Another try, another failure. Three tries since losing baby Joseph. I can't keep count since losing the triplets. Last Sunday at the cemetery I saw a friend's daughter (my friend's son is burried at the same cemetery) Her daughter was pregnant when I was pregnant with the triplets. She had her daughter running around with her. Steve and I just watched knowing that ours would look like her(aside from her blond hair) ours would be around her age, size, and developmental level. Two of my coworkers are having babies at work. They are both around 20weeks. They send emails to all about the sex of their babies and updates, Ughhhhhhh! I am happy for them but inside I just want to crawl under a rock. When will it stop??? When will I stop hoping? When will I stop trying? I am so sick of this! Sorry to be whinning, again! I really just don't know anymore. I feel so lost. Thanks for listening!

Raquel
Mom to triplet angels: Sophia, Steven Jr. & Xavier b/d 25w4d (11/26/06, & Sweet baby Joseph (11/14/07-11/14/07)
Eliana Grace-God has answered
Born 4/03/09

Raquel --

I know how devastating that BFN is. I really understand the lost feeling.

We ended up in the process of adopting and TTC simultaneously -- we figured we'd have a better shot of at least one of the processes working out. I think it helped me to be less worried about each as I had a lot of stuff to do to work on the other (paperwork for adoption, shots and such for the TTC).

I wish I could guarantee that this will end. I wish I could tell you when.

I am sending you my hope -- and my permission (which you don't need-- at all) to vent about it all you want to -- no apologies necessary.

Be easy on yourself and DH -- and hang in there!!

Sending thoughts of peace.

Steff

^West Rogers^, ^Keaton Edward^, ^Rebecca Joy^ 1/6/04



Missing their sister ^Maria Jose^ 4/7/04-5/10/04

You are so encouraging. I have been standing in my own way when it comes to adoption, I think I've been telling myself I start the process then I'm giving up. But, I'm starting to realize, I'm standing in the way of a blessing waiting to happen, even if I continue to try. Thank you so much for the encouragement.

Raquel
Mom to triplet angels: Sophia, Steven Jr. & Xavier b/d 25w4d (11/26/06, & Sweet baby Joseph (11/14/07-11/14/07)
Eliana Grace-God has answered
Born 4/03/09

Raquel,

You have been thru so much. I don't know when Enough is Enough, but try to keep the Faith. You are definately a strong woman to endure what you have. And you are so not whining. You are a grieving mama who has been thru hell. Share those feelings as much as you need to & want to.

I wish I could just give you a hug. I'm so sorry you are going thru this. I will pray for you.

Check us out at:
http://thewrighttrips.blogspot.com/

Isabel, Jasper & Jonah were born on July 1, 2006

And my twin angels in heaven ~
Olivia Layne - 2/13/05
Elijah Cain - 2/13/05

Raquel:

In addition to looking into adoption, I would also consider using a surrogate. You have not had a problem getting pregnant, so there does not appear to be any problem with your fetuses. If you don't have a family member willing to help, perhaps there is somebody else who would be willing to? I would personally help you if I could, but I would be a lousy candidate for this -- went into a complete ovarian failure when I delivered my triplets... Still, if you're interested in my help, I would definitely be willing to attempt this for you. I'm sure that there are other people who would also be willing to help out.

Love,
Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://b3.lilypie.com/bDA

Hi Cat,

I so wish we could do surrogacy since my niece is willing to carry our baby. We looked into it and the cost is too much for us. Housing prices have gone so low that the equity we have in our house is not enough to cover the cost for the whole process plus cost for my niece to have the baby cause it wouldn't be covered under our's or her ins. plus in state of Ca. we would have to adopt our own child/ren. And at my age our endo. told us we would have a less then 50% chance. I don't know of any resources to help us with the process but it just doesn't seem to be an option, like we had hoped. Just another blow to the gut! We have one more try and then our ins. cuts us off and we will either have to pay full cost or stop trying. I don't know if fate is telling us enough is enough. I'm very discouraged. Thanks so much for listening.

Raquel
Mom to triplet angels: Sophia, Steven Jr. & Xavier b/d 25w4d (11/26/06, & Sweet baby Joseph (11/14/07-11/14/07)
Eliana Grace-God has answered
Born 4/03/09

Okay. Let's start with the obvious:

1. You have someone willing to carry for you.
2. Assist your niece in acquiring a health insurance plan -- be sure it includes hospitalization and probably be sure it is a PPO.
3. Also, if it is a PPO, is likely has coverage for about $3,000.00 in infertility treatments. Get her signed up with your infertility specialist for her "treatments."
4. You'll need an attorney to prepare the contracts and to finalize the adoption. But, of course, you already have a friend who was willing to try to be a surrogate for you -- how much simpler to prepare and file documents??

Perhaps fate is simply telling you to simplify rather than complicate? Perhaps fate is telling you to hold onto the equity in your house...

Send me a pm and we'll talk about this some more, okay? I'd love to hear the other reasons why surrogacy would cost so much. Perhaps I'm misunderstanding something -- although I doubt this.

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://b3.lilypie.com/bDA

Hi Cat,

I don't have your IM info.
I don't know if you or anyone knows different but my Endo. informed me that Insurance co. do not cover surrogacy or pregnancy cost due to surrogacy and if we tried to say it was her own birth and they find out which he stated is very likely due to having to adopt our own child/ren then we would have to pay full cost (not to mention possible fraud charges) of delivery, sonograms, labs, etc. Also for her to do IVF would cost from 7k-12k for medications, labs, ultrasounds, implantation etc. Further the cost for myself to do IVF would be the same not covered by my insurance. In addition any costs for multiples if it happens and the cost for adoption paperwork. All of which is beyond our means. I would love to sell my house and live in apartment to do it but with housing prices, I don't think we would get enough to cover the whole thing. Then our Endo told us that at my age our chances are about 40% that it will work!!!! When my niece said she would carry our baby. I thought that's it we can do it. It just doesn't seem to possible now. I don't know if anyone else knows of insurance that we can buy to cover it all. If anyone does I'd love to know. I admit I know very little about the whole process and feel pretty hopeless at this point. I have one more shot throuh my endo and then I am cut off. I'm hoping this last try works but who knows.

Thanks so much.

Raquel
Mom to triplet angels: Sophia, Steven Jr. & Xavier b/d 25w4d (11/26/06, & Sweet baby Joseph (11/14/07-11/14/07)
Eliana Grace-God has answered
Born 4/03/09

Your endo may, or may not, know what he's talking about.

For example, I know for a fact that if you were a resident of Illinois, no matter where your neice lived, all of her treatments would be covered completely under your insurance. And, her own insurance policy would cover her pregnancy. Period.

If you'd like me to research this for you, send me a PM. I'd be happy to help.

Keep your chin up, okay?

Oh, and btw, if she already has her own existing insurance, why wouldn't it cover her pregnancy? 'Hmmmmmmm...

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://b3.lilypie.com/bDA

Hi Cat,

Yeah, if you find any resources I would love to know about them. I have checked on line about surrogacy and costs are similar plus cost for the surrogate. My Endo. is the head of infertility through Kaiser P. and he is part of the team at Loma Linda (which is a teaching hospital in Loma Linda, CA) for IVF treatment and does surrogacy so, I'm taking his information as truth. I wish we had access to that kind of money. The market for houses in CA has dipped so much we may have about half of the cost but we also have to consider the possibility of it not working with just a 40% chance. I think if our chances were higher we would find a way, ask family etc. I'm just getting to the point where I think I am accepting that we may not have any of our own children. I'm thinking we may just be a childless couple here on earth. I don't even think I have it me to adopt. I'm giving up.

Raquel
Mom to triplet angels: Sophia, Steven Jr. & Xavier b/d 25w4d (11/26/06, & Sweet baby Joseph (11/14/07-11/14/07)
Eliana Grace-God has answered
Born 4/03/09

Raquel:

I gave birth at LLUMC, and I live about 20 minutes from you.

If you have someone willing to serve as a surrogate, you're well on your way. Let me do some more checking for you, okay?

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://b3.lilypie.com/bDA

Oh, wow we are close. That is awesome. I would really appreciate any help in researching. I have one more try through Kaiser and then my insurance won't pay. So, that is it. We are at a dead end. So, I really appreciate your support and help. Thank you so much. You can email me at 1234angels@live.com

Raquel
Mom to triplet angels: Sophia, Steven Jr. & Xavier b/d 25w4d (11/26/06, & Sweet baby Joseph (11/14/07-11/14/07)
Eliana Grace-God has answered
Born 4/03/09

Just as I suspected, your doctor is not altogether right. If a woman has medical insurance coverage that covers her pregnancy, there are still a lot of medical carriers out that that simply cover "pregnancy," without regard to how that pregnancy was conceived and/or whether the child/children are the intended children of the woman who is bearing them.

To make an accurate determination, I would need to review a copy of your niece's medical insurance plan so that I could review it. Let's face it: If she coincidentally became pregnant by accident and was carrying the baby and then giving it up for adoption, there would be no greater obligations upon the insurance carrier than if she is carrying it for someone else by design. It is certainly unclear to me why anyone should be allowed to discriminate under those circumstances.

Go ahead and let's find out (a) whether your niece is on board; (b) what coverage she has; and, (c) what the additional costs would be to get her synced up with your cycle. Oh, and I'll just shoot you a PM so we can talk. I'll help you in any way that I can.

Fondly,
Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://b3.lilypie.com/bDA