I have been pre-warned that about a month or so before the offical "date" of losing one of your babies will start the grieving process all over again....(as if it has ever ended) - So....i am trying to prepare myself.....i am taking off work that day of course along with DH....their birthday is going to be hard as well...god...i don't know how we are going to get through it...the slideshow of events during Corbin's passing has already begun to start...night after night lately..can't get it out of my head. Its so hard....any suggestions to keeping sane? So sad...

BGB trips born on 5/10/06 at 29 weeks,1 day.

Abby, Dylan and our special angel, Corbin.

Corbin, you are always in our thoughts and we miss you deeply.

I'm so sorry, these anniversaries are so very hard and, to be honest, it's often been weird things that "get" me-picturing my third son playing on the floor or picturing him running up to me, etc. You cannot plan for the grief. Taking the day off of work is probably a good idea but realize that there is no way to predict how you'll feel on the actual anniversary.

Suggestions to keeping sane? I wish there were some, I guess I'd say to go ahead and acknowledge your grief, let it come, don't fight it - don't try to pretend you are ok - talk about it if you need to - don't talk if you don't want to.

My bottom line suggestion is to do your best to take care of yourself and to take care of your husband - enjoy your babies as well. My son died in utero a few weeks before delivery - for that reason (I guess) their birthday hasn't ever been my saddest time. The few weeks before that were the worst - remembering that I'd been pg with three just one year before - I think that was the hardest.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Marie

You are already doing one of the most important things that you can: You are aware of what is going on. That way, when you are having a horrible day and angry at the world, maybe you will get that little "ah-hah" and realize that this is also part of your grief.

Be gentle on yourself as the anniversary approaches and try to be gentle with those around you -- sometimes we say and do things that are very difficult to make amends for later when what we really want is to curl up in a ball and cry.

It might also be helpful to plan a brief memorial time. Taking time to write a letter to Corbin might comfort your heart, and releasing that letter on a helium balloon to go to him at the gravesite would provide a significant ceremony commemorating this event.

One last thing: Please know that you are approaching the toughest anniversary, although they all pretty much suck. They do, however, get a tiny bit easier with each passing year.

Fondly,
Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://b3.lilypie.com/bDA

I will have you in my prayers during the following weeks...

I also dread that date, and Im 5 months away! I dont know how to celebrate Nathalie´s birthday w/o having 3 cakes or celebrating for the three of them because its all of their birthdays... Im sorry Im not helping... just wanted to say that I understand what you are going through.

Monique
Mom to 26.5wk triplets, born 09/14/06
^Nicole^
^Daniel^
Nathalie

I had three cakes for the first birthday. We held it after church and invited everyone at church to join in as a "thank you" for all of the prayers and support. At our more private party later that evening, we had leftover cake and gifts and talked.

A lot of us will do something quiet in commemoration. For example, I have friends who always put butterflies on the cake in celebration of the baby(ies) who have been lost. I order lots of balloons, and at the end of the celebration take some quiet time to myself and go off and release the balloons to Carina.

It's an uneasy balance because others so often feel awkward about grief over the loss of babies, and you want to respect their feelings but you can't simply ignore your own feelings on this. Most of us find that a quiet commemoration works well, and then take some special time to go to the cemetary with just you and dh and your survivor(s).

At 7 months into your loss, you are also still reeling with the legitimate first-throes of grief, not just anticipating the upcoming anniversary. My heart goes out to you.

Fondly,
Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://b3.lilypie.com/bDA

I usually start my "April Funk" right at the beginning of the month. Danny's angel day is the 25th. It will be 6 years next week. For some reason my funk isn't the same as it has been in the past. Maybe it's because the weather is odd. I'm not really one to go by dates so much as I react to the feel of air, environment, etc. Since this spring doesn't "feel" like springs of the past, maybe I'm not having the same difficulty....or maybe it's time? Hard to tell.

Can't tell you how to keep sane. I'm usually OK by his angel day, but the weeks leading up to it can put me into a tailspin. I get more emotional, I'm more "fragile" when things don't go my way.....little things and important things. I've learned that and now

Things I try to do...

I allow myself the time I need to feel what I'm feeling.
Keep commitments to a minimum or keep things flexible so I can bail without guilt if I'm not up to company.
I still replay the events of his last day on earth in great detail in my mind.
Expect that there will be things that trigger my emotions. Bad ones are MedFlight helicopters and sirens in my neighborhood, good ones are vibernum on my patio blooming.
Taking the day off work is helpful...my DH hasn't ever done that, but he gets home early enough so we can go to the cemetary. I'd like for him to be home, but I think it's better for HIM to work.

Wishing you peaceful thoughts,

MonsterMom6
10 year old ^b^ b twins @ 30w5d (1 survivor) and
8 year old gggg quads @ 32w0d

Thank you for all the suggestions...sigh..we went to his grave..(I do that at least once a week) - and told him how i was feeling about everything, etc... Usually I just talk to him about how his brother and sister are doing, etc....it really helped me to get it all out. I know it sounds odd talking to a grave...even though i know HE isn't there...but it gives me a landmark to talk to....i can't just keep everything bottled up inside..& that has been my problem. my family and friends are all pre-warned...i am hoping for the best but expecting the worst (emotion wise) on their birthday and on the 21st. Thank you for everyone's support...its so hard...

BGB trips born on 5/10/06 at 29 weeks,1 day.

Abby, Dylan and our special angel, Corbin.

Corbin, you are always in our thoughts and we miss you deeply.