This is such a horrible, hard time of year. I'm so SAD, and then today we found out that we are in very real danger of losing our house soon. Long story, but I didn't see it coming. My husband is desperate to leave CA and I know he's probably right, but I don't feel like I can emotionally handle all this right now - leaving all my family, the only state I've ever lived, the job I love, my friends... I feel like I"m totally falling apart. I'm trying to keep it together for my kids because it's their Christmas, but I seriously feel like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown. It's bad enough that no one seems to realize how hard it is at holiday time not to have Spencer; no one talks about him anymore, which I kind of understand, but it still hurts. And now all of this - I feel so, so lost...

Thanks for letting me vent. No one else understands all my crazy rants.

Hugs to you Amanda... I wish there weren't so much weighing on you. Prayers that you keep your house...

We remember Spencer, know that. Others do too, i'm sure, but they don't know how to bring him up.

We're here is you need to talk/cry/vent... Wish I were closer, we'd take all the kids out to play and you could talk with someone that understands...

-Erika

Mom to:
Matt (1991) Megan (1994) and ^Eric Jr^ Levi and Vivian (2003) at 26 weeks
http://survivingtripletsandteens.blogspot.com

I'm so sorry Amanda. I am just totally going through the motions. We just found out today that Patrick has CP. I'm dying inside...come on now, you have to tell me on Christmas?

If you have to leave CA, where are you guys considering? Maybe we have someone that will be nearby. I know it won't be much comfort, but maybe it is something that could help in this difficult situation.

Sending you big hugs!

Karen

Karen
Mom to Patrick, William, and our Angel Hunter
7-14-08

Karen,

I just wanted to jump in to tell ya: Levi has CP as well as neurological damage, and he's fine... He still attends therapy every other week and gets one therapy session at school, but he is in the same class as Vivian and people tell ma all the time he seems totally unaffected.

Keep up with therapy. Therapy as a lifestyle, not just a weekly visit, and Patrick can overcome anything. The *best* part about CP: it NEVER gets worse. The kids learn to cope, and can become very adept at doing what every other kid does as they grow.

Check out this site: www.teencerebralpalsy.com It's written by a girl with CP, she is a twin, her sister is an average kid... I've talked with her through email a couple times with questions about Levi, and she's very nice. She's into sports, as are other kids that she knows with CP.

Hugs to you, too, today. That;s a hard diagnosis to swallow, but he'll be ok!!

Merry Christmas!

Erika

Mom to:
Matt (1991) Megan (1994) and ^Eric Jr^ Levi and Vivian (2003) at 26 weeks
http://survivingtripletsandteens.blogspot.com

I'm sorry you are having a tough time. Thinking of you...

Allison

Mom to:
Madeline 09/2001
Jack, Evan & ^Alex^ 03/02/2008 @ 26 weeks

i am sorry you are having a hard time. Ic had to short sale my place because I couldn't keep paying such a large payment. We are now renting. What I was paying in one month just on a house payment is now paying our rent and several of our bills. We have been thinking of leaving CA but not yet. Everytime I look at Brennan I remember Alex and no one else does.

Our little angel
^Alex Joseph^ (11-4/11-5)
Brennan Matthew
Christian Jacob

"
Big brother Justin 8

Amanda,

I'm so so sorry to hear you may be losing your house. I pray that you can come up with a plan and stay if that is what you want. I remember Spencer and your posts about losing him. We remember. Its so true that others forget. My sister (Christmas eve) said to me oh, look at (our nephew's ) three girls don't they look like triplets? She said that to me.. the one who lost all three of her triplets who watched them die!!!! I couldn't help but start crying. We will never forget!!! My heart goes out to you.

Raquel
Mom to triplet angels: Sophia, Steven Jr. & Xavier b/d 25w4d (11/26/06, & Sweet baby Joseph (11/14/07-11/14/07)
Eliana Grace-God has answered
Born 4/03/09

OH, Raquel, I'm so sorry. People just don't see how much words can hurt, especially when they aren't intended that way. I'm sure your sister realized just what she said, but not until after it was out and she couldn't take it back.

Hugs to you...

Erika

Mom to:
Matt (1991) Megan (1994) and ^Eric Jr^ Levi and Vivian (2003) at 26 weeks
http://survivingtripletsandteens.blogspot.com

It seems that "...tis the season...to fall apart."

Everything is falling apart for me right now...too much to go into. But, enough to tell you that I completely understand you missing Spencer and being fearful of moving away and moving on, and the new hurts that just keep hitting.

Raquel, your family is sometimes something else -- which is something I can truly appreciate, because my family is usually something else. I'm so sorry that you received such a thoughtless, barbed comment.

My prayer for everyone here is that we can all get through all of this with a quiet grief that hides itself from our children, and allows them to experience the joy that we knew before all of these things hit us so full in the face.

And, who knows? Perhaps one day we will all be able to write novels about the strange sisterhood that has evolved here.

I love you all. I rejoice in your joy (congrats, Cathi and all others with rainbow babies), I grieve with your pain. I struggle sometimes with incredible despair and sometimes I feel like there will never be any way out from the belly of the beast.

But, being six years out, I can also tell you that there are moments and glimpses and sometimes even days filled with joy, and that is the hope worth hanging onto.

I think that Tiny Tim summed it up best. "God bless you every one."

With love,

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.

BTW, on top of everything else that is hitting me, please note my babies' birthdate... Ah yes!! The anniversary!! Wowza, wowza!!

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.

Thank you guys, all of you. It's just so nice knowing that I can "fall apart" here and know there's no judgement. I feel like I can't fall apart in the real world; no one understands. I have no idea what's going to happen with the house/moving thing - my husband has family in KY and CT, so that's where we're going to start looking. Anyone from there?

Amanda,
I'm so sorry things are so hard right now and you may have to move on top of it all. Thinking of you through the holidays. I will always remember Spencer and when I found out that you lost him.

Jessica
Mom to Parker, McKenna, ^Hadley^ born 10/9/07 28w5d
little brother Sawyer
and big sister Ashlyn
www.fourplusanangel.com

Amanda

I was born in KY. I might be able to help there. Also, a triplet mama fromt the main board who I have become friends with is in KY. I know she would be more than happy to answer any questions. Her screenname on TC is Ashleydeanne. She is also on my FB if you want to catch up with her there.

Now, all my inlaws are in CT. I love it there. You cant beat the schools. What part of CT are you considering? The downside is that it is quite expensive to find housing. The good news is that you could be in MA or RI and still be close. Coming from CA, it is hard to imagine how in the span of an hour you can go through 3-4 states!

Feel free to message me on FB and we can talk some more!

Sending you big hugs!

Karen
Mom to Patrick, William, and our Angel Hunter
7-14-08

Im just coming to TC after several months of not visiting, but I just wanted to say that Im sorry you are going through all of this...

I just had my 6 year wedding anniversary and we were talking with my husband that we had 3 wonderful years (the first three) and three very difficult ones (my triplets were born 3 years ago).. these past three years have been so difficult, the triplet pregnancy, loosing my two precious babies, then my husband lost his job and I started working, getting pregnant, having my full term baby in the NICU, my husband starting his own business... we are falling apart, Im on the verge of tiers every day... HOWEVER, nothing is as bad as loosing my children... so, If I survived the loss of my two precious children, I know I will survive all these hardships that are following...

I dont know if that is any solace for you or it will make you stronger, but you have already been to hell and back, you are stronger for it, and you will make it through this difficult time...

All of you are in my prayers... in spite of all of the Holiday cheer, enjoying the holidays with my survivor and my new baby, I always have a tear in my eyes for the children that are not with me...I know that all of you went and are going through the same, so you are all in my prayers...

Monique
Mom to 26.5wk triplets, born 09/14/06
^Nicole^
^Daniel^
Nathalie