhelmed.......long"
In response to Reply # 0
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(((((Korrie)))))
Wow! Big hugs to you today.
I don't have much to offer but a couple of thoughts. Abby and Rachel are about to turn 4. Are they in a preschool program yet? I know that Colorado has a program to which you can apply for free preschool. I guess I'd check that out first.
Do you have a MOPS group there? I haven't gone yet but have been invited to a MOPS group a couple of friends belong to. The ladies meet for 2-3 hours. The cost is $7 and this COVERS the babysitting for all of your kids. I know this is a kind of frivolous activity but to have 2-3 hours of adult socializaion for $7 - they usually have a speaker and do a craft (my friend says the speakers have been great). Again, I know that your life stresses right now wouldn't be fixed by something like this buy it might help your sanity.
I'm going to keep thinking and may email you privately, if that's ok. I have a cousin (I've mentioned before) that is a pediatric OT in Corpus (I think you said you're in TX) and she may be familiar with some assitance programs available.
I know it's far easier said than done but hopefully you can get the girls into their own beds soon so you can have some peace in bed. Do you have a portable crib you could keep in your BR for Henry? That would be smaller than a crib but bigger than the bassinet.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, glad you're getting counseling (hope it helps somewhat). I think I mentioned before but I'm not sure, do you have any older, elementary school kids on your street? I've been using an 11 year old as a Mother's Helper recently and she's great and it doesn't cost me nearly as much as a sitter would. Also, could you check with your local Middle School home ec teacher. I have a neighbor who teaches home ec and I think she'd give extra credit to a student that was willing to help a mom in your situation...just a thought.
I so wish I could help out Korrie.
Marie
Marie
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wilds | Sun Jan-04-04 02:42 PM |
Member since Jul 18th 2005
3017 posts
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#761, "RE: Feeling overwhelmed.......long"
In response to Reply # 0
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I'm sorry everything is so overwhelming and exhausting for you right now  . You have received some good suggestions so far, and hopefully I can add a few more. I like the dad coming over after work idea, and giving you a break (not even necessarily working, but just getting out alone ! maybe to do something decadent like grocery shopping ?) is there any way to make that happen ? I don't know what programs are available in Texas, but in Colorado, as Marie already mentioned, there is free preschool (you would meet the criteria here) and there are several other programs here that could help you. There is a respit care program that pays for a sitter a few hrs a week and you would qualify for that too. We were able to do that for @ a month, and then were not eligible any more- we found out too late. Your son has Down's syndrome right ? Do you belong to any associations for parent's of kids w/ Down's syndrome ? Do they have any resources available to you ?
As far as your meds for ADHD can you ask your family doc/new family doc to prescribe them for you ? If you have your records transfered that would help them know what to prescribe right ? What I have heard from my son'r drs is that ther is no too high/ too low dosage just the right amount for you right ?
I like the mothers helper idea too. I have a friend who pays her 11 year old neighbor $3 an hr to just hang out with her kids, and she can get stuff done around the house that way.
There was a Discovery Toys rep who sold tons of stuff at our kids' preschool (for kids w/ special needs), 2 out of three kids were free for us-the criteria was not based on income, just needs. The school had a fund to help people who couldn't affords the school either.
The DT rep seemed to be doing very well with her business. She set up lots of demonstrations in school/preschool lobbies and donated the 'bonus toys' (I think that's what they are called ?) to the schools.
Do you belong to a church ? You might want to ask around to see if there is one any of your friends enjoy, if you don't attend one now, and at least you could get a break w/ the kids in Sunday school and you would get a much needed spiritual lift
Do you want to move to Colorado ? There are a lot of programs here you could benefit from.
The only other thing I can think of is asking your parents, if they are able to , and you have room in your home, to help you get an au pair. We looked into it a while back, and it was $4,000 for the initial fee and then @150.00 a month for the au pair. My aunt was gracious enough to give us the $4,000, but we needed it to pay medical bills (we had to pay $300,000 out of pocket for infertility and DS)
Maybe another mom would be willing to trade some babysitting time for some toys ? Maybe another mom would be willing to trade cleaning/errands etc.. work for some toys ? Maybe another mom in your local multiples club would be willing to trade her time for toys ?
That's all I can think of for now. This is what has worked for me when I have been overwhelmed, and feeling like I will completely lose it. I have given over all my troubles, prayed for some peace and the ability to be receptive to what answers might be out there, something always worked out 'just in the nick of time'. An example is when my kids needed a $50.00+ a day rx formula and one son needed some very expensive equipment/treatments/supplements not covered by insurance, I was literally completely out of money and credit and didn't know how I was going to feed my kids . I called a friend of mine (our GI drs former nurse), and she gave me the name of the neocate formula rep. I left the rep a message, and prayed I could somehow find an answer. She called me back later that day, and she ended up living in our neighborhood ! She brought over a case of 'about to expire in 2 months' formula. I had been told by all the customer service reps at her company that reps DO NOT ever give out samples. She ended up becoming a friend and I referred her to my infertility doctor,and felt like I 'returned the favor'.
I hope you have had time to read my long response, and that you feel comfort in knowing that if you have faith, and try to turn your troubles over, an answer will come to you.
Lorraine
Lorraine
Reach for the heart of God and not just His hands.
Organ donation saves lives!
Life happens when love is given.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/bradenwild
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julieheart | Sun Jan-04-04 02:51 PM |
Member since Nov 05th 2007
56 posts
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#762, "RE: Feeling overwhelmed.......long"
In response to Reply # 0
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Hi Korrie,
I don't really have any advice to offer, I've never been in your situation. I can't imagine how rough it is raising kids without any support.
Have you thought about maybe contacting a church in your area? There is usually some sort of benevolence program and maybe they could be of service to you. One thing is for sure, spiritual health is key in strengthening all areas of life.
My thoughts and prayers are with you,
julie
___________________________
1st IVF with ICSI - success, BBB triplets
32 weeks, 2 days - February 23, 2004
Truitt Curtis - 3lbs. 15 oz.
Porter Thomas - 3 lbs. 14 oz.
Jonas Taylor - 2 lbs. 8 0z.
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momSandy | Sun Jan-04-04 04:30 PM |
Member since Nov 05th 2007
421 posts
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#763, "RE: Feeling overwhelmed.......long"
In response to Reply # 0
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Korrie,
I don't usually post much, but I'm a pretty dedicated lurker. I've been following your posts for what seems like forever and while I don't have much advice to offer, I just wanted to let you know that there are lots of people thinking, caring and praying about you right now (I know I'm not the only lurker). I wish I lived close by to give you a reprieve . . . or at least a girls' night out!
Lots of hugs,
Sandy.
adoptive/foster mom to "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" +2
Nicki (16)
D (8)
T (7)
C (5)
Gage (4)
D (4)
Trevor (3)
Seth (3)
Ty (3)
A (3)
Sandy.
adoptive mom to "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"
Nicki (17)
Keegan (9)
Luke (9)
Chase (6)
Gage (6)
T.J. (5)
Seth (5)
Ty (5)
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sweetboyz | Sun Jan-04-04 05:18 PM |
Member since Nov 05th 2007
644 posts
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#765, "RE: Feeling overwhelmed.......long"
In response to Reply # 0
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Korrie - I too am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. I do not have much to add - there are lots of great ideas from other posters and I hope you can try at least some of them. The thing that is the hardest and most destructive is your self depracating thoughts! You are in an incredible situation and are being tested in every possible way - give yourself some credit for surviving each day and try to think of whatever positive you can - (ie- 'one time when Abby wanted to "do it herself", I was very patient and waited while she did it and even told her I was proud'). Even if the rest of the day you yelled, if you remember the one time you did what you wish you could always do (don't we all?), you are more likely to have the strength to do it again! You have so little time/energy to take care of YOU - at least you can work on taking care of yourself in your mind - remind yourself "you are a loving mother", "you kept the kids safe today", "you are doing your bestto balance a whole lot".....You get the idea - I will stop rambling now! I am thinking of you and praying you can feel some peace.
Suzanne
Proud mommy to Seamus, Brendan and Casey 4/17/00
Suzanne
Proud mommy to Seamus, Brendan and Casey 4/17/00
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melissa | Sun Jan-04-04 05:35 PM |
Member since Nov 05th 2007
139 posts
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#768, "RE: Feeling overwhelmed.......long"
In response to Reply # 0
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Korrie,
I'm sorry that you are having such a stressful time.
My only suggestion would be to look into an EI preschool for the kids. In Ohio, they take kids that are eligible for medical reasons and for envirnmental reasons.
Do you like in Dallas county? Do you have realtionship with anyone in EI? Henry would qualify -- even if that gave you a couple of hours with one less child that might help.
Do you have any family that could help?
My thoughts are with you.
Melissa
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Mommy X3 | Sun Jan-04-04 07:33 PM |
Member since Nov 05th 2007
9 posts
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#769, "RE: Feeling overwhelmed.......long"
In response to Reply # 0
Sun Jan-04-04 07:45 PM
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(((Korrie))) I have another idea to throw in. I don't know about Texas, but in many states high school students have to serve a number of volunteer hours to get school credits to graduate. These kids fill their service hours helping others in need (like volunteering to work in hospitals or work with the elderly, etc.) I think helping out in a circumstance like yours could qualify (like a respite help). Can any teachers in Texas answer this question?
If that is not a public school requirement, maybe you could check with private religious schools. I think that kids in Catholic school working on their confirmation requirements probably have to fill some volunteer service hours. They are usually volunteering in soup kitchens and things like that. I am sure there are a lot of high school girls that would enjoy spending that volunteer time with your little ones.
Hopefully, you will get some good ideas from this thread. Some time alone for you will help give a fresh perspective to the challenges you are facing. BTW, one of my favorite things to do when my kids were younger and I had an hour to slip away was to head to the library. I'd take a stack of magazines to a private chair and think I was in heaven just to have a few moments of uninterrupted peace. Best of all, it was free.
(Hugs) Mx3 (Mommy to BBG six-years-old)
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morethemerrier | Sun Jan-04-04 09:27 PM |
Member since Nov 05th 2007
2278 posts
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#770, "RE: Feeling overwhelmed.......long"
In response to Reply # 0
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Korrie, all I can say is that you are a tough cookie and you WILL MAKE IT.
You've gotten a few really good suggestions so far, but I have few more...
As for mornings... Is there anyway that you can get the boys up and fed and dressed BEFORE the girls get up or vice versa? Also, how about implementing a timer and offering them choices and a time limit.... Which of these TWO outfits do you want to wear and if you aren't finished dressing yourself by the time the timer goes off Mommy has to help you get dressed. If you throw a tantrum, then you will just go as you are.... And you could offer a reward for "beating the timer".
The timer could be used as a self motivational tool for you as well, to help you stay on task.
Do you live near any colleges? You could trade room and board for child care evenings and weekends. If not child care, then housework?
Good luck Korrie. But I know that a few years from now you will have beat this situation.
MTM - mom to Michael(84),Stephan(85), Thomas, Matthew and Kathryn - born 12/27/99 at 32w 0 days
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meli | Sun Jan-04-04 09:33 PM |
Member since Jul 18th 2005
408 posts
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#771, "RE: Feeling overwhelmed.......long"
In response to Reply # 0
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Korrie,
I noticed that you live in Texas. I do also. I live in Houston and know of a lot of places you can get help. I am not sure where you live but I know most churches have a Mother's Day Out program. A lot of them offer discounts for multiple family members. i know a lot of them offer financial assistance. I would reach out to the churches in your area. It is amazing what prayers and great christians can do. Most churches in big cities have some type of support groups. I know that a lot of teens are looking for service hours and could maybe help around the house or babysit. You have a very tough load and I highly reccommend starting at the churches. Don't worry if you don't go to church or don't go to that church, a lot of churches reach out to the public and want to help. Korrie, I will pray for you daily and am a strong believer that the good Lord doesn't give you anything you can't handle. YOU CAN DO THIS AND IT WILL GET BETTER!
I would demand X to pay for childcare help. Next, I think that X needs to watch the children for one weekend and give yourself a break. You need to reguvinate yourself. Best of luck and please keep me posted. mlavoy@houston.rr.com
Meli
Meli
Elijah-4yrs. old
Spontaneous BBB triplets born at 34.3 weeks 6-8-04
Adam- 5lbs 11 oz. 18.5 inches
Ryan- 4lbs 6 oz. 17.75 inches
Joshua- 5lbs 17 inches
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KIM4BRAD | Mon Jan-05-04 07:17 AM |
Member since Nov 05th 2007
461 posts
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#776, "RE: Feeling overwhelmed.......long"
In response to Reply # 0
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Korrie,
I don't have any advice to offer but I just wanted you to know you have friends here! DH is a bit of help, though pretty helpless, and other than that I only have me for my three, none with special needs. I think you are super woman! I pray everything works out for you!
Kim, Mom to
Logan Kenneth "I wish I were an only child"
Erin Louise "I love my brothers!"
Connor Andrew "I've gotta keep moving"
12/12/02 33w5d
Kim, Mom to
Logan Kenneth - Our future bull rider
Erin Louise -Our future ballerina/cowgirl
Connor Andrew - Our future artist
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budgbug | Mon Aug-27-07 01:14 PM |
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#774, "Deleted message"
In response to Reply # 0
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