My sons were identical my daughter (of course) was the fraternal end of the set.

So, here's the deal: when Vivian is away from Levi (which has been very little in the last 6 years, literally less than 5 times, and never more than a couple hours) she is happy, carefree adn enjoys her time.

Levi, on the other hand "pines" for his sister. 'when is vivan (his pet name for her) coming home' 'where is vivan?' 'i need to see vivan' 'mom, i can't find vivan.' This weekend she went to a disney on ice show with friends, so it was quite a few hours away from eachother, but at first Levi was happy to spend time with mom, and after we got home he even walked through the playroom, threw himself across the couch and said "I can do whatever I want and Vivan can't stop me." (she's bossy)

So, I want to know, or validate my feelings;

Is this because he is an identical twin and the loss he feels is different as well as the connection he feels to his sister being different?
Is it this way with your ID survivors?

As babies they would both hold their hands on doors whenever there was a door separating them (like in hearing tests) and keep their hands on either side of the door until the tests were over and they could see eachother again. She's just not that concerned with him now...not that she doesn't love him.

TIA.

and sorry in advance. Their birthday was a couple weeks ago, and nov. 12thh is coming all to fast again...my mind is reeling...

Erika

Mom to:
Matt (1991) Megan (1994) and ^Eric Jr^ Levi and Vivian (2003) at 26 weeks
http://survivingtripletsandteens.blogspot.com

Interesting. I've never really thought about it as being an ID/fraternal issue, but my situation is similar. My kids are very rarely separated as well, but when they are, Paige is fine and perfectly happy, but Levi (funny coincidence - maybe it's a 'Levi' thing! gets agitated and looks and asks for her. I just chalked it up to being a boy/girl thing maybe, but now I'm really interested to see what others respond to this!

I've read in depth about twin loss, including and (mostly) ID twin loss especially in the book "lone twins" by joan woodward, (I believe)... Frat twins don't seem to (at adult stages of growth, losses from prenatal loss to even childhood loss) aknowledge the loss of companionship that ID twins do. (i had to get it from the UK... I'd loan it to you if you want to check it out, just PM me)

This was a serious deciding factor to fight for L&V to be in the same class for at least the kinder year... Levi still needs his sister even if she doesn't so much need him.

BTW... I have told Levi and Vivian about your kids... Levi is intrigued that there is another "levi" that has lost his twin now that they're old enough to understand the one-egg/two-egg thing! LOL!

I thought it only happened the two times they were away from eachother with me until DH told me he noticed the same questions one
day when Vivian went on a playdate one day when they were with him...


Thanks!
Erika

Mom to:
Matt (1991) Megan (1994) and ^Eric Jr^ Levi and Vivian (2003) at 26 weeks
http://survivingtripletsandteens.blogspot.com

Erika:

First, I'm sorry to know that you're awaiting another anniversary. It is so hard. My heart is with you.

What I'd like to know is, how is Levi when he is the one who is off doing something with somebody else? Does he get involved with what is going on there and forget about Vivian not being there, at least a little bit?

I got my first taste of this last spring when Caidan went to spend the day with some friends and Caeleigh and I went together to get our nails done and attend her dance recital practice. Caidan seemed totally carefree, but Caeleigh was really torn up and at one point began crying about missing her brother. It was so sweet and so sad.

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.

hey Cat!

Levi can rarely (if ever, and not that I can think of has he ever...) enjoy time away from Vivian without talking about her, telling me he misses her, looking for her, etc. He'll be ok for a short time, but that fades quickly. He wonders aloud about what she's doing, where she is, when she'll be back... It's heartwrenching.

He doesn't make friends easily, at Preschool he was friends with really only one boy (a little boy whose mom had passed away; the teachers pointed out to me one day what a connection the two seemed to have) and at kinder he has yet to find a connection. He's friendly and kids like him, but he seems more interested in a "good" friendship rather than quantity of friends.

Yes... the 12th is coming all too fast again this year...

Erika

Mom to:
Matt (1991) Megan (1994) and ^Eric Jr^ Levi and Vivian (2003) at 26 weeks
http://survivingtripletsandteens.blogspot.com