Now that my two survivors are set to turn one on Monday, I thought it was high time that I introduced myself on this board.

Last March 2nd I gave birth to three beautiful baby boys, Alex, Jack and Evan at 26 weeks. My pregnancy was smooth sailing for the first 23 weeks, then hit a bumpy road with funneling, contractions, etc. I was hospitalized and hopped up on plenty of mag and terbutaline, but the boys could not wait to make their entrance into the world.

They were all doing relatively well until the third day when my husband and I came back from lunch only to find out that Alex had a level four brain bleed. That was just the beginning of his troubles and he died when he was four days old. Thankfully my daughter and my parents were able to spend time with Alex too before he died.

After 3.5 months in the hospital Jack and Evan came home. By some miracle they have no ongoing complications from having been born so early, although I realize that could change. They are delightful little boys who bring me much joy every day.

I find myself thinking increasingly of Alex. Every once in awhile the room feels so empty without him – I see where his Boppy would be on the floor or I can feel the hole where he would fit on my lap with his brothers. I’ve always been sad about his death but lately it has really been kicking my butt at times.

I’ve gotten a lot of comfort from reading all of your posts and hearing your stories. I just really couldn’t deal with posting my story until now. I guess it’s a club I never wanted to part of, but I’m glad to know I’m not alone.

Allison

Mom to:
Madeline 09/2001
Jack, Evan & ^Alex^ 03/02/2008 @ 26 weeks

Allison,

I'm glad you were able to post. I am so sorry about your little Alex. We past our first year in October and although it was very difficult, we picked some special things to do to honor our daughter on the day she passed and it was very cathartic to spend a day only on her and her memory. The first birthday was tough as well, very bittersweet. I wish you lots of strength to get through the upcoming week. The ladies here are amazing, I hope you find as much support as I have.

Jessica
Mom to Parker, McKenna, ^Hadley^ born 10/9/07 28w5d
little brother Sawyer
and big sister Ashlyn
www.fourplusanangel.com

I think alot of it has to do with their birthday tomorrow. Preston Maddie and our Angel Hayden will be 3 next week and I cry everyday.
I know this is why Im so down latley their b-days and holidays do it to me. It does get better with time.


Grandma to 24 weekers
Preston, Madison and Hayden
Hayden got his wings May 15 07
only 14 months old

Allison,

I am so sorry for you loss of little Alex. It took me three years to post. It gave me great comfort to read the posts but I cried every time. I felt so bad for everyone. It also was too painful for me to share my story. I have shared some of my story, my son also passed away after 16 days. My survivors are also doing well with no issues. I still cry often but find great support from this site. I just had an incident at work on Friday where someone called my two the "t" word and I corrected her. Then when I explained to the other person why I did that, I got tearful. I was so embarrassed because I don't do that at work often. Anyway, I tell you that because it will get easier but the hurt will always remain and surface sometimes when you least expect it. You can always come here for support or for us to just listen.

thinking about you at this birthday anniversary. We always include Benjamin at Birthday and other holidays, actually all of the time. I talk to my kids about him all of the time and have picuters of him. We celebrate all three of their births! Will say a special prayer for you and your family.

Dana

Dana

Jacob, Olivia, Benjamin
30 weeks 1 day

Im so sorry for the loss of your precious Alex. No parent should endure loosing a child, it is the most painful thing i have ever gone through. My triplets were also born at 26 wks, and two of them passed away. One of my triplets also had a massive grade IV brain bleed, the worst my NICU had ever seen, he passed away 5 days after he was born. My other triple angel died 15 d after their birth, caused by so many complications. My surviving triplet also had a very rough time, but she is doing great now.

I think birthdays, especially their first birthday is soo hard... For their first birthday I did a mass on their birthday and celebrated Nathalie´s birthday the next day. I didn´t think it was fair for Nathalie to celebrate her birthday on a day that was so sad for me, I wanted to be happy, thankful for the wonderful year she had and how hard she worked during that year to survive, she deserved a happy day.

I think it has gotten better since their first birthday, I read the other day something that made some kind of sense to me, "The pain is still there, but it doesn´t hurt as much". I can only attribute this to therapy and God´s work, He has sent beautiful angels my way to help me grieve. I think about them everyday, but Im able to enjoy the life that I have now.

I wish the same for you,
(((hugs)))))

Monique
Mom to 26.5wk triplets, born 09/14/06
^Nicole^
^Daniel^
Nathalie