One of my dd's struggles with her shyness. She has come around to her preschool teachers and has begun playing just last week with one of her classmates. Otherwise she plays only with her brother and sister in class. She has yet to speak to the lunch lady that asks her daily if she wants white or chocolate milk. She is comfortable with close family but not much with extended family and definitely not anyone she doesn't know.

Both DH and I were very, very shy growing up. It was painful at times. Literally, my stomach would hurt, headaches. I think it is a self confidence issue. I am completely different now. Nothing like being a MOM to make you learn to speak up and be confident in your accomplishments!!

Anyway, I am wondering if anyone has any suggestions for me to help her other than praise and reassurance for her. Anything like role play situations?? I know her shyness is just a part of who she is, but I don't want her to feel the pain like I did.

Shiloh--Proud Mom to:
BGG born 2/04
B born 7/06

>Both DH and I were very, very shy growing up. It was painful
>at times. Literally, my stomach would hurt, headaches. I
>think it is a self confidence issue. I am completely
>different now. Nothing like being a MOM to make you learn to
>speak up and be confident in your accomplishments!!


That's me exactly! People who know me now are always disbelieving when I say that I used to be painfully shy.

Encouragement never really helped me. At some point my mom changed tactics and the new one was much more effective. Your DD isn't old enough for this yet, but my mom used to talk to me about it all the time. She began explaining how being shy was selfish. It meant that I was thinking of myself and my own feelings rather than others. How did I think it made someone feel when they asked me a question and I wouldn't answer? Did it make them feel like I didn't like them? Did it hurt their feelings? Did I like it when I spoke to someone and they wouldn't look at me or answer? Etc. Etc.

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

Do you remember what age you were when your mother started those discussions with you? It is sooo good to hear from someone that was shy and remembers discussions that actually helped.

I try to encourage and support at every turn I can. But I do agree that doesn't seem to make an impact or influence on her either way. Hopefully it does on her little inside!

Shiloh--Proud Mom to:
BGG born 2/04
B born 7/06

Gosh, I have no idea. I remember when the conversations changed, and my earliest memories are like 1st grade, so it had to have been after that. Sorry - that isn't very helpful, is it?

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06

I have a daughter that is very, very shy. Really hers runs into a feeling of inadequacy. She is sure she will be wrong so prefers to not try.

It was a real problem when she was younger-
refused to hold the flag for the Pledge (too many people looking at her),
wouldn't speak in kindergarden and refused to write (bad enough to say the wrong thing but if you wrote it everyone could see),
would only swim backstroke (didn't have to see the people looking at her on the stating block (she is a fabulous backstroker now!)

I spole to several teachers and the school counselor about ways we could help.
All said the same, she needs to gain confidence. Two of the ways we did that was swimming (less pressure than other sports because you are always racing against your won time) and horsebackriding (imagine the power of controling a 1000 pound animal)

Both helped tho' I think the greatest was a game the counselor played with her a few times. It focused on "what happens" if you mess up.

I'll have you know that tho' Rose is still shy with adults she is very outgoing with friends. She even became a cheerleader last year without either of her sisters.


Judie and Victor
lucky parents to
Frankie 3/95
Maggie 7/96
Rose 7/96
Elizabeth 7/96

Thanks for your suggestions! I have spoke with her teacher several times and I think I should also try her school counselor. I would really like to try some games like you suggested Judie. I would just like to get a handle on this for her before she gets "labeled" at school. Then I think we will have a long road ahead for us if that happens!

Shiloh--Proud Mom to:
BGG born 2/04
B born 7/06