Preston and Maddie will be 2 in March and I am wondering how to do their birthday party. I would like to honor Hayden in some way also even if it is just his picture on a table. Some people are like we know he was here and we won't forget him I am like that is not the point he was born on March 9 along with my other two children if I am celebrating their birthday can't i celebrate his also. We are having the party like the week after their birthday so I can go to the cemetery and release ballons the day of their birthday but what do you guys do?

Jaclyn

http://thesheridangang.blogspot.com/

Do what feels right to you. There is no right or wrong answer.

For Anna, Emma & John's birthday, I did not include Emma for the guests. Oh, we talked about her, and remembered her but I didn't have her on the invitations or thank yous. For me, I still am not ready to face what happened. I just can't think about it (even though the year anniversary is next Saturday.) It's still too dark a place for me to venture.

I do have pictures of her (and Anna and John) all over the house, just as they were before. I haven't added any new ones to the walls since she passed away except for a large one of her we had at the funeral. So in a way, she was a part of the day.

All I can say is that you need to take care of you, however or whatever you need to do is okay.

I did take balloons to Emma's & James' cemetary plots and a little gift. It was just me though, alone. I wanted the time by myself. But a balloon release is a great idea.

Jane
Anna/Emma/John/^James^ (9/24/03-9/29/03) 26 wkers
In memory of my beloved Emma 9/24/03 - 1/19/07
www.snanimals.com
www.jlperillo.etsy.com (my etsy shop)
http://snanimals.blogspot.com (my blog)

Jaclyn:

My children wanted to include Carina this year and we did. Up until this year, though, we did something subtle. The balloon release and having a special set of balloons for Hayden would be something quietly stated. Also, a lot of us here add butterflies to the birthday cake, signifying the one that has flown on ahead. That, too, is a subtle acknowledgment.

Slightly less subtle, you could easily leave out some pictures of the kids, including a few NICU shots, a few of all three together, and some more recent pictures of the two of them. That way, it would not be a pointed statement regarding Hayden -- simply that he is a part of their heritage and always will be. Look for the quiet ways of including him in the celebration since there are always going to be people who are extremely uncomfortable addressing death and grief issues. I think that most of us try to remember this and not get into their faces too much, while finding quiet ways of remembering and commemorating.

When your children are older, you'll find that they will have their own preferences and this will get much easier. Last night was a very gratifying and happy little party of me, my children and our beloved nanny at Del Taco dining on 3/$1.00 tacos and birthday cake and singing "happy birthday" three times. Carina will not be so visibly present among us at the party on the 19th, but there will be butterflies on the cakes and we will let some of our balloons go to her -- since Caeleigh has claimed "pink" as her favorite color, I suspect we'll have some lavender ones as well.

Good luck to you, sweetheart. Do what is going to comfort your heart while respecting the feelings of others sufficiently that they do not make it rougher for you. (Selfish motivation is acceptable here!!)

And, happy upcoming birthday to your trio.

Fondly,
Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://b3.lilypie.com/bDA

Im sorry for what you are going through at this time...

I did not know what to do for my surviving triplet birthday, I felt I was hurting someone eitther way. I thought I would hurt Daniel and Nicolle´s feelings if I didnt honor them, but I also felt I would hurt my surviving triplet (Nathalie) by honoring them and being sad because of that, and ruin her first birthday.

So what I did, and felt comfortable with is, have a mass in honor of the three of them on their real birthday and a day later have a birthday party for my surviving triplet. I think it is a very personal decision with what you feel comfortable with.

What Im about to say has come to me after therapy sessions, but I have become more careful in the way I honor my babies because I dont want to put a burden on Nathalie. I honestly cant talk about my babies without being sad, and I dont want her to see me sad in her special days, I have to be happy for her and give her happiness, my other two babies are in the Happiest place ever, they are with Jesus. So I have to honor them separately.

I really hope you can find a way to honor Hayden in a way you and your family feel comfortable with.

Monique
Mom to 26.5wk triplets, born 09/14/06
^Nicole^
^Daniel^
Nathalie

It will get easier with time, I promise. At some point in time you will no longer be so achingly sad so much of the time. At one year I was still reeling with the loss of Carina, and I did not lose as much as you did. I know that your heart is still wrenching.

It sounds like you figured out a wonderful compromise that honored all of your children.

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://b3.lilypie.com/bDA