sorry to vent here, and i'm probably just feeling a little over sensitive right now...
but we are starting to tell more people about Charles' diagnosis (autism) to family and those who spend significant time with him (or me). Literally everyone who I have told has said "oh, I'm so sorry!" I know what they mean, and I know they are just trying to show empathy or say they feel bad for me, but I'm getting sick of it! I don't want people to feel sorry for me because my child has autism. Maybe if they said "i'm sorry you have to deal with that stress" or "that must be difficult right now" or something, but the words "i'm so sorry" are getting annoying.

How do you respond when people say they are "sorry" for the condition of your child?

Meg

That's a good question. Our situations are a little different because we are not dealing with the same issues, but I sypathize with your frustration. I have usually said some variation of " we feel very blessed with all of our children and the extra challenges just remind us of how truly fortunate we are" it sometimes help people to undestand that we truly appreciate our children for exactly who God made them to be. Sometimes they just look at you like what are you talking about !? and they will probably never get it.

Lorraine

Reach for the heart of God and not just His hands.
Organ donation saves lives!
Life happens when love is given.


http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/bradenwild

Meg..why don't you say "don't be sorry", we are trying to be hopeful he gets the services he needs to lead typical childhood. Tell them were not sorry but it is stressful.

Hang in there,

Danielle
Easton, Blake & Hunter
1-24-99

Meg, I know how you feel. My DH and I have discussed this, and there's really no right way to answer the person, because I truly believe that it is the situation where they are sorry that this happened to our boys or us. Sometimes I'll just say nothing, sometimes I'll say "yeah, I am sorry too!" (for my children). Even though you suspected this diagnosis for Charles, there is still a period of letting it all sink in. I know I would cry at the drop of a hat, just not knowing what the cards held for my boys.

Yesterday, my daughter's primary nurse from the NICU called to see if she could pass my name onto another triplet mom. She casually asked how things were and I told her about the boys. She didn't know what to say. My standard response now is that we now have a different path than what we envisioned, but we'll get there just the same. And like Danielle said, just tell them that you now will be able to get the appropriate interventions to help Charles.

BTW, I know I tended to email many of my friends with the news. It was easier for me, because I found everytime I said it outloud in the beginning, I'd cry. I was very honest, telling my friends how my heart was aching for my children, and I found out that I have some of the best, supportive friends I could ever wish for.


Krista
Michael, Katherine & Daniel
7/25/01

Krista
b/g/b
July 2001