I posted on the general board, but it was wisely recommended I post here too. My cousin has been desperately ill since Memorial Day due to her pregnancy which caused many severe complications; after receiving excellent medical care and counsel, it was recommended she end her pregnancy (she's 12 weeks) and she did today. She is still so sick and absolutely heart-broken, as is her husband. This was their first baby.
I was just looking for suggestions to support her from home since I can't make it over there right now. I'd like to send flowers, a plant, something to acknowledge their loss and pain. Do I mention the baby? Send a separate tiny arrangement?
I'd be grateful for suggestions from those of you here. Every day I admire your strength and grace and I'm so sorry for each of your losses.
Thank you,
Julie

wamjet

I read on the main forum, and was just about to post there too.

I would try to come up with something else besides flowers - maybe a little keepsake to remember the baby, and it will also let her know you still acknowledge the baby. Maybe a small picture frame for the US or plant a tree in the baby's honor, or something of that nature.

Can I ask what made her so sick?

Carrie
and the crew...
Tyler 9/01 (9)
and Noah 10/03(7)
Andrew, Jason, and Tessa (5) 11/05

A tree in memory of the baby would be nice. I would be honored if someone did something like that for me. You can even try to find something that blooms at this time of the year, or would bloom when the baby was due. Flowers are nice, but they wilt and die, while a tree can stay as a rememberance of her baby.

Kelly

DS~7years
triplets~2years
January 25, 2005 at 33.4 weeks
DS,DD, and ^i^DS

I have a friend who lost her 3 1/2 year old son to cancer, and we used this service. I've used it twice before and everyone has said what they send out is really nice.

http://www.treegivers.com/

Carrie
and the crew...
Tyler 9/01 (9)
and Noah 10/03(7)
Andrew, Jason, and Tessa (5) 11/05

Julie:

I would send a card with a loving letter -- and, then put it on your calendar to send something in about five or six weeks. That's when all of the supporters fall of (sometimes as early as two to three weeks) and the real pain of the thing hits you so hard. Getting something commemorative and knowing that someone is still thinking of you and your loss is such a blessing.

Oh, btw, mentioning the baby is a good thing. Too many people are afraid to speak of the baby who has died, but this baby was real to your cousin, and acknowledging the baby will comfort her. If they knew the sex of the child and/or had already named the baby, use the baby's name, as well. This will convey to her that you understood that she has lost a real, human child and not just a pregnancy at a fairly early stage. That is so important.

Also, if you'll do a search on this site, you'll find that there are other support groups for those who have lost babies. It's possible that your cousin would find comfort and support there as well.

Good luck to you.

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.

It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

Caeleigh and Caidan are on the move!! My triplets are
http://lilypie.com>

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.