I think I posted about this same thing 2 years ago either here or my local multiples group but it is STILL a problem....

My GGG are 5 now and still don't want anyone else to help them with anything if I am around. If I'm not around they're fine with someone else, but if I am there then their dad or grandparents aren't "allowed" to help with anything - for ex. putting on/taking off their seatbelts, fixing a toy, pouring them a drink, even handing them a tissue! 95% of the time I am alone with them and I do all those things for them. But when Daddy is home or grandparents are visiting for the afternoon, it would be nice to let someone else do something for them. If I leave and go out shopping then they are fine to let them help but as soon as I come home they are demanding it be me. I thought it was a phase that would pass, but it hasn't. Two of the girls (the ones that do it the most) have some anxiety and OCD issues. They need to have things done just the right way or else they get all upset. I don't know if this is part of all that or just a stubborn refusal of help from everybody but Mommy. I have tried not giving in for at least the silly things like handing them a tissue, but usually give in on the seatbelts because I don't want to be stuck in the car for a long ride with screaming, crying kids because I forced them to let someone else help do the seatbelts. We visited my parents today and I think my dad was actually offended that the girls wouldn't let him help. He sounded angry and said "You're acting like a baby!". They are definitely attached to me but don't have problems separating for swimming lessons, gymnastics, etc. They just prefer me to be the one to help them if I'm there when they need help. To me, it's not the biggest of our worries so I have just tried encouraging them to let someone else help and praised them alot when they allow someone else to do something. But will it ever end?? It's bothering me more now that I know it bothers the grandparents and my DH.

Ann Marie

Mommy to Anna Lee, Julia Rose, Grace Mara
Born 7/6/03 @ 27 weeks, 6 days

OH NO! I was hoping my 3 would out grow this soon. When I am here they will not let anyone but me do anything for them. DH is starting to get used to it now, but it bothered him for a while. A few nights ago I went to bed early (YEA), about 9 DH woke me up to go cover the boys up because they would not let him do it. I could hear them "Mommy do it!" The boys are worse about this than DD. If you find something that works let me know!
Melissa

Melissa
mom to Abbie, Andy & Levi
November 11, 2005
34 weeks 5 days

http://benefieldtriplets.blogspot.com/

""

The only thing that I know that helps me is when they ask for a tissue, I'm like, "You can get your own tissue. There's the box. Help yourself and throw it out when your done."

Same with the seatbelts. They can get them on now, so I'm not enabling them to feign the inability to do anything for themselves. I will flat out refuse to do it, because they know how. Same with getting a drink. They know where the glasses are and how to get water, so I am not their slave.

I would give them the choice. Either do it yourself or let someone else do it!!!! That works for us most of the time. Not always, but quite a bit.

Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

I have to agree with Michelle. It's the same in our house. If you can do it for yourself then have at it. LOL My girls are 5 and they get their own drinks(juice box or water). They buckle their own seatbelts and anything else they can do. I would suggest having them do for themselves what they can or allow daddy or g-parents to help. They will often help each other.

Audrey
SAHM
GGG"s 5-9-2003 (34weeks)

yes to what michelle and audrey said.

if my kids had their way, they'd still be standing spread eagled and i'd be wiping their bottoms every time they did a poopers! no thank you.

another suggestion is i will say, "all right, sela, you button up the back of carys' dress, carys, you help jasper, and jasper, you get to button up sela." let them see they can help each other.

you can also appoint one of them the day's "special helper". each day one of my kids is the special helper and is in charge of misc tasks, basically doing what i assign. at the end of the day, he/she gets a sticker on the chart and to choose the book for reading. carrying the laundry to the laundry room after bathtime, etc, lets them realise they are able to do quite a bit on their own, and is good ammunition when they come whinging that they need mummy to do something for htem.

tess
mummy to 6yr old ds & the triumverate born 2004

"the days are slow but the years fly by quickly"

I haven't really experienced this yet, so I'm hoping it's not a stage I HAVE to go through. I'm tired enough as it is... sorry I can't be of any help.

Would it make you feel any better if I told you I'm the only one in our house the girls feel the need to take by the hand, lead to the bathroom and showcase the latest turd before flushing it? Does that help?

Loren
GGG Jan.2005 @ 28wks

Sweetened Taters - http://sweetenedtaters.blogspot.com

My boys are five and we still enjoy this nonsense. I have one son that will absolutely refuse to let my husband to anything for him if I am home.

With both boys we have had to go the same route as Michelle. If they can do something themselves we make them do it. If they don't put their shoes on (we tie them but they have to get them and put them on their feet) they don't go out. If they can't get dressed, they can't go out or play, etc. It was quite the struggle at first but now they get it. You want a tissue, go get it. For Charlie, who only wants me to do things for him, I have to tell him that I can't do everything - so he either needs to do whatever it is he wants himself or let his dad help him. His other choice is not getting what he wants (drink, go out, whatever..). Sometimes he chooses not to get what he wants and thats ok too (then I realize he is probably just looking for attention from me - so I find a way to give him a little extra TLC during the day.

http://www.brianandcharlie.com/blog
^Alexandra^, Brian, Charlie 07/28/2003
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I had to go cold turkey on that and be firm. There are 8 people in this house - often 10, when my parents are here - there is no reason they need ME to be the one to always help. I told them to go ask someone else. If they asked who, I made them decide. If they cried or threw a fit over it, they went to their room. If they have fits in the car, they get some kind of privilege taken away as soon as possible. I do not mind at all if they cry, but if they do cry they have to do it in private, and if they cry they WILL NOT get what they're wanting. 100% of the time. Whining and crying DOES NOT give them their way, and mostly they find it gets them the opposite.

At age 7 I still have to remind them that there are other people in the house that can help them. It's not that I mind, but they want me to drop everything to cater to them, and I am neither willing nor able to do that. At age 5 yours are certainly old enough to tell them how it's going to be -- the key is to be firm, because they WILL push you, and every time you give in you make them willing to push harder the next time. They're still doing it because you're letting them, and at this point I doubt it will stop unless you make it stop. And 5 is old enough that if it's going to bother them to have things not done a certain way, they can do it themselves if it's that big a deal.

Kari S.

Mom to BBB 21, 18, 14
BBG 9/25/01