Today I was doing pretty good. I have been so much better lately. But I got to work and the first email I received was about a BABY SHOWER! My co-worker who is in the office next to mine is due in Oct. I've been avoiding her as much as possible. Some days she is just too insistent on coming in my office and chatting. I look at her and wish I was due in October. But no such luck. Did my last treatment of infertility. I will find out by next week. I'm done. After this no more trying. I don't want to do surrogacy anymore, I'm just ready to move on with my life. I'm so scared that I will change again and be on the floor emotionally again. But lately, I've been doing so much better. I don't know if the doc. saying I can't try anymore due to insurance coverage has made me snap out of my frenzy. I just think I'm ready to just accept that my babies are gone and I won't see them again until its my time to be in heaven! I can't wait for that day! But until then, I am so trying to just live for today. I think I am going to take the day off on the day of the baby shower. I am not doing so well that I can handle that one. Maybe I'm just writing this to reinforce my thoughts of letting go. I don't know, but just wanted to share my feelings. Thanks for always being here.

Raquel
Mom to triplet angels: Sophia, Steven Jr. & Xavier b/d 25w4d (11/26/06, & Sweet baby Joseph (11/14/07-11/14/07)
Eliana Grace-God has answered
Born 4/03/09

Raquel,

Baby showers are so tough, I think we all have earned a "get out of baby shower" free card for life. It is so hard to feel that yearning of just wanting to be pregnant like someone else.

It sounds like you are making the right decisions for you and are feeling okay about whatever may happen in the future. That is all you can do, just have faith in yourself and whatever you decide.

I think I have been too needy to be of much support yet but hope to be able to listen and offer support whenever I can.

Jessica
Mom to Parker, McKenna, ^Hadley^ born 10/9/07 28w5d
little brother Sawyer
and big sister Ashlyn
www.fourplusanangel.com