Well, the day arrived. The girls came home from preschool today to explain that there was a set of triplets at their preschool, so now there is a set of triplets and a set of twins. I asked who the twins were, and they let me know it was them.

Now we've always hung out with other triplet families in the area, and I have NEVER called them twins, but I have also not ever REALLY talked to them about Maria Jose and their specific tripletness.

Last month on a road trip during which we met the adoption agent who helped us adopt the girls, we talked about adoption, and I found out to my surprise that they never gave it a thought that they were ever anything but our babies. They accepted it just fine, and that makes me think they will accept the existence and loss of their sister as not much more than information (in that I don't think they'll be traumatized beyond repair).

So tomorrow I am going to sit them down, take out the article on them when they were born with the only known photos of Maria Jose, and we will talk about it, about what makes someone a triplet, about what makes someone a person, about their sister, and about options for what they can tell people. I will also put in a call to preschool to request that the teachers stop refering to them as twins (they haven't really done this before but now they are all excited because there are "twins" and "triplets").

I don't care that the teachers refer to them as triplets (it would be nice, but I don't NEED that), but I do care that they don't call them something they are not. To call them twins negates Maria Jose's existence, and I guess the only way to NOT do that is to make the girls completely aware of her existence.

I guess I'm really just posting to get my thoughts out and vent a bit of frustration, but I welcome any thoughts, suggestions, support, etc. you may have to offer.

Thanks,
Steff

^West Rogers^, ^Keaton Edward^, ^Rebecca Joy^ 1/6/04



Missing their sister ^Maria Jose^ 4/7/04-5/10/04

Steff,

That is tough, I hope that the talk with the girls goes well and that they see it as a cool thing! I think it would be very hard for me to have a set of triplets in my boys' class. There is a set of triplet girls at the preschool and I like to see them and to visit with their (very tired and frazzled) dad.

I've always informed the school of my boys' birth situation and requested that they not be called twins. That said, the older they get the less I correct people.

My boys will sometimes correct people and sometimes won't when called twins. They know about their brother and will sometimes tell people about them - they really like that there is a boy in their class that has the same name as their angel brother.

I hope that the teachers will be receptive to the conversation. Since you have the article and photos from birth, maybe that could be incorporated into a "show & tell" at school. I think that would have the most impact on the teachers and I think the kids would think it is cool.

Good luck to you, it really stinks, I know. It does get better as the years go by-at least it has for me. I will never call my sons "twins" but it seems like the word has less sting for me now than it did in the past.

Hugs to you...

Marie

Steff goodluck with the talk. I only hope that I have the right words when and if the time comes. I think that I never want us to forget our triplets and I don't want their sibling to either. Once the girls are aware I'm sure they will grateful to know they have another sister watching over them. God Bless,

Raquel
Mom to triplet angels: Sophia, Steven Jr. & Xavier b/d 25w4d (11/26/06, & Sweet baby Joseph (11/14/07-11/14/07)
Eliana Grace-God has answered
Born 4/03/09

Hey, Steff. 'Sorry you're going through this right now.

My kids were also called "twins" repeatedly at their pre-school until we had a project of putting together a house with pictures of each child's family. Well, on each of my children's "house" the top picture was of the three of them together. The words said, "I am XX, and I am a triplet. I was born at X:XX p.m.,..." and went from there to say about the other babies, including the one who lives with God.

My children have always known that they are triplets and will now respond if asked if they are twins. They will explain the situation to strangers themselves. The amazing thing is that I had one couple ask if they were twins and the children told them, "No. We're triplets." The adults then looked at me and said, "Are they really?" I felt like asking them if they thought my children were simply making something like that up, but I resisted the impulse and said, "Yes, of course." From there, my children told the couple that they have a sister named Carina and that she lives with God up in heaven.

I have a friend who has triplet grandchildren who were always told that they were twins. The girls recently learned that they are triplets and were extremely angry that they had been lied to. They are seven years old and felt completely betrayed about this, so I think that it is a good and helpful thing for you to share this information with your girls at this time.

Good luck to you. 'Sorry to have learned this so late. Please let us know how this went.

BTW, I'd love to get together before the holidays.

Fondly,
Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://b3.lilypie.com/bDA