Hi this is my first post on this forum. One of my BBB was diagnosed with autism on Sept.10. My other two BB are identical. They are becoming very close. I am thrilled to see this. It is how I always imagined it would be except I thought it would be the threee of them together. How do you cope with this. It is breaking my heart. I want so much for my other DS to join in with them. It is like they have moved on without him. How have others delt with this? Thanks

Mom to:
B 9/15/93
G 8/1/95
BBB 1/22/05

I felt the same way--still do sometimes. My trips are GBG and my son has been dx'd with PDD-NOS. He also has apraxia and is nonverbal. Last year was tough. My girls are very close and are almost always playing together. Early Intervention helped but he was still so far behind. He would watch them and laugh but wouldn't join them. I started looking into websites like tacanow.com and learning everything I could on ways to help my son. We were already on fish oil but we added some others and went GFCF. What a difference! He is a different kid and has come farther than I ever would have thought in such a short time. He is picking up new signs all the time and even though he can't talk, he will take another kid or adult by the hand and show them what he wants or that he wants to play with them. There are days that I swear if he could talk, he would be just about where my girls are. And they see the difference and they all do play together now. Not all the time, but a fair amount. I am still pretty new at this but I would suggest calling the Early Intervention program in your state if you haven't done that yet. And go to the tacanow.com website and see what you can do to help your son. There will always be tough days but there will be better ones too.

Kristin

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oh boy. i wish i could tell you how i deal with it, but really i don't! its so hard, and my kids are 5. for SO long i have used the term "the other two" and i HATE that, but it just comes out. It is very hard, even now, and even though charles is doing so great--he is still on a different track than the other two (see! there i go ) they are leaps and bounds ahead of him in maturity, development, etc. and, you know he probably always will be different from them, but i think reality is that those two won't always be doing the same things either. as they grow they will get older and change differently and have their own friends, etc. BUT--they will always be together and they will always have eachother--all three of them! I am so grateful for the examples my two are to charles. since they were 2, they have been showing charles how to act, talk, play, etc. Just the other day in the car my other son was singing along to the song and he said, "see mom? we're teaching charles how to sing it too!" It is nice that they are at an age now that they can understand that he needs help sometimes and they are sensitive about it.

hang in there, i wish i had advice, but i don't. i just wnated you to know that i know EXACTLY what you mean, and it is hard for me too. I have a younger child also who is almost two. i often refer to her and charles as my "two babies" since they are always in the stroller together, and are often on the same page while the other two are doing their thing. It is especially hard when the other two go through a "growth spurt" in maturity and development because that gap between them and their brother seems much greater. but i know it is ok because he has playmates, as different as they may be from him and he loves them so much and they love him, and that makes it a *little* easier!

Meg

Meg,

I know what you mean about referring to your two youngest as your babies. My six year old even asked me last year if my son was younger than the girls. And they even seem to treat him as a younger sibling sometimes. (And I know I do sometimes too and I try not to.) I was thinking about how to respond to your other post and I think you are doing great. I don't know how I will handle it when they ask why their brother is different. But I think saying he has a hard time sometimes (don't remember your exact wording) is a perfect explanation. If they want more details, I will give it. But as you said, I am sure they will know long before I tell them just from hearing conversations around the house. And it sounds like your son is doing great! i think it is so cute that his brothers are teaching him too! How wonderful toknow they are looking out for him!

Kristin

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I say "the other two" all the time and I do feel bad about it, but it is what it is! My DS did not play with "the other two" at all, but now he plays with them about 70% of the time I think. It will get better the better he gets! It is heart breaking, but he will be there one day! We did ABA which helped Kyle a lot, and I think being with the other two actually helped his social skills.

Hang in there, it will get better because he will grow and mature and "catch up" in his own way.

Don't fret about it, your kids are very young. That happened to my autistic son. He is coming full swing and initiating the play now. The other two understand their brother is different and and look out for him since he is non verbal. Give it time. They will all come around and surprise you.

Hi,

I have a friend with a singleton son 4 years old with mild autism/Asperger's. By chance I reached this forum.

I have recently read a well-written and interesting autobiography by Daniel Tammet, not a triplet, but who is autistic and also savent in remembering long strings of numbers. Perhaps it would be of interest to some parents to read the experiences of a young autistic person. The title is, <Born on a Blue Day - a Memoir,>published by Free Press, a division of Simon adn Shuster, 2007. The author was born January 31, 1979.

Tali

I have 3 1/2 BBG Triplets. The Oldest boy Triplet has PDD-NOS.

I'd say my issues aren't quite jealousy over Doug's therapists, because they always include all the other children - but the two typical triplets over-react at his behavior!

They don't have any patience or tolerance for his toy stealing, his loud cries to complain, his inability to take turns (Like they're good turn takers either! LOL).

We've had his therapists talk to the two typical kids about being kind to Doug, being patient, etc. They wrote a social story for Eric and Gillian to read about playing nicely with Doug, and including him in their games.

He is starting to engage them more and more - and especially Gillian will loudly shut him down! Yelling - no Doug, don't bother me! This type of over-reaction now gets her a time out. She's allowed to say, "don't touch me", or "back-up please" but no yelling in his face.

I know the heartbreak! I've heard both Eric and Gillian say "no, Doug's not my brother" or "no, I don't love him". It's very hard! I work every day to invent situations where they have to cooperate.

Doug's therapists have been wonderful! It's crucial to Doug's progress that they begin to include him. His OT will bring games and only let Eric and Gillian play if they cooperate nicely with Doug. That's a huge incentive! His ABA therapists always make sure to fawn over Eric and Gillian if they're "caught" being nice to Doug.

It's getting better - but it's a daily struggle!
-Kelly.

Katrina 8/26/97
Doug, Gillian and Eric 6/1/04 at 36w2d

I know it is very hard. I also have BBB and they are seven years old. One of mine has the Aspergers traits...has problems with social skills, and has obsessions. He now plays alot more with his brothers (although the other two are still closer), but we have other issues. The biggest is playdates...my other two get invited to playdates all of the time, but Danny never does. It is very heartbreaking. However, when playdates are at my house I invite a few kids at a time, so he doesn't feel left out.

The GOOD news is in our cases, is that our boys are triplets. How wonderful that they have their brothers their same age who can model typical behavior. In that regard they are very lucky! Also, when we have playdates at our house, I usually invite a few kids at a time, so there are enough friends around for everyone. I think if they were a singleton vs a triplet, things would be harder. So do all you can to help him, but be at peace knowing he will always have his brothers.