I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My husband and I lost one of our triplets a month after they were born. I think you will find some comfort in reading other posts that have been in similiar situations. It feels good to know that you are not alone. The best advice I received from a grief counselor at the NICU and she said that both you and your husband will probabley greive differently. Men tend to not want to talk about it and women tend to want to communicate their feelings. Try to pull together as a couple and just take it one day at a time. We are all here for you.

Take Care of yourself,

Lori

I am very sorry for your loss. Like you, I lost all of mine too at 23w6d. We thought that we would be able to bring home Jaxon, but he too died after 89 painful days in the NICU. Please check out my site. There are lots of helpful links, songs, poems, etc. The next year will be hard...it goes by so slow but so fast at the same time. I still cry everyday...I do not know when it gets better. Much love....

www.tripletbutterflywings.com

Rachel - mother of four...forever
^Jaxon^ (3/2/07-5/29/07)
^Courtney^ (3/2/07-3/8/07)
^Colin^ (3/2/07-3/8/07)
23 weeks 6 days
www.tripletbutterflywings.blogspot.com
www.themcconathys.blogspot.com
Kenzington Rae 12/26/08
Born at 36 weeks after 5 months of

Hi Kat,

I'm so sorry for your loss. My DH, mom and I keep all of you in our thoughts and prayers!

Mel

Aiden 4 lbs 15 oz
Brody 5 lbs 8.3 oz
Colin 5 lbs 8.6 oz
4/14/08 at 35 wks
ID BBBs--no NICU
http://www.meluch.blogspot.com

I am so very sorry for your loss.
Aloha,
Kelli

Kat --

Please don't ever apologize for upsetting anyone. You have been through a pain that is worse than anything imaginable, and you have nothing to apologize for or explain.

I often explain to others that losing a set of triplets is so much more than losing a baby. It's losing three babies, their togetherness, their tripletness, their built-in playmate-ness, your status to the world as a mother of triplets (you are, but you will never be recognized as such by "an outsider"), when it's your first pregnancy, you also lose your entire family (especially if you thought this was to be your first and last pregnancy). You also lost the "ease" of delivering by c-section -- AND to add further insult to further injury, you had to do the hard labor and get NOTHING but pain on the outside. You also get the joy (sarcasm there) of bringing home several bouquets of flowers from the hospital instead of bringing home any of the children you've been loving and knowing since they were conceived. It's SO MUCH MORE than losing a child (which is not in any way meant to diminish the pain from the loss of any child -- not at all).

It's been four years since I went through an incredibly similar saga that ended with our loss of West, Keaton and Rebecca.

As you described the loss of your children, I was taken right back to that horrible time 10 days after our loss. My pain was so raw then -- so raw I didn't even realize how immense it was because I was in too much pain to feel (if that makes sense).

A lot of loss moms on this site helped me through those incredibly tough days. Sadly, there are a lot of us who have lost entire sets. You are not alone. If it helps at all right now, please know that all but one of the 20+ loss moms I know have gone on to have subsequent children (through pregnancy or adoption or both). Those children cannot ever "replace" your first children, but they can heal that need for family and fill many of the places left empty in your heart.

You have a long road ahead -- filled with a lot of pain and sorting through it all (I will not sugar coat this journey).

Some things that will help include:

There's a book called "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" -- I tell people to open to a page and start identifying (you might want to skip the preface poems, as they can be a bit much to take). This book really helped me to understand 1) how NOT alone I was in this and 2) how my feelings were actually very normal.

The March of Dimes has a site for loss parents .. http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/572.asp

LAMBS is a group on Yahoo groups for Loss of All in Multiple Birth -- everyone in the group has lost their entire set of multiples -- much easier than CLIMB (which has great information) because you don't have to listen to stories about survivors (one or two of a set who survived) which can be hard to face when you have no survivors.
http://www.public.iastate.edu/~cjenks/lambs.html to sign up.

Write write write. Write down everything you remember about your boys, how they looked, how they felt, how they smelled, what about them made you smile (I remember how much Rebecca looked like her dad), how you felt aside from the sorrow. These are things you will want to remember later on when the grief is less raw and they are things that are sooooooo easy to forget.

My heart is with you. Please know that you can contact me if you need to just vent or ask questions or whatever.

My best to you
Steff

^West Rogers^, ^Keaton Edward^, ^Rebecca Joy^ 1/6/04



Missing their sister ^Maria Jose^ 4/7/04-5/10/04

My heart goes out to your and your family. Although i haven't never felt a loss like this. I can only imagine what it is like for you. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Please know that you did everything you could for them..

http://littletriplets.blogspot.com/

Do not EVER apologize for sharing your story. Thank you for sharing it, it makes your precious, precious Isaiah, Jacob, and Noah real for all of us.

I am so sorry for the loss and that you've had to join a "club" to which far too many mommies belong. I am glad you found your way here, there are mom's here that have been in your exact shoes and I am always moved by their wisdom and compassion. At some point, they will give you hope.


Peace and hugs to you in this terrible time, thank you again for sharing your story. You and your entire family will be in my prayers.

Marie

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know no words can bring you comfort, but you will be thought of and prayed for as will your precious boys and husband.

Carrie
and the crew...
Tyler 9/01 (9)
and Noah 10/03(7)
Andrew, Jason, and Tessa (5) 11/05

I am so sorry. There are no words to comfort you. I lost one baby and I can't imagine what you are going through. The one thing that someone said to me was to remember that I'll always be a mom of triplets, and you are, too. Your boys were lucky to have such a loving mom as you who did all you could to give them a chance, and all they ever knew was love.

I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our 1st baby & were not able to get pregnant again afterwards which lead us to IVF & our triplet pregnancy. The pain of loss is incredibly raw. Not many women can understand the pain you feel. The book, "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" is an excellent book that also helped me through the grieving process. It really helped me through the different stages that I was going through...the guilt, the anger & resentment towards the world & God, the depression & just the raw emotions that accompany every stage. For me, talking about our loss was the best thing I could do.

I know I didn't lose 3 but I did lose 1 and many of the emotions are the same. Please know if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. You & your husband will be in my prayers!

Astrid
GGB born at 33.6 on 3-31-08
Sofia Genevieve ~ 4.9 oz, 10 days NICU
Gabriella Marie ~ 4.4, 10 days NICU
Ian Giovanni ~ 4.1, 14 days NICU

http://survivingtriplets.blogspot.com
www.facebook.com/scbyastrid
http://scbyastrid.etsy.com

Oh my, I am so terribly sorry for your loss, I have no words to convey my heartbreak for you. I pray that God will care for you and help you through this tragedy. I know He is caring for your beautiful baby boys.

Jane
Anna/Emma/John/^James^ (9/24/03-9/29/03) 26 wkers
In memory of my beloved Emma 9/24/03 - 1/19/07
www.snanimals.com
www.jlperillo.etsy.com (my etsy shop)
http://snanimals.blogspot.com (my blog)

I also lost all three of mine at 22.1 weeks. I am so sorry that you are here too. It is the most painful thing to deal with...the loss of children. I did end up with children 2 years later, having dealt with fertility treatments all over again.

I want to tell you how I made it through it. First of all, people say some stupid stuff (ie Heaven needed another angel, God knew you couldn't handle three babies at once, at least you carried them that far (gag)). Paul and I started a top ten list of things never to say to grieving parents. We got to where when someone said something dumb we'd roll our eyes at each other and "add it to the list". It was the only bit of humor we had through the whole thing. And people totally don't know what to say about tragic loss. They are dumb.

Secondly, I lived in my closet. I just wanted to stay there under the clothes and hide. And I did for about 2 months. Anytime I felt overwhelmed and sad, I hid in the dark closet. No one else (except my new buddies at the time, Steff, April and Amanda)knew what this was like and understood. I did not work for 4 months until I got on Zoloft (and some people can make it without drugs, but I needed them) and could join the rest of the world again.

Thirdly, we went to grief counseling. Steff shared some good websites, groups....we found a lady and went weekly for a year. My husband never wanted to talk about the tragedy b/c he would cry like a girl. I didn't want to be the strong one, I wanted to cry too, but he didn't want to talk. Hence the grief counseling was a good thing.

Fourthly, we planned a cruise for our due date. That way we had something to look forward to and the date did not pass by horribly sadly. We were in sunshine in the Virgin Islands making by the best we could. Do plan a trip. You will need to get out.

Please email us often and vent. That is the only way I made it through, talking to my buddies.
ps- I had identicals and a fraternal also.
I am very sorry.
Kind regards,

Melody
^bbb^ 11-03-03 at 22 weeks
BBB ^d^ 1-08-06 at 30.3 weeks I am an earthly mom at last!
keep up with us at www.lodyp.com

I, too, am sorry for the loss of your sweet sweet babies. I'm glad you came here to post & express your feelings. We all need a place like that. These mama's are so supportive.

I got pregnant (thru IVF) with twins in 2004. I had a smooth pregnancy...no morning sickness, etc. All of the sudden, one night I began cramping. I too hadn't been pregnant before so I didn't know what to expect as far as contractions. I thought I was cramping because I was growing. I slept on the couch that night & tossed & turned. The next morning was Sat. I went to work (I was a hairstylist) & had a super busy day. Sunday morning my DH & I went to church (during those 2 days, I cramped here & there) & when we got home I went to the restroom. When I wiped, it was like nothing I had seen...major discharge & some blood. I called the hospital & they wanted me to come in just to be checked.

We arrived & found out that I had lost my mucus plug. That night I received an emergency cerclage (I was 19 weeks). I was placed on Magnesium & was completely out of it. Two days later they sent me home & gave me Trebutaline to take. The following morning I woke up & told my DH that I couldn't stand up & I was in the most pain I had ever been in. We had to call an ambulance. I was taken back to the hospital & put back on the mag. On Friday, they came in to check my cervix & like you, my DD's sac was bulging & had broken thru my cerclage. So, I went in immediately for another cerclage. By Saturday, my contractions had slowed down significantly & they decided to see how low I could go on the mag without contracting. I started feeling good.

At about 1:30 am Sunday morning (I was 20 weeks), I started contracting & feeling as though I needed to push. There was nothing they could do. I delivered my daughter & son just after 2 am. My DH had called my mom & my dad & called his parents to tell them I was having the babies. They both were born with a heartbeat but not breathing. We all got to hold them.

It was the worst day of my life. They would have been three years old on the 13th of this month. Now, we have 19 month old triplets who are healthy, happy & crazy!!

You will make it thru this. I know it is so very hard. Don't lose hope. You will have really rough days & then days that aren't too bad. Take each day at a time. I'm so grateful for my trio, but I will never ever forget my first love's. I'm praying for you.

Check us out at:
http://thewrighttrips.blogspot.com/

Isabel, Jasper & Jonah were born on July 1, 2006

And my twin angels in heaven ~
Olivia Layne - 2/13/05
Elijah Cain - 2/13/05

I'm just reading your post today and am compelled to add to what everyone else has already said. I am so so sorry for your loss. Its so aweful losing all three of your triplets. We lost all three after giving birth at 25 weeks 4days. My Sophia lived for 5 days, Steven Jr. lived for 8 and Xavier lived for 11 days. Sheer torture what we have all been through. My story is similiar to yours in that we have been traumatized. The loss of our first pregnancy, the hope of multiples, the planning, the dreams. I still have a room full of gifts unopened and its been 16 months since my babies were born on 11/26/06. I too tried to get pregnant again and lost my fourth baby at 19 weeks. just three months ago. Baby Joseph was so tiny and beautiful. After all the grief and pain its hard to say what comes next. But for what its worth, I'm still hopefull. There are very darks days that come and go but God has given me strength. Please know that you are not alone. Big hug.

Raquel
Mom to triplet angels: Sophia, Steven Jr. & Xavier b/d 25w4d (11/26/06, & Sweet baby Joseph (11/14/07-11/14/07)
Eliana Grace-God has answered
Born 4/03/09

I've just read your story and my heart aches for you. I lost one of my triplets at 8 months old, he had an incurable heart condition and the pain has been unbearable. To lose all 3 is earth shattering and so unfair.
I just wanted to send you hugs and some strength to help you through this terrible time. It's a long road ahead and unfortunately there are many of us out there who can understand your pain.
Thinking of you and your darling triplet angels. As someone said to me, you'll always be a mum to triplets.
Kerri x

Hi,

My heart is breaking as I read your message. I know the pain you are feeling and I wish I could take it away.

My story:
Last May at 11 weeks my husband and I find out we were expecting B/GG triplets. It was a complete shock to both of us. This was my first pregnancy and it was spontaneous. It took us nearly two years to get pregnant and we were so happy when we finally got pregnant. The way we found out we were expecting triplets was I had gone to have a CVS (because I was 37) and they discovered the triplets when they did the ultrasound. This was my first ultrasound, and had I not gone in for the CVS we may not have know our surprise for several more weeks. Anyway, because of the position of the babies they were'nt able to perform the CVS, so they took my husband and me into counseling and started giving us a bunch of information on selective reduction. I was still in complete shock of finding out I was pregnant with triplets, and I didn't process anything they said. We left the appointment that day with one week to decide if we were going to do selective reduction. Once I got my thoughts together and could think clealry there was no way I was going to do selective reduction. We went in the following week to see if the babies had changed positions so we could do the CVS, and they had. We got the test results the next day and everything was perfect. My husband and I said no to selective reduction and we were preparing for our new family. We were so excited and so was our family. Fast forward 8 weeks, I went to the high risk doctor and they discovered my cervix had started to shorten. The doctor put me on immediate bed rest at home. Everything was going great for the next few weeks, and then at 21 weeks I started to feel really bad. I thought it was due to me being pregnant with triplets, but my husband wasn't so sure. After his insistance one night I checked my blood pressure to find it 177/110. I thought the home monitor wasn't correct until my husband took his and got a normal reading. He immediately called my doctor who told him to get me to the hospital immediately. Well, everything went down hill fast from there. I was admitted to the hospital to do a 24 hour urine test. The results came back that I was pre-eclamptic. 2 days later I was having trouble breathing and the doctor sent me for a chest x-ray. That showed my lungs were filling up with fluid. I continued to go down hill each day and at 21 weeks 5 days I was rushed in for an emergency c-section because I had developed pulmonary edema, and my high risk doctor said he would lose me too if we didn't deliver immediately. My world was forever changed on 7-20-07.

I wish I could tell you that it will get easier. I know it will eventually, but it's still very hard for me. I have my good days and bad, but the pain is always with me. The best advice I can give you right now is to take it one moment at a time. Allow yourself the time to grieve. I read some grief books that helped. If you need to talk you can email me at shelly_halford@yahoo.com. It has helped me talking to other moms that have been through a similar experience. Take care of yourself and you will be in my prayers.

Shelly

Mom to triplet angels:
^Austin James Baker^ 7-20-07
^Mary Grace Kathryn Baker^ 7-20-07
^Kaitlyn Marie Baker^ 7-20-07

Kat:

I am so very sorry for your loss. Please stay in touch here. I think it will help you to know that you can freely share what you are going through and that all of us, to one extent or another, completely understand. We have a lot of us here who have lost all three of their triplets and we have a lot of us here who have lost one or more of our triplets. You'll find that we will not become upset with you for recounting your story and sharing your grief. Sharing this with others is one of the best things that you can do at this time.

You are in my heart and in my prayers for all comforting. Again, I am just so sorry for your loss.

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://b3.lilypie.com/bDA

So sorry to hear of your loss! It brings me back to our loss almost 14 years ago. I lost my triplets on June 20, 1994. I was 21+ weeks pregnant, having a relatively easy pregnancy and then WHAM....I was "bulging" I KNEW I was having contractions, even called the doctor, but was told.....oh there is just alot of baby in there. 4 days later bleeding, in the hospital and my 2 boys and 1 girl was born. I was soooooo sad..........I still think of my little angels and will never forget them. I found a wonderful print with 2 angels on it to hang in my room and bought 3 angel ornaments for my christmas tree. The pain does subside, but never goes away. I am fortunate that I got pregnant with triplets the next year and had a terrific outcome. My second set of triplets are now 12 1/2, and bring us more joy than I could ever express. My heart goes out to you and I wish you a miracle!!

I am so very sorry to hear of your tragedy. My story is very similar to yours and I know that the next days, weeks and months will be the most difficult days- but be sure that God will heal your precious, broken heart one day, one memory, one beat at at time. We survived this year by much prayer, much trust in God, many tears, many visits to our boys little grave, amazing friends and family, and by grieving together and seperately. My prayers are with you and I would love to talk more if you'd like to contact me by email. I could really relate to a lot of the details of your story that I would love to talk to you about. It helps so much to have someone who has been through similar things.
holstroma@comcast.net
May God's peace and comfort be with you and your husband,
Sincerely,
Alyssa

holstroma
My three beautiful babies,
now with Jesus...
^Joshua Ronald^ 1/3/07-1/3/07
^Caleb Christopher^ 1/12/07-1/12/07
^Nathaniel Gregory^ 1/12/07-1/12/07