I have heard many times people with two survivors saying how hard it is when people call them twins. Since that would not happen to me with only one survivor, I could only imagine how hard that is. After all, nobody comes up to us and says he is so cute, is he a singleton? But for the first time, I had a simliar situation. I was at my mom's block party yesterday. I was sitting at a table with Brandon on my lap, next to my sister with her 6 month old and her friend with her big 4 month old (since Brandon is so small, they are pretty much all the same size). A lady walked by and commented on the cute babies and then asked if they were triplets. I was caught off guard and didn't speak. The friend said no, we were each holding our own and laughed. I quietly said no, but he is and then had to get up and go inside to cry for a minute. What made it even harder was that I had already been thinking about it with these three babies sitting in the play yard together. I watched them while thinking that THIS is what it was supposed to be like, these SHOULD be my 3 babies playing together, getting all of the triplet comments. It was even a boy and a girl, if it wasn't for the blond hair that the two of them have, it would really seem like having all 3 of my babies. So as I sat there wishing it was my triplets, this lady's question really was a hard hit for me.
Plus, I think I'm extra sensitive (if it's possible to be anymore sensitive than I usually am now) because we are coming up to their 1 year angel-versary.
--Cindy

-Cindy
Mother to 24 week triplets;
Brandon
^Ryan^ & ^Jessica^ (7/25/05-8/24/05)
http://lilypie.com>
http://lilypie.com>

Cindy,

I'm sorry for that. We go to the Y and a friend had a baby girl 3mos after my boys were born and I was standing outside the Y one day with all three babies in their little carriers and had someone ask if they were triplets - it does throw you, doesn't it.

I think it is especially hard with anniversary dates approaching.

Many hugs to you.

Marie

Honey,

I'm so sorry that you got hit with this.

I have learned over the past 2.5 years new and meaningful ways of dealing with this hit, but your circumstances are different than mine and you haven't been hit with this as often.

In circumstances where I am there with three babies and get asked if they're triplets, I routinely respond, "Well, yes and no. These two (mine) are, and this is our little friend, XXX (other baby)." I think that you could easily have done the same type of response: "Well, yes and no. My son is a triplet, but not to either of these babies." It would then result in the whole myriad of other questions, including, "Where are the other babies??" I also routinely respond to this with, "With my mother" (in heaven).

You're right about the anniversary time being a sensitive period of time. I'm so sorry for your loss and wish that there were something I could do to make things better.

Love,

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://b3.lilypie.com/bDA

Cindy,

I'm in a similar situation, in that I have one survivor with my twins. I would find myself telling people at the grocery checkout that he's a twin. LIke they really needed to know our history. For us, we can bring it up when we feel like it. But for those with 2 or more survivors, they get the twins (or more) comments and can learn to steel themselves a bit (not that anyone is completely at peace with this). You just don't expect it, so it's natural that you would be blind-sided. Occassionally I still get a small inkling of "how it should be". I'll be seeing that next week when DS goes to K and I think there is a set of twin boys in his class. Heaven help me if they are blonde and blue-eyed. Heck, I have a hard time when he has a playdate and I yell "boys, come up from the basement please". I refer to my twins as "the boys" and my quads as "the girls". I guess him having a best buddy his age is the closest he will have to having his twin here with him, so even playing with a friend at our house is bittersweet for me.

Wishing you peace today. I'm usually a lot worse in the days leading up to the angel day than I am ON the day. Don't know why.

MonsterMom6
10 year old ^b^ b twins @ 30w5d (1 survivor) and
8 year old gggg quads @ 32w0d

Cindy:

My heart is with you in this day. As usual, I suspect that today is actually a bit easier than these past several weeks have been.

God bless you and keep you.

Love,
Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://b3.lilypie.com/bDA