Although I am officially a new member, I have felt like a part of the group for some time. I have been visiting the bereaved parent forum for quite some time. I am always amazed by the strenth, courage and support by all of you!I too am a triplet mom of BGB born at 30 weeks 1 day when baby a's water broke. I was on bedrest for 10 weeks in premature labor on several meds to keep my contractions under control. I had funneling at 19 weeks to 1cm. I spent a lot of time in the emergency room but made it to 30 weeks! no one ever thought I would make it that far and I believed I was "safe." all three babies were born doing well. baby c ended up developing repiratory problems that they weren't expecting. He would have good days and bad. My son Benjamin (baby c) ended up passing away after 16 long days. This was a culmination of all of the terrible things that had happened over the previous few years trying to have a baby. I still cry a lot although it is better. I replay everyting that happened still every day and what I could have done differetly, I blame myself for some of this because I let my guard down at 30 weeks believing everything would be ok. I had heard a statistic that it's virtually 100% that a baby will survive at that gestation. My other two are doing well and will be 4 in april. Anyway, thank you all for the support over the last couple of years. I look foward to meeting new friends who understand.

Dana

Im so sorry for the loss of your sweet Benjamin...the blame is part of the grievance I think, since we need to understand what happened, and when we dont find answers, we blame ourselfs, when really, we didnt have any control over it... I blamed myself for such a long time, to the extent I said I wasnt worthy of happiness, of pleasure of anything, not even looking good, so I didnt even try to look good or do anything for me. However, I went to therapy for a year maybe and I have learned how to grieve and how to manage my pain... Have you gone to any therapist? I dont know how I would be without it!

I will be thinking about you,

Monique
Mom to 26.5wk triplets, born 09/14/06
^Nicole^
^Daniel^
Nathalie

thank you. I didn't go to therapy, I probably should have because it was very difficult in the beginning. I think I am only still standing because of my family and faith. I was very depressed for quite some time. I still have a very intense fear that something will happen to one of my others. I thought how could this happen after all we'd been through?! I am so sorry for you loss too. I have found great comfort for you and the others in this site!

Dana,

I have no advice because I am new to all of this. But I do understand how hard it is too loose a baby in the NICU. I just wanted you to know I am sorry for your loss of little Benjamin.

Hugs...

www.havingtriplets.blogspot.com
www.thisisourLONGjourney.blogspot.com

Cathi

Our Precious Angels
^Raiden Landon^(B/D 10/17/08) 22wks
^Ryker London^(11/12/08-11/22/08)25w5d
^Gwyneth Bella^(11/12/08-12/1/08)25w5d

Megyn Velynda born 12/08/09 @ 35w 4 day

Thanks Cathi. I am sorry for you loss too. You have helped so many others with your constant encouragement and support.

Hi Dana!

I am so glad to meet you. I also felt like you when we hit 27. I thought the odds were in our favor. It turned out that the boys were over 1 pound smaller than what the ultrasounds were showing. I often wonder what would have happened if I could have just held out longer...even a day longer. Hunter lived four days and it was as if time stood still that week.

I have learned from all the veteran moms here that despite the time that has passed, the loss of Benjamin is like a scab that while it might look healed, can be picked off at a moment's notice. (I'm the queen of analogies). I am also learning that this is normal and ok.

I am glad you are here. You guys give me courage and strength.

Karen
Mom to Patrick, William, and our Angel Hunter
7-14-08

Karen
Mom to Patrick, William, and our Angel Hunter
7-14-08

Karen,

It is so nice to meet you too. It is so nice to communicate with someone who understands. I think sometimes people look at me as if I crazy because I always say surviving triplets or I include Benjamin in everything. I think your analogy is right on target because there are some days I think I am doing fine and others that I just can't stop crying. This year we sent out the christmas cards with my surviving two standing at the fireplace with all three stockings with their names hanging and I love it! My daugher's name is Olivia and I sign over the second "i" a symbol "v" which is angel wings for Benjamin so I am signing all three names. we also buy an ornament every year with all three.

I have been scared to join for so long but it feels great to be able to talk to such a wonderful supportive group!

Dana

Dana,

I am so sorry for your loss of Benjamin - but am glad that you've introduced yourself. I have to run but wanted to express my condolences & say hello.

Marie

thanks Marie!