The anniversary of her death has passed. i was so worried about what the day would be like. Everyone tried to keep me busy which was sweet. i did get some comments though. I mentioned i wanted to have another child in a few years, and my grandma said "Heidi, you can't replace the one you lost". that really hurt. I think my husband and i are the only ones who could truly know how irriplacable Elizabeth is. Sometimes i still get a little jelouse, when i see moms on tv that had Quads and they all made it. I think, i did everything right. no smoking, drinking, drugs...i took care of myslef every step of the way. i just don't know what else i could have done to carry them longer. i recieved a massage from the hospital a few hours before my water broke. maybe letting myslef get so relaxed let my water break. or the craft lady that kept insisting i come do crafts with the other pregant ladies, i didn't want to go, but i didn't want to be rude. i should have been rude, if i had just stayed in bed, maybe my water wouldent have broken that night. i just keep going over what i should have done differently. and remember how i sang to her through her operation. at first her eyes clung to me, like she was drowning and i was her lifeline. i could see everytime she had a pain spasam, becasue her brow would wrinkle. and then her eyes just slowly faded. i held her as she died. i don't think she even knew me at that point. i'm glad her pain didn't last long. Still, it seems i was cheeted to have brought her along so far, and to only be able to hold her for 8 days. i feel like i was really special for 8 days. i still have my three...and they are my pride and joy. but nothing can make up for loosing Elizabeth.

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Please dont think you did anything wrong, you carried quads for 31 weeks! wow, that is very good (I only was able to carry triplets for 26 wks). I too kept asking myself what I could have done differently in order to prolong my pregnancy, but I have come to understand that they were born when they had to be born. Nicolle had a terrible infection that she could have infected her brother and sister. Its still very sad and very difficult to accept though.

I`m very sorry for the loss of your sweet Elizabeth and the year that has gone by... I often ask myself why my babies came to earth to suffer, but I thank God that I was able to see them and meet them. You were able to get to know your little baby and be with her during her passing. That was a great gift for her, a loving departure from Earth and definitively a loving welcome in Heaven.

Monique
Mom to 26.5wk triplets, born 09/14/06
^Nicole^
^Daniel^
Nathalie

I am so sorry for your pain and your grief, but so happy that you have some precious memories of your sweet baby girl.

The first year is the hardest and the first anniversary is probably the toughest. It never goes away, but things get easier with time.

I'm glad that you've survived this first anniversary.

Fondly,
Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

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