I was caught off guard when one of the nurses asked if we were having a service. We hadnt thought about it. We assumed we would do something privately for Anders, our firstborn triplet, after we got out of the hospital with the other two. We hadnt thought about what we would do if we lost all three.

Any advice? I know its a personal decision, but we're just at a loss...

Thanks for your help,
Jennifer

Jennifer --
I am sorry for your loss.

We didn't hold a service for our babies. I thought that no one would understand that they were my children, that they existed, that they deserved to be loved.

In hind sight, I regret NOT having a service because in many ways not having that service made my children LESS real and less important to others.

In the weeks following our loss I learned how much people truly did care.

Were I back in the position in which you find yourself -- knowing what I know now -- I would hold a memorial.

I hope that helps.
Steff
Mom to:

^West Rogers^, ^Keaton Edward^, ^Rebecca Joy^ 1/6/04



Missing their sister ^Maria Jose^ 4/7/04-5/10/04

It is totally up to what you and your husband are comfortable with. We did a full service for Hayden but he was 14 months old when he passed away. So we did calling hours the night before his service and then we had a funeral and burial. I think he deserved going out in a style he was a special little boy. When I was fighting to stay pregnant and had a good chance of losing all the babies I was plaining on just have a private graveside service. Do what ever makes you guys comfortable it is your child.
jaclyn

Jaclyn

http://thesheridangang.blogspot.com/

We lost ours one right after the next after their birth at 25weeks 4days. We lost Sophia first and were so devistated we didn't know what to do. Three days later, our Steven the one who was doing great and were told was going to be just fine, suddenly left us. As Xavier struggled to hold on, we started making arrangements. Thank God for our church support. They connected us with a local Mortuary. When we went in for consultation they asked if we wanted two or three caskets. It was so hard but I knew in my heart that Xavier was next to go. My husband said two, right away. Needless to say, we needed three. They were kind enough to donate the caskets being so small. We decided to have a graveside funeral, my nephew sang beautiful songs and I wrote a letter to my precious babies. Our minister read the letter and did a short grave side service. I am very thankful for that time with family and friends. Our triplets have a beautiful headstone with something I wrote on it and we sit with their memory every Sunday. I thank God for that. Sorry, so long. As a side, a friend of mine had her second miscarriage at three months and wasn't able to keep the remains. She is saddened that she has no resting place for her second angel baby. She decided to plant a tree and set a stone with a poem that she wrote to remember her little angels.
Big hug of support during this horrible time. Whatever you decide will be right for you and your family. Please take care.

Raquel
Mom to triplet angels: Sophia, Steven Jr. & Xavier b/d 25w4d (11/26/06, & Sweet baby Joseph (11/14/07-11/14/07)
Eliana Grace-God has answered
Born 4/03/09

Jennifer, I think that a service really helps. It does make the babies "real" and thus, your loss, "real" to others. Ours helped me immensely. It was graveside and our priest was wonderful. He really focused on how my baby went from the all enveloping love of my womb to the all enveloping love of God - all the while acknowledging that we'd all (God included) much prefer for my son to be here on earth.

For me it was an important part of my grieving process.

Marie

I agree that it is whatever you feel comfortable doing. We did not have a service for James who passed away after 5 days. Just John and I went to the cemetary, said our prayers and kissed the casket before it was lowered. We bought flowers and laid them around his grave.

I did not feel that anyone would understand what we were going through (at the time 4 babies, 1 who passed, the other 3 struggling) I don't know if it was right or wrong but it was right for us at that time.

Please do what you feel comfortable doing, not what someone else thinks.

God bless

Jane
Anna/Emma/John/^James^ (9/24/03-9/29/03) 26 wkers
In memory of my beloved Emma 9/24/03 - 1/19/07
www.snanimals.com
www.jlperillo.etsy.com (my etsy shop)
http://snanimals.blogspot.com (my blog)

Jennifer:

I am so sorry for your loss.

By now you have probably decided upon how to handle the memorial for your babies.

I simply want to let you know that this is a good place to come. So many people have gone through so much on this site, and everyone here understands the rawness of this grief. I am so sorry that you are a part of this site, but I can assure you that there is comfort to be found here.

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://b3.lilypie.com/bDA