Hi,

I am new to this section of Triplet Connection. We lost our little June (Bugsy) on Monday....she was 6 1/2 months old. She was readmitted to Children's Hospital (where I work as a nurse)for a bad cold 6 weeks ago where we expected her to be for a week or so on oxygen and albuterol treatments. What we thought was going to be a short stay turned into our worst nightmare. She ended up in the PICU on an oscillator and almost died there. But somehow she made it through and was transferred to the NICU for her recovery. She was doing great! She was alternating between a nasal cannula and CPAP and in low oxygen and alert. She started having fevers and her heart rate was elevated on Sunday morning. Even though she had a heart defect (AV canal), everyone thought she would be ok. Her fever subsided and all of her labs were normal....no blood infection or UTI...lytes were normal....blood gas was normal. We left her Sunday evening to have a date night since grandma and grandpa were watching Lucy and Harry. She was sleeping comfortably after I gave her a bath and a massage and dad and I left feeling good. The next thing I knew, we were thowing the babies in the car at 4 am because they were coding her. I ran up to the 3rd floor and looked in her isolation room and I didn't see a ventilator and her monitor was turned off. Her nurse was holding her and everyone was silent. I collapsed and screamed. I know everyone there because this is the place that I work. Everyone in the unit was in tears. Her doctor was in tears. How did this happen???? No one knows. Her heart stopped suddenly and they couldn't get her back. This makes no sense to me. I am numb. I am devastated. I have these two beautiful babies at home that I am so thankful for. How do I do this? This is my second loss in 1 1/2 years. I can't do this again. I don't want the flowers. I don't want the cards or the phone calls. I don't want to plan another memorial service. I don't any of it. I want my baby!

Thank you for listening to my story.

Andrea

<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Premature Baby tickers" /></a>

<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="" width="400" height="80"

Andrea, I am so so sorry for you and your family. I too am struggling with a recent loss, so all I can do is cry for you and tell you to keep writing here. The women here are so sweet and supportive and will offer you advice and compassion like no other forum can. It may take a little time for everyone to write back to you but when they do its wonderful. I am sorry that you have to come here, but glad that you did. Hugs, Nan

Nan~
In loving memory of my beautiful girls:
^Shelby Lee^, ^Megan Aimee^ and ^Lynne Barbara^,
March 6, 2009, born at 20 weeks, 0 days.
http://rememberingourtripletangels.blogspot.com/
http://forumforgrievingdads.com/

Andrea,

I am so sorry for both your losses. It is so hard to grasp why we have to go through this. Why we keep getting thrown these stupid curve balls I will never understand. I wish I had the magic words to make it all better, but we all know nothing makes it better, but to have are babies here. Much love...

Rachel - mother of four...forever
^Jaxon^ (3/2/07-5/29/07)
^Courtney^ (3/2/07-3/8/07)
^Colin^ (3/2/07-3/8/07)
23 weeks 6 days
www.tripletbutterflywings.blogspot.com
www.themcconathys.blogspot.com
Kenzington Rae 12/26/08
Born at 36 weeks after 5 months of

Oh and I wanted to add...don't be hurt by the high number of views on this thread vs the low responses. We have a lot of lurkers from the other board who probably want to respond, but don't want to intrude. It took me awhile to figure this out for myself.

Rachel - mother of four...forever
^Jaxon^ (3/2/07-5/29/07)
^Courtney^ (3/2/07-3/8/07)
^Colin^ (3/2/07-3/8/07)
23 weeks 6 days
www.tripletbutterflywings.blogspot.com
www.themcconathys.blogspot.com
Kenzington Rae 12/26/08
Born at 36 weeks after 5 months of

I am sorry for you loss. A loss of a baby is even harder when no one knows why.

Our little angel
^Alex Joseph^ (11-4/11-5)
Brennan Matthew
Christian Jacob

"
Big brother Justin 8

Andrea,

I am so so sorry for the loss of June and for the loss of Charlie. All of this just seems so unfair, too much pain for one person to have to take. You and your family with be in my thoughts as I know the upcoming days will be extremely difficult. Please turn to this board whenever you need to, the women here have helped me through my roughest days.

If you are interested, we also started a thread at the top of the board titled "face to face support" which lists where we all live. If anyone is near you please let us know, I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say that we would come and do whatever you may need even if it is just a shoulder to cry on.

Take care

Jessica
Mom to Parker, McKenna, ^Hadley^ born 10/9/07 28w5d
little brother Sawyer
and big sister Ashlyn
www.fourplusanangel.com

Andrea,

Please know that when you hurt we all hurt, I am sitting here in tears wishing I could take some of your pain..(((HUGS))))

www.havingtriplets.blogspot.com
www.thisisourLONGjourney.blogspot.com

Cathi

Our Precious Angels
^Raiden Landon^(B/D 10/17/08) 22wks
^Ryker London^(11/12/08-11/22/08)25w5d
^Gwyneth Bella^(11/12/08-12/1/08)25w5d

Megyn Velynda born 12/08/09 @ 35w 4 day

Andrea,

I am so very sorry. My heart just hurts for you.

Marie

Andrea,

I am so sorry for your loss. How horrible to have to go through losing a child again, and what a shock this must have been. I will be thinking about you.

Allison

Mom to:
Madeline 09/2001
Jack, Evan & ^Alex^ 03/02/2008 @ 26 weeks

Iīm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Bugsy... this is the worst pain anyone can endure. There are no words of comfort that anyone can say to make you feel better, just know that we understand what you are going through and we are here for you if you need to vent, talk, cry, whatever you feel like doing, we understand.


When I lost my babies, I didnīt want any of the things you mention, I couldnt speak to anyone, I didnt want to see anyone... It helped that I was far far away from home, so I could bury myself... However, in retrospect, I think it wouldīve been so much better, because when I came home no one ever said anything to me... I guess they thought that since I didnt want to talk about it when it happened, I didnt want to talk about it at all... I felt so hurt that no one acknoweledged my babies, no one mentions them, its like it never happened.

You and sweet Bugsy will be in my prayers..

Monique
Mom to 26.5wk triplets, born 09/14/06
^Nicole^
^Daniel^
Nathalie

Andrea,

I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart is broken for you and your family. Losing a child is like nothing else in the world. My arms still ache to hold my Zoe who I lost last year at 14 months old...similar to your daughter she had been in the hospital for 5 days for the flu and pneumonia which she recovered from and actually came home. We only had her home for a day and a half before rushing her back to the ER due to increasing O2 requirements. She stabilized around noon that day until about 6pm when she started steadily declining. She died the next morning at 9:50 am after coding twice while we were with her. I am here is you need to vent or talk or cry or scream or whatever. The pain is so raw and so deep (as you unfortunately already know). Just know that I am here. Feel free to email me off the message board if you'd like and if you want to read more about our journey this last year our blog is http://3sorrells.blogspot.com.

The shock and numbness didn't begin to fade for months...and many times I still look up at Zoe's pictures or watch our videos of her and I'm not sure which is harder to believe that she did actually live in our house or that she is actually gone.

My prayers of peace, comfort, and healing will be ongoing for you and your family.

Keira
mom to Avery, Lily, and angel Zoe
born 25w 5d, Zoe passed at 14 months

Andrea,

I am so sorry for your losses. I lost my little one about 4 weeks before delivery and that was so hard. To lose a baby that you have held and cared for must be a tremendous grief. Peace to you.

Lisa
Mom to

BB 03/05/1997 34 weeks, 2 days
Dean Thomas 4 lbs 14.5 oz
Owen Andrew 4 lbs 8 oz

BG^B^ 09/29/2007 33 weeks, 1 day
Trey Samuel 4 lbs 1 oz
Marley Carol 4 lbs 15 oz
and our stillborn angel, Brody Brendan, 11 ounces

I am heartbroken for you. I know there's nothing anyone can say to help. There really are no words, I'm so so sorry...

Oh Andrea, I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you and your little baby girl June. No one should have to endure such pain. Please know that we will all be praying for you and your family.

Dana

Jacob, Olivia, Benjamin
30 weeks 1 day

I am so sorry. I wish that there was more that I could say or do. I am just so sorry that you are going through this.

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.
It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

Andrea,

Heartfelt condolences to you and your family. I am just devastated for you. May comfort fill the many prayers that surround you.

Andrea

Mom to triplet angels born too soon on March 30, 2007 @ 21w6d
^Oliver Jonathan^
^Avery Lauren^
^Thomas Andrew^

and blessed with Benjamin Reilly on April 8, 2008 @ 39wks
8lb 1oz