Here's a good one. Last night we went out to eat at a pizza place. Some old ladies walked in and said 'Ooooh, are they TWINS??' Dh looked at me and said 'no, they are actually triplets, we lost their brother' (standard line). They made sad noises and then one piped up and said 'so now they ARE twins!' And then another said 'Well, that's just as good!!!'

Just as good.
Yeah, OK.

Maybe we'll just say 'yes' from now on. Or maybe make believe we dont speak english. Or maybe we should just say 'no' and not elaborate.

Jen~ Mommy of 4 angels, 3 with feet, 1 with wings:

Lillian Victoria (Lila)- 7/8/00- 10 days NICU for GBS RDS

Triplets~ 1/15/03 at 28w5d (due to GBS sepsis)

Gavin Michael 3lb2oz -identical- 51 days NICU
^Dylan Scott^ 3lb4oz -identical
Hayden James 2lb12oz -fraternal-54 days NICU

Dylan died on 2/4/03
due to problems stemming from GBS sepsis and then a candida infection.

Jen~ Mommy of 4 angels, 3 with feet, 1 with wings:

Lillian Victoria (Lila)- 7/8/00- 10 days NICU for GBS RDS

Triplets~ 1/15/03 at 28w5d (due to GBS sepsis)

Gavin Michael 3lb2oz -identical- 51 days NICU
^Dylan Scott^ 3lb4oz -identical-d. 2/4/03
Hayden J

Jen, That is the stupid comment of the week. I am so sorry that those ladies said this to you. I hate all of those twin comments.

Engrid
Jackson 4# 2oz
Ruark 3# 11oz
Ethan 2# 15oz our angel in heaven
All born on 12/23/02

Liam Ethan 8# 7oz born on 5/11/05

I'm afraid I would have responded, "No. Our baby died, and we don't think that's 'just as good.' It's a very sad thing to lose a baby. The death of one of our triplets does not turn our remaining children into twins. But we're very glad that our two remaining triplets are doing so well."


Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.

It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.

Jen,

That's totally crappy - what a horrible, horrible thing to say. You probably wondered if you heard right, I would have.

You are kinder than I by letting them go without saying something nasty, I don't think I would've been that strong.

I'm really sorry that that happened to you. A comment like that can totally suck the fun out of an otherwise enjoyable night with your family. When that kind of thing happens to me I end up with my mental focus on Brendan for the rest of the night and can't really have fun.

I think I posted before that I don't say "lost" much anymore when I explain. I say that "they are actually triplets and their brother died late in the pregnancy". This has been working for me.

Marie

Marie

((((Jen)))))I am so sorry! what idiots!! I hate that too. I get it alot. It really pisses me off when it comes from another mom of multiples!! Of all people,you would think they would know better! I stopped saying "lost" too b/c I would still get idiots who would look around and say "where's the 3rd one?" duh.... I now say, "They are actually triplets, my son died when they were infants."
I,too, would have made a rude comment back to the effect that "no,it's not just as good-my son is dead-how could that be good???"

Korrie~
^i^B/G/G 24 w 3d,1/17/00
B 10/31/01
B 1/27/03

<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="" alt="Lilypie Kids birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a>

Korrie wrote:
"It really pisses me off when it comes from another mom of multiples!! Of all people,you would think they would know better!"

Korrie, AMEN sister!

Jen,
Sorry you had to endure that commentary. Some people can be SO ignorant! I do like Cat's comeback, but I do know that sometimes being witty gets overridden by the anger and being caught off-guard.

7mozz

Frankly, I have the opposite problem -- the "in-your-face, how-could-you-be-so-stupid" comments come relatively easily and quickly. If I'm not careful, they escape my throat before my brain has an opportunity to engage, and I'm left with terminal hoof in mouth. I look around and notice someone standing 2.5 feet shorter and bleeding profusely where I've cut them off at the knees... Yikes.

Jen, I'm truly sorry that you had to go through that. I'm learning about "grace" from my loss of Carina because people just say the stupidest, well-intentioned things. These women were just stupidly chattering away, trying to be "upbeat." What a pair of boneheads! In looking at your situation, I realized that it is incumbent upon us to have the grace to forgive these well-intentioned dufasses.

It sometimes reminds me how frustrated God must get with me and my stupidity. Other times I completely forget about grace, and simply mow them down! (See my post re tearing into the sales clerk -- oh my!!)

Good luck to you and I hope that you're getting over this setback.

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.

It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. In memory of Carina, who was greatly loved.

Cat w/3 Kittens
Caidan, Carina and Caeleigh
Born at 31 weeks, 1/8/04.

URG. That is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard. I'm sorry she said that to you and kudos for you for not slapping them for their stupidity.

Sending you hugs and thoughts for peace~

April
Mom to ^i^ Hannah, ^i^ Ryan and ^i^ Abby. My 3 little birds in Heaven.

Joey, born 5/8/05 (Mother's Day!)
Laura, born 5/26/07
^I^, ^i^

A butterfly lights beside us, like a sunbeam
And for a brief moment, It's glory and beauty belong to our world..