I don't remember if I ever posted anything like this before. I tend not to express what I'm going through very well. But, I think I really need to hear what others have to say. There doesn't appear to be a lot of activity but hopefully someone will see this.

I love my wife. I love my kids. Our boys are now 5 yo and they have a 2 yo sister. About five months ago my wife started working again.
She was definately feeling (and acting!) burnt out. I know what she was going through. Yeah I know, I wasn't with them 24/7. I'm not blind or deaf to what she was going through. We'd make arrangements 2-3 times per month for her to get out on a "girl's night out". I would also get time to go over to a friend's for some Dnd or something. We went out, separately, about equal amounts but she would be out for more hours.

But it was clearly not enough. She was still overwhelmed. Laundry piles everywhere, dishes in the sink, toys everywhere. Don't get me wrong, I help as much as she does with everyday chores but its like keeping back the tide.

So she decides she wants to go to work again. I bitched about it. I was very against it. How could she go to work when we can't even manage the house as it is?? I figured it was just an excuse, you know, a way to run away from it while seeming to be useful.

Ultimately I agreed that the only way SHE would gain any satisfaction in life at all was to go back to work. So far she's been happy. She's taken a 4pm to midnight shift in the Engineering Dept of Foxwoods Casino (the hours work for our child care arrangements). She loves it and she tells me she feels like she's really contributing to the family now by providing a paycheck.
Piles of laundry have tripled, that is the baskets that we live out of have increased. Dishes are still in the sink. We do have a dishwasher, and this has saved us.
We've gotten better about the toys, but they are still an issue in one room.

I know she doesn't want to stop working. She ignores the crap hole that we live in until the excess that I can't get to builds up to a certain point and then she spends a day or two going nuts with cleaning. It never comes close to completing everything but it puts a big dent in it.

My yard is crap. I can't do anything outside much anymore because as soon as I get home at 5pm my in-laws are dropping the kids off and its change clothes, listen all the kids tell me what they did today, change their clothes if they're too dirty, send them outside in the fenced yard to play while I make dinner, get them in, cleaned up, fed, sit them in front of the TV for a little while until bed.
Now my wife gets to sleep until 7 or 8 depending on how long she can get the kids to stay in bed, feeds them something for breakfast, gets them dressed, then drops them off at her parents house so she can leave for work around 2:30pm. I don't know what else she does because most of the time there is no change in the house from when I leave at 6am to when I get home at 5pm. In fact, its usually worse. She works till midnight, gets home around 1am, reads until 2am or later and then goes to bed.
She also gets Tues and Thurs off so she can be home on days there is no school.

Am I complaining because I'm doing things I expect the wife to do? No.
I don't mind taking care of my kids when I get home. Do we absolutely need her income? No but it certainly makes things more comfortable. Is she happier? Yes. Can I do anything to maintain the outside of the house? Not anymore. Its hard to mow the lawn and watch four kids. Both of our cars still have the studded snows on them because I can't change eight tires and watch four kids. Do we have friends and family that are willing to help? Sure, but its not nearly enough.

I'm not looking for suggestions on how to get things done. What I am really getting at is that four the boys' first 4 1/2 years I've actually been feeling a little guilty that's she's been home with the kids 24/7 and I get to go out and work while she get's more and more frustrated and now the house is more of a mess, BUT SHE'S HAPPY. Is that more important than everyone else's enjoyment of life? Is the good of the one greater than the good of the many? (gratuitous Star Trek reference) On a MUCH slower scale, I feel like I'm getting to the same frustrated, burnt out level she was at.

Occasionally her parents will watch the kids on a Tues or Thurs so we can go out together but beyond that the only times we see each other are on weekend mornings and most of these mornings are spent doing needed shopping or doing a big family breakfast so nothing else really gets done.

Anyone else in this kind of a situation? How are you dealing with it?
Sometimes I feel like were going through a stage of family life where we just grin and bear it while beign a family with two incomes and little interaction as a complete family. Where is that light at the end of the tunnel?

Rich Raupach
Carolyn
Matthew, Jeremy, Nicholas 6/29/2000
Rebecca 6/2/2003

Rich,
In a way I know how you feel. I have been watching my kids during the day for a little over 4 years now and then working part time (from full time days) at night. Believe me, I get frustrated also.
If you would like to talk a little more privately, E-mail me at Tripletdad1999@sbcglobal.net

Steve
Dad of Meghan, Nichol & Christopher (5/8/99)

Are you still having trouble getting onto F2F? let me know.

I was able to set up a new account on F2F as Richplus4.
Thanks.

Rich Raupach
Carolyn
Matthew, Jeremy, Nicholas 6/29/2000
Rebecca 6/2/2003

Rich,
you say that you don't need the money your wife is earning, but it helps.
Sounds like maybe you need to redirect this income to another area that would be of more help to everyone.
If this money is extra why not use it to hire someone to HELP with the housework as this seems to be the main problem in your household.
The work would get done. Your wife can still get out to work. You wont have so much to cope with at the end of your working day. Your children will have less stressed parents and when you and your wife go out together you wont feel as guilty about the '#### heap' at home.
We have a 3 year old, a two year old and a set of 12 week old triplets. So I know what you mean about being stressed, tired etc etc. We get someone in 3 times a week for 4 hours at a time. This relieves so much of the load and i'm not sure how we would cope without it. Even 1 day a week just to scrub the toilet, bathroom, floors etc would put your whole family on top. When the kids get bigger and the load becomes more manageable, you can direct the extra funds into other things your family needs.
Good Luck
Ronnie.