Hey everyone, I need some serious encouragement/reassurance right now. I posted awhile ago about my SIL wedding that is on the same day of Hunter's first Angelversary. It is coming up on the 18th. She had wanted me to be a bridesmaid but I totally hemmed and hawed and never got the dress, so she got the message and finally told me that if it would be too much for me, that she understood if I didn't want to be in the ceremony. I took her up on the offer. So, now I am just a "guest". That is a load off my mind, but I am really starting to get anxious about the whole thing. I thought my parents were coming but they are not. I will know no one at this wedding since I have really never met Paul's family except for MIL, FIL, BIL and SIL. I don't want to make a spectacle of myself. The boys are the only kids that will be at the wedding/reception. Our hotel is over an hour away so I can't just go hang out in my room if I get overwhelmed. I have no game plan, no strategy.

Their first birthday is on the 14th and I can't even get excited about it since I'm totally dwelling on the 18th. Is this normal? I haven't been "bra shopping" in a long time so I am coming to you guys for your wisdom and perspective.

Since this week seems to be the anniversary of just about everything in my life, I also wanted to say to everyone on this board have special you all have become to me. I honestly believe I would not have made it without you guys. I hope in some small way I will be able to give to others as much as you guys have given to me.

Love you guys!

Karen
Mom to Patrick, William, and our Angel Hunter
7-14-08

Karen,

I am so sorry you are going through this. Logan and I have made a huge effort this year to only do things we WANT to do. We have upset family and friends. It is important that you only go if you and your DH want to go. If it is going to cause you to be upset then you need to skip it and send a nice gift. I have had to work very hard in therapy to get to the point I can tell my family NO. They are not used to it and I have met with resistance, but you need to do what makes you happy. If going to a wedding will be a distraction for you then go, if you need to celebrate the day with just you, then don't go. What ever you decide make sure it is for you. The bride and groom are going to have a ton of people there to keep the occupied,

Good luck to you, we will all be here to help your decision.

Love Cathi

www.havingtriplets.blogspot.com
www.thisisourLONGjourney.blogspot.com

Cathi

Our Precious Angels
^Raiden Landon^(B/D 10/17/08) 22wks
^Ryker London^(11/12/08-11/22/08)25w5d
^Gwyneth Bella^(11/12/08-12/1/08)25w5d

Megyn Velynda born 12/08/09 @ 35w 4 day

Karen,
I totally second what Cathi is saying. You need to talk to DH and seriously discuss whether you both really want to go. Don't go out of pure obligation, that is not fair to yourself and DH. It is hard to say no when we've been doing things to please our families all our lives, but sometimes it is what we need to do to take care of ourselves. (I've also had a lot of hours in therapy to realize this!)

You've been through so much and you deserve to take care of YOU on your angel's day. Let us know how we can help support you.

Love,
Heather
Mom to Alex, ^Ari^ & Zoi

You are right, that IS a lot to pack into one week. I found that the days leading up to the first birthday were the worst and the actual birthday and then a few days later the anniversary of Alex's death were really not so bad. I was so worried that I wasn't going to make it through their party without being hysterical but there was enough chaos and distraction to divert my attention when people were around. Having said that, I did try to keep a low profile that week because I just didn't know what I was going to need.

I agree with Cathi, saying no is an option. It might not be a popular one with your husband's family, but at least you have the perfect excuse to not go at all or get out quick if needed with little ones in tow.

Keep us posted, vent as needed!

Allison

Mom to:
Madeline 09/2001
Jack, Evan & ^Alex^ 03/02/2008 @ 26 weeks

I completely agree. Skipping the even may be the best thing. Its hard caue our guilt of wanting to please people and not wanting to upset anyone is always stopping us from doing what is best. I had a friend who got married in Nov. the worst month of the year for me. The birthday of my triplets and baby Joseph and I didn't go. She hasn't spoken to me since but I couldn't go. Sometimes you just need to do what will make you sane. ON the otherhand, you may be able to get through part of it and leave when you start to feel overwhelmed. Most people are very understanding but if not. Oh, it will be sad but life will go on. Good luck and big hug.

Raquel
Mom to triplet angels: Sophia, Steven Jr. & Xavier b/d 25w4d (11/26/06, & Sweet baby Joseph (11/14/07-11/14/07)
Eliana Grace-God has answered
Born 4/03/09

Hi Karen,

I agree with everyone, I think you should do what's right for you. I think everyone will understand if you don't feel up to going. We will all be thinking about you during this difficult time.

Dana

Jacob, Olivia, Benjamin
30 weeks 1 day

This is a very difficult decision, and a very personal one.. it is best to do what you feel comfortable with doing...

The first year is the hardest... I remember I couldnt even celebrate Nathalieīs birthday on the 14th (their actual birthday) because I was so sad I wasnt having 3 cakes! So I had it on the 15th and it was a very happy day. My first angelversary for Daniel was on the 19th, and one of my best friendsīs baby was born that day, and I couldnt even call to say congratulations. However, on the 20th I was ok and went to visit her.

I think that the thought of doing something else on their special day, is harder than actually doing it. However, you have to do what you feel best... If you think it is not fair on Hunter (I know its not that way, but I felt It was not fair for my babies to do something else on their birthday or angelversary), donīt go, donīt do it...

I will be thinking of you during this special week...

Monique
Mom to 26.5wk triplets, born 09/14/06
^Nicole^
^Daniel^
Nathalie

Thank you guys so much for your thoughtful responses. We live in Florida and the wedding is in Connecticut so I have been hanging out with my family in Maine. We have had a good time. I had a long talk with Paul and made sure we were on the same page with this wedding. I want to go and have a good time, I don't want to set myself up for failure, but at the same time, I want an exit strategy. He agrees that we can leave at any time. We have had an offer for someone to take the boys, but I just can't fathom not being with them that day...we haven't left them with anyone but my mom and this is a woman I don't know. I would be a wreck about that any day, but especially on Hunter's day. We talked to my in laws tonight and I found out that I am not expected to be there at all before the wedding. Thank goodness. I also asked Paul to reiterate how hard this is for us and not to be offended/upset by either of our actions the week we will be there. I also wanted them to realize that it isn't just Hunter's day...it is also the days before that will be hard. Our relationship has been tenuous since the babies were born, so I'm just worried that they won't get it. I wish I knew someone in the area so I could just get away if I needed to.

Anyone in CT????

Karen
Mom to Patrick, William, and our Angel Hunter
7-14-08

No but if you're ever in lovely Houston...

Heather

Karen,


I was born in Groton, CT...But I know that doesn't help.....If it gets too bad you could always leave and hit the craps tables a Foxwoods....just kidding...well not about foxwoods, I love that place ...lol

I will be thinking of you...there is nothing saying you have to spend the whole night at the reception...attending the wedding and leaving after dinner would be just fine...I know Logan and I attended a wedding a few months ago....We both lost it half way through....watching the father daughter dance killed us I couldn't stop thinking that should be Gwyn and Logan up there....and knowing he would never have that with his baby killed logan and I...I honestly didn't even think about how emotional I would get at a wedding...Good luck to you we are all thinking of you ((((HUGS)))

www.havingtriplets.blogspot.com
www.thisisourLONGjourney.blogspot.com

Cathi

Our Precious Angels
^Raiden Landon^(B/D 10/17/08) 22wks
^Ryker London^(11/12/08-11/22/08)25w5d
^Gwyneth Bella^(11/12/08-12/1/08)25w5d

Megyn Velynda born 12/08/09 @ 35w 4 day

You need to go bra shopping

I am outside of Philly, probably about a 4-5 drive from Philly, but we will be down the shore this weekend in Cape May NJ - probably about the same distance. Want to meet me at the beach?! Doesnt that sound so much better???!!!

I pray you find strength to get through it and to not feel too much pressure to push yourself.

You may want to PM Kerry (missingmytrips) I think she might be close to CT, but I am not sure she wants to give out her location publicly so I wouldnt put that out there for all unless she was ok with it.

Goodluck hon, thinking of you. Love ya, Nan xo

Nan~
In loving memory of my beautiful girls:
^Shelby Lee^, ^Megan Aimee^ and ^Lynne Barbara^,
March 6, 2009, born at 20 weeks, 0 days.
http://rememberingourtripletangels.blogspot.com/
http://forumforgrievingdads.com/

Nan,

You are too funny. I know I need to try on those bras, but let's just say there are no stores in my area at this moment so I am coming to you guys to help with the "fit".

I will send Kerry an email. Thanks for the heads up! I think it will just help to know that there is someone nearby that "gets it".

Love ya!

Karen
Mom to Patrick, William, and our Angel Hunter
7-14-08