CHILDREN MENT.

Hi everyone.

Almost four years ago (Dec 9), I lost BGG triplets @ 22 weeks.
Needless to say it was the worst moment of our lives.

But, life goes on and we now have a beautiful family, a girl and a boy.

Just recently an acquaintancy got pregnant with BGBtriplets. She had a very diddficult pregnancy, was admitted in hospital to try and keep the babies, but in the end there wasn't much they could do.

One was the babies was stillborn, the girl lived for 5 days and the surviving triplet is now in the NICU. Apparently he's in the clear and gaining weight.

I want to call her and offer my support being that I have been there somewhat, but I don't know how this situation is: grieving for the ones that have gone and still trying to remain hopeful for the one who made it.

How should I behave?
Thanks in advance.

Andressa

Lost our precious bgg trio @21w5d on Dec 9th, 2005.
Mom to a beautiful girl, born 03/09/2007 and to a baby boy born 27/05/2009.

We don't want any more children.

I'm so sorry for your friend. One of my girls was stillborn; we knew there was a 50-50 chance she wouldn't survive until birth, but that didn't make the loss any harder.

I think you should definitely reach out to her. I'm sure she's at the NICU a lot. Maybe you can offer to bring her some meals - just call and ask what she likes - because that hospital cafeteria food gets old. Something easy and portable would work, so they can bring dinner with them. Halfway through our 8 week stay, I started cooking food at home and bringing it to eat. Or when the survivor is getting closer to coming home maybe you can offer to clean up the house to get it ready? I remember the day before my girls came home my husband and I were cleaning up and getting things set up for them, I was crying the entire time because two were coming home and one wasn't.

When she comes home, offer to come over and watch the baby so she can get out, or rest. What she needs is time to grieve, and when you're caring for an infant, you don't often have time to do it - you're so busy taking care of the survivors, and after all the time in the NICU, the grieving gets pushed aside so you can focus on getting the survivors home, and when they are home, you don't have the luxury of sitting in bed and crying all day. My girls are 9 months out now, and I feel as though I grieve in spurts, and in some ways I think that's prolonged my recovery.

Whatever you do, just reach out to her. Even though your situations aren't entirely the same, you've both suffered losses, so she can relate to you on some level.

Amy

Julia, ^Caitlin^ (stillborn due to encephalocele complications) & Gabrielle
30.2 weeks

So good to see you here.

Your friend will appreciate your support. One of the best things that ever happened to me was when a TC friend showed up at the NICU with a gift of preemie clothes and had supper out with me. She was there for me in the flesh.

The ups and downs of NICU existence as so rough. Anything that you can do to offer support and encouragement will be appreciated, even if it is bringing a plate of home-cooked food and being there to listen.

As for offering to watch her baby for her -- I don't know about that one. I personally was unwilling to let mine out of my sight for eons after they finally came home. But, offers to help with shopping and/or meals would be wonderful because my guess is that she is going to want to hold him like she'll never let him go and won't have time for much of anything else for a while.

She is blessed to have you in her life. And I am so pleased to see that you now have other children to comfort you.

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.