I have BBG and up until now, they have been amazingly well behaved children. I am having a problem with my oldest DS (tristan) though, and was hoping to get some insight and suggestions on how I should deal with this.

Tristan has turned into a regular old bully. He steals toys, hits, screams at his brother and sister, spits in their face, bites and will NOT listen to me anymore. DH and I have tried timeouts, spankings (we've been spanking for about 6 months now so this isn't new), sending him to bed early, going without a meal if he throws it on the floor.... NOTHING works.

It use to be that when I would tell him "no" or "stop" he would listen and not do it. Now he completely ignores me and my DH and continues on with his bad behavior. I can't even step out of a room for 2 minutes because I hear screaming and sure enough, he's taken both of their toys and is biting one of them or hitting them over the head with something.

He's become quite onry with his verbals as well. Almost everyting I ask him, he responds "NO" to. and it isn't a soft "no", it's a screaming or yelling at me NO.

Tomorrow I am going to talk to daycare to see if they've noticed a change in him or if it's just at home.

My mom suggested I take some time and just pay attention to Tristan. Have a "tristan day" or something. I have that planned for next Tuesday, the other 2 are going to daycare and he and I are going to go out to breakfast, go to the park, maybe even go to a movie (I know we'll likely only get through a bit of it), but I cna't get time off until next week.

Does anyone have suggestions of WHY this behavior might be presenting itself, or what I can do to try and correct it?

Thank you

Julie
Single mom to

Tristan Declan 4lbs 3oz
Cassandra Madison 4lbs 7oz
Ryland Markus 4lbs 2oz
Born on 9/5/06 at 32 weeks 4 days

www.our3.blogspot.com

My Makenna is our little bully. She can be crazy mean when she wants too. Well, when Early Intervention was doing the intake on Alyssa for speech, Makenna had one of her major meltdowns for the therapist and she immedately suggested we have her evaluated for sensory issues. She qualified with flying colors. We start therapy on Thursday, so I don't know if it will help, but one of her written goals is being able to control her outbursts and dealing with frustration in a more controlled manner (whatever that means for a two year old. LOL!) If I get any new ideas from them, I'll try to remember to pass them along to you.

One of the things that I have found that really works with her is that when she does something bad I first isolate her and then when she is done with her timeout. I turn her around, get down on her level, hold her face so that she has to look at me, she has to tell me either sorry momma or yes momma, to whatever she did wrong. I'll tell her we aren't gonna hit sissy anymore, right? and she will have to acknowledge me. Sometimes, I just get a head nod, but that okay. It doesn't work everytime, heck not even really half the time, but at least she is calming down easier that leaving her in time out until she quits crying, which can be an hour long ordeal.
Here's hoping I learn more soon.

Kimberly,
Mom to Isabelle, Alyssa, and Makenna
www.guinntrips.com

We also have an alpha male as we call him...It started around age two and is finally getting better! I was getting embarrassed to take him places because he started scratching other kids! gggrrrrr

What turned the corner - when he is bad he can't play with the other kids. I let him choose time out or go play in the other room alone. If we are out and he is naughty then he has to sit with me and can't play at the park (that worked wonderfully and seemed to turn a corner on the whole thing). I made him apologize to whoever he was rough with and give back the whatever he stole. The scratching was the worst! and I am so tired of tending to the other kids wounds but he has pretty much stopped that.

I also enrolled them in a mommy separation class - and they have brought in another teacher to follow Tom around and teach him to not touch other kids. I thought of one on one time too but that to me is a reward for bad behaviour....this is a tough call for sure.

Good luck - I know it will pass but it is a long ugly road for sure.

My boys are just a few months younger than yours, and I have had the same problem with Gavin. He earned himself the nickname Gavinator b/c, like Tristan, he is just a bully in general. He had been acting like this for a couple of months. I felt like I had tried everything, too...huge positive praise when he did something good, time-outs, spankings...to no avail.

One day a couple of weeks ago, it finally dawned on me that maybe he needs more one-on-one time with me. Lo and behold, that was precisely the problem. Almost immediately, a lot of the negative behavior has subsided. He is sharing more, tries to comfort his brothers sometimes if they are upset, and hitting and bullying A LOT less. Overall, he is much more pleasant to be around.

I feel awful that it took me two freaking months to figure out he just needed more attention and love than what I was giving him.

HTH

Jenny
single mom to spontaneous BBB 34w 2d

http://lilypie.com>

Thanks for the feedback. I will see if the one on one is what he needs.

Julie
Single mom to

Tristan Declan 4lbs 3oz
Cassandra Madison 4lbs 7oz
Ryland Markus 4lbs 2oz
Born on 9/5/06 at 32 weeks 4 days

www.our3.blogspot.com