Erika,
I don't think you are alone with that one. I loved being pregnant and telling people we were expecting triplets. I would move heaven and earth to have all 3 of my babies here.

Dana
MOM to surviving triplets Caitlyn & Madison 9-28-01 and Will (9-28-01 to 10-30-01)

Hi Erika,

I wanted to say that although I cannot imagine the pain you feel I completely agree with your sentiments about the posts. You are in my prayers Erika. I am so sorry for your pain.

Peggy
mom to
Tricia 19
Lyndsay 18
Sydney 12
Millie 10 and
Robert, Julian and Max 9/2/03 @ 36wks
http://lilypie.com>

Hi Erika,

I am fortunate to have brought home all my babies (although not babies any more) but I am also a bereaved parent. We lost our only son to cancer when he was just a toddler. I am very sorry to hear how upsetting some of the posts on the main forum are to you and I completely understand.

I am also drawn to posts that I know I should avoid. I read the Every Mom Should Read This.. post and should have immediately closed it when I saw it was about a deceased child having written a note to his mother after death. Instead, I hung on every word and then I couldn't sleep all night thinking about it. Why are we drawn to things that we know will intensify our grief? I don't have an answer for you but I think it is all part of the grieving process.

Take Care,

Nettie

Mom to g/g/g age 6
and 10 yr old big sister

Oh Erika,
I am so very sorry for your pain. I cannot imagine the depth of your loss, but my heart aches for you and your little Eric. You are in my prayers.

I completely agree with you about the complaint posts.

Cynthia

I am SOOOOOOOOOooooo with you on this one. And, I completely understand your pain and the fact that you still read these things. It's sort of like being drawn to view an accident scene, or a moth to the flame. Terrible, huh?

I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. I've been wondering about Carina a lot this past couple of weeks and wishing desperately that she was here. It is tough. I, too, wish that I could be backwards to the pregnancy again, with the chance of doing things differently. I would give nearly anything for that...

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

I will be praying for your peace...

Love,
Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.

It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://lilypie.com>[

Erika,
I'm so sorry for your pain, but so glad that you posted!! I have been having the same feelings. I find myself drawn to the triplet posts, but then get frustrated that the moms "forget" for a moment what a beautiful, wonderful, amazing blessing they have--stupid questions, bad behavior and all. I would love to be dealing with that lack of sleep and dumb comments from strangers right now.
It's obvious from the posts that you are not alone in this--thanks for having the guts to say it first!
I will be remembering you in my prayers

Holly
mom of Hunter 6/20/03
^ggg^ spontaneous miracles at 22wk and 22wk, 5d (2/26/05, 3/3/05)--Hope Ruth, Hannah Jill, and Hallie Grace--on earth a short time, but in our hearts and Heaven for eternity

I am "outing" myself her to any lurkers, but I often feel the same way. I have felt shunned many times when I chime in about even a general parenting topic (I DO have an older child and two babies, you know!). Not EVERYTHING is different just because it's in triplicate!

I'm not usually one for being the center of attention, but I, too would love to have polite, but stupid comments made to me about having my hands full with so many babies in tow. You have simply expressed what so many of us with survivors feel. I still gain a lot of insight from the main forum, and can't bring myself to join an online "twins" forum. But the complaining is hard to swallow sometimes, and I would LOVE to have advice to offer about managing everything in three's.

Big hugs to you, and know that your feelings are shared and understood.

Anne

Hi Erika, I was just sitting here reading all the differnet spots. I have all three of my guys but have almost lost my son jacob on more than one occasion. I just wanted you to know that this is the spot to vent and get you emotions out and sometimes you might make some one mad ... But thats to darn bad for them. I wasnt upset at all by your post. I could never imange your pain.I had stoped comming to the connection for about 4 years cause i felt the way you did. And didnt feel like i belonged because back then they didnt have different posting sites only the main forum and I didnt fit there at all. i had two that were normal and one was severely handicapped and everyone here had three full term babies and most were spontaneous unlike my three that i did ivf. i think sometimes even i get so involed in my own world that i forget how someone else might feel by what i have said. Just always know that you angel is always in with you. And i wish you peace with this time for you and i saw the picture that was done for you and I cryed it was amazing. with most peace shellie

with god all things are possible

My surviving triplet is still in the nicu, 13 1/2 weeks now. He is doing well, still working on the whole suck, swallow, breathe thing though. But now the other set of triplets has one in our room. I watch them with anger, jealousy, and sadness. I can't help but watch them and listen to them. It kills me to see these happy people with their 3 healthy babies. It's just so unfair. Why do they get to have all 3 of their babies? It hurts so much to want something so bad that is impossible to get. I miss my other 2 babies so much. I am so grateful to have my son and I wish I could just be happy and think about how lucky I am to have him, but I'm always going to long for his siblings. I don't think I'll ever be able to deal with other triplets. It's just too painful. I heard the mother saying that they had to repaint the babies' room because they thought they were having 2 girls and a boy, but had 2 boys and a girl. I thought to myself oh, you poor thing..I would love to be repainting a room for my 3 babies. Instead, I get to return triplet strollers and extra baby things that I no longer need 3 of. I don't like being so angry, but I just can't help it. I know it's not her fault, she has no idea. It's just so hard being there in the nicu surrounded by multiples.
--Cindy
mother to 24 week triplets Brandon,13 weeks old,
Ryan and Jessica (7/25/05-8/24/05)
Ashley 2

Erika and others

Another lurker Mom here. I understand your being drawn to the triplet comments threads, as it is probably similar to why I occasionally lurk here. My son nearly died that first day. We were told to gather anyone that wanted to see him before he passed and they needed to come fast. Those were the toughest phone calls DH has ever made. I remember in my drug induced haze watching him make those calls. I lurk here because this was so very close to being a place that included me. Does that make any sense?

It sort of feels like a post traumatic stress thing. I can so very vividly remember those hours. I remember when DH got called to the NICU stat. I lay there waiting for him to come back. When I heard his voice outside the door I closed my eyes and prentended I was asleep. If I'm asleep he can't tell me he has passed. Therefore he won't really be gone. Not my most rational moment I'm sure!

Strange as this sounds, you all are the closest people to understanding what I felt. No Mom who came home with 3 healthy babies will ever understand why 2 years later I still feel those hours like they happened last month. I don't think you can ever go back to that innocence of the happy healthy birth after hearing those words.

I don't come here as often as I used to. There are still days when I need the reminder that there are worse things than strange comments, and not enough hands for all the chaos. On those days I stop by here and remind myself of how close we came. I don't mean to imply that I understand your grief. Just that some of us lurk here not out of "morbid curiousity" but out of respect and understanding that we all could have ended up here so easily. I guess the same reason you read those triplet comment posts. That could have been you. And in all of your cases it should have been.

Blessings to you all!
Kim

Thanks everyone for listening. They can't really move the other triplets. This is room C now where the healthier, less critical babies go before going home. And it is a smaller room. So basically, I'm stuck with them. It is so hard. Just when I thought I was finally doing a little better I get to have the "should-be-me" family right across the room from me. Tonight it was just me and them, the only parents in there. So I got to hear them, watch them putting brother and sister together and the leave to go see the other brother in the other room. I tried to ignore them and focus on Brandon, but I couldn't. It was like watching what it was supposed to be like...that should be us... that was supposed to be us! It's just so hard. I can't take it. It just kills me inside. I just need to get my boy home already. And then we can just stay inside hiding from rsv and not see any other triplets.
--Cindy

I am still so proud, yet sad to be the parent of triplets. I feel so lucky to have had the experience of being pregnant with triplets. I can't tell you how whole it makes me feel when someone looks at my survivors and says, "you are blessed". What a nice thing to say other than all of the rude comments I get.

My favorite thing to say when I was pregnant, someone would ask, is this your first? I would say, "no, my 2nd, 3rd and 4th."

BTW, I love the picture of your 3. I would like to have one done of Jesus holding Eastyn against him.

Kelly

DS~7years
triplets~2years
January 25, 2005 at 33.4 weeks
DS,DD, and ^i^DS