There is no break from pain this month. Today I woke up at 2am crying missing my triplets, thinking about how I never got to hold all three together and didn't get to kiss them all over their faces and tickle them on their birthday! I just can't believe its been two years. Everything I have missed. Yesterday was our 13th wedding anniversary and it didn't even matter cause I could think of was my triplets. I look at picture of them right after they were born and they were so beautiful and perfect. Those are the only memories I have, singing to them at NICU, reading them a book about three bears asking their mother who she loves most. I have video of me doing these things in the nicu. Its just heart breaking. Every year for the rest of my life, Thanksgiving will always have such a mixed meaning. Giving thanks??? I just want to go to the cemetery and lay on the ground to be close to them. I know that sounds crazy, but that's really what I long to do. On Monday,I was at the hospital due to belly pain and my sister-in-law took me. We were talking about my triplets and this pregnancy and she brought up her cousin who has triplets. I told her I am sorry but I don't want to hear about how well they are doing. I'm not ready, especially knowing that throughout my preg. with trips. She kept telling me what I should be doing, but I listend to my _ _ _hole doctor instead. Plus, last week I lost it with my MIL, after telling her I was so sad missing my babies on baby Joseph's b-day. She told me, "we need to move on and look to the future." I was so angry, I told her I would never forget them and never just pretend like they never happened, that what she wants to "Just move forward". She also said she "Commended" me for trying again, but that it was hard to understand. Like I need her commendations!She is terrible and I am so glad I am on bedrest and don't have to go over with them for the holiday's like I forced myself to do last year. Sorry, just needed to vent again! Not such a Happy Thanksgiving, but I am going to try and think about my little one inside and be grateful for still being pregnant this week. lot's of love,

Raquel
Mom to triplet angels: Sophia, Steven Jr. & Xavier b/d 25w4d (11/26/06, & Sweet baby Joseph (11/14/07-11/14/07)
Eliana Grace-God has answered
Born 4/03/09

Raquel,

I am so sorry you are having a tough time and have to go through the 2nd birthday of your triplets without them here. It is so unfair that you have to endure all that you have. I'm sorry that your family isn't understanding. I am convinced that no one who hasn't been through it understands, even if they try. I keep hoping that someone will understand or atleast acknowledge the pain but it never happens.

How far along are you now? I think about you often and hope that the rest of your pregnancy goes well.

Jessica
Mom to Parker, McKenna, ^Hadley^ born 10/9/07 28w5d
little brother Sawyer
and big sister Ashlyn
www.fourplusanangel.com

I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you on this difficult day. There are no words that I could say that would make you feel better. It is a hard day and a hard month for you. I just wanted to let you know that you are thought of. I wanted to let you know I care. I am angry for what you have gone through. I am sad for you. I have no idea how you feel because I have not been in your exact situation but I am truely sorry.
Just try to breath through the hard times. Try not to think of it as I am going to make it through this day, when it gets hard say OK I am going to make it through the next 5 minutes.
If there is anything I can do just email me!

Brooke

Thank you so much for the supportive words. they mean the world to me. I am 18 weeks now and am trying to focus on this little one inside. I was so blessed on my triplets b-day when I went to the cemetery and to my suprise was a huge floral arrangement from some of my dear friends at work. Not one of my family members remembered their birthday, no call from my MIL. But my work family remembered, to me that was amazing. I will always remember my triplets and their short lives lived on this earth. I will continue to celebrate their beauty by speaking their name and keeping their pictures near. I will never forget them. You all are so right, unless someone has been through such a loss, they just do not understand. Staying strong!!! Big, Big, hug

Raquel
Mom to triplet angels: Sophia, Steven Jr. & Xavier b/d 25w4d (11/26/06, & Sweet baby Joseph (11/14/07-11/14/07)
Eliana Grace-God has answered
Born 4/03/09

Raquel:

Honey I am so sorry for the pain you have endured this month. And, I'm glad that November is now over.

It is wonderful to hear that you are at 18 weeks now. Please stay in bed and comfort yourself now. The anniversaries are past, and by Christmas, you will be at 22 weeks. I know that Christmas will be another difficult time, but once you've passed that, you should be alright until your little one arrives.

I know that she will not replace your other children -- nor, should she. People who have not experienced the loss have no idea how horrible they sound to us. But, I know that you will be comforted holding her and singing to her and reading to her. I pray that all goes well, and please give me a call if you should need anything. I am nearby and I am here for you.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

http://b3.lilypie.com/bDA

Raquel, I have been thinking of you during these difficult times... I´m so sorry you have to go through this...

I think this is better said than done because I´m still working on this, but try (try) to ignore the insensitivity of people around you. I have come to think that people try to "comfort" us by saying the most hurtful things ever, but they don´t know how hurtful they can be because they have no idea what it is to loose a child, let alone 4 for you.

I have been blessed to have had 2 grief counselors who have understood my pain, since both of them also lost children (my first one had twins and one of his little girls passed away at birth, and my second and current one, lost her 28 yr. son). They have helped me to cope with the pain, through their own experiences. I pray that you can find someone, an angel as I know that God has sent me these grief counselors, in your way to help you through these difficult times.

You are always in my prayers,

Monique
Mom to 26.5wk triplets, born 09/14/06
^Nicole^
^Daniel^
Nathalie

I'm sorry Raquel, I am so glad your work family remembered your babies (how thoughtful of them) and am glad for you that you are on bedrest.

Thinking of you, your babies above, and your bun in the oven. You are so full of love for your children, it is moving.

I am sorry for your MIL being so insensitive.


Marie

I'm sorry Raquel, I am so glad your work family remembered your babies (how thoughtful of them) and am glad for you that you are on bedrest.

Thinking of you, your babies above, and your bun in the oven. You are so full of love for your children, it is moving.

I am sorry for your MIL being so insensitive.


Marie

Raquel and other so. cal moms who have suffered a loss. We lost our little girl on March 4, 2004 and we have attended the candle light ceremony at the Angel of Hope http://www.careandkindness.org/angelofhope/service.htm. The Angel of Hope is the only Angel monument in Southern California. The ceremony is this Saturday. If you are looking for a place to honor your little ones this is the place to do it.

Deborah Mom to BBB Born at 25 Weeks 1 Day

Austin 1 lb 8 oz
Braedon 1 lb 11 oz
Caysen 1 lb 13 oz